#mightykacy

Courage is a scary thing. You can reach for something, and miss. You can jump, and not have anything to land on. You can ask a question, and be told "no," or "you can't."

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, here is a video of Kacy Catanzaro, my new (s)hero, DOMINATING the Dallas finals of American Ninja Warrior. In under 9 minutes, Kacy takes on HUGE, seemingly insurmountable obstacles... and overcomes them with (seeming) ease. She leaps across huge gaps, she climbs intimidating heights, but she does it all with grace, and gratitude for the support she's receiving... and fear.

Watch her take on the course. There are a few moments when Kacy gets stuck, or is on the verge of slipping or falling, or when she has to psychologically prepare herself for the obstacle in front of her. You can see the fear in her eyes, you know that she is dealing with the mental obstacle of being the first woman to go as far as she has in the competition.

#mightykacy

And yet, she keeps going. She keeps moving forward. She steels herself, then makes the leap. She dangles for a moment, and then reaches for the next bar. She mentally focuses, and then OWNS the obstacle in front of her.

I don't know about you, but I could stand to channel more of #mightykacy in my life. I had an epiphany recently that, in my mind, I equate confidence with courage. Having trust and belief in yourself - confidence - takes INCREDIBLE courage. There is a possibility that you might fail, slip, fall, disappoint others or yourself. There is a chance that your outcome may not be what you promised, envisioned, or imagined.

But you MUST believe. Without trying at all, you might never achieve, never succeed. Fear might be standing in your way, trying to convince you that the thing you want to do isn't worth it, but courage and confidence are the decision to just go ahead and do it anyway.

There have been many moments recently that I've been scared. A seemingly insurmountable obstacle stood in front of me, and I was tempted to walk away from the course. I was tempted to say, "No, not today. I'll come back another time." But channeling that courage - knowing what I wanted to do was scary, but then just going ahead and doing it anyway - and channeling my confidence, I took a step. And then another. And then another. And then another. And after a time, after some steps, some sweat, I looked... and I was done. I had climbed the "spider walls," I had jumped my way through the "pole grippers."

So next time you get scared, pause for a moment. Think of #mightykacy, and steel yourself for the task ahead of you. Know that your years of training will help you in your endeavors. Know that there is a crowd SCREAMING your name, ready to watch you gracefully succeed. Breathe. And make a step. Start the obstacle course. Enter the arena, as our good friend Teddy Roosevelt would say.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. (source)

Have courage. Have confidence. You CAN. You ARE. You WILL. 

LeaderShape, Day Three: Challenging What Is, Looking to What Could Be

Note: This Spring Break, I served as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This was my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I wanted to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.
Previous LeaderShape Posts: Day Zero, Day One, Day Two

One of the most powerful pieces of the LeaderShape experience is that of the vision. All participants of LeaderShape take time during Day Three to create a vision of "the kind of world they want to see." When creating a vision, you start with two prompts: 

1. What do I care about? (my passion[s])

2. What do I want to create? (the future)

Then, you think about this question: 

"From what I care about, what would I want if I could invent a bold, new future?"

What a powerful experience for the college student participants that are on the retreat... and what a powerful experience for me as a facilitator. Not only was I privileged to hear the kinds of futures that the participants wanted to create - sustainable, filled with equality of all kinds, kind, happy, just - but I had the chance to reflect on MY vision, the kind of world that I would want to see.

The vision I created on LeaderShape was intensely personal to me (as many/most visions are). My passions include leadership, supporting and encouraging young women (especially college-aged, but not limited to), and positivity. If I could create a bold, new future where these passions were a part of everyday life, every young woman would have access to a role model mentor and a network of peers to support her in her aspirations. (Of course, I would love it if EVERY young person, regardless of gender, had access to this, but for the purposes of my passion and vision I wanted to focus on creating female leadership and support networks.)

Think about that future for a moment. Women are often limited by gender, whether it is because of societal assumptions about women, or social mores that apply to women, or - worst of all - because of being blocked out by other women. Female bullying and competition is a real problem (I have experienced it myself; that's a long story for a different time), but imagine a world where, instead of feeling like they have to compete for resources (whatever those are), young women are supported through their aspirations to achieve whatever they want to achieve. Whether she wanted to be a mother, dancer, astronaut, physicist, professor, singer, actor, entrepreneur, whatever; imagine the power in a young woman being told YES, especially by the other women in her life.

This is a future that I want to see. It's not the world that is, but it is the world that could be. And it's my job, as a leader in everyday life, to try to create that world, step by step. How am I supporting the women in my life, especially the young women with whom I work? How am I affirming them, saying "YES" to who they are and who they want to be? 

I want to end with this brilliant quote from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's TEDxEuston speech, which was sampled in the brilliant Beyonce's "***Flawless":

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: "You can have ambition, but not too much; you should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man."

A challenge to the women reading this - instead of teaching the women in your life to shrink, how are you affirming your sisters? How are we working together to create this bright, bold future where our young people are told "YES"?  

Yeah, it's THAT kind of blog post.

Also Entitled: Faith, Feminism, and the Search for "My Future Spouse."

Context: I received a text this evening with a link to a blog post (shoutout to Briarwood and the awesome text conversation that ensued!). This particular post is one of those viral Facebook open letters, entitled “To My Future Wife” (read it here). It starts out so nicely – a young man begins to write an open letter to his future wife (obviously), something that many in the Christian community like to do.* From the title, I didn’t know what to expect; I saw such potential in the idea behind the post. But then… it starts to go downhill. A lot. For the entire post.  So now, I’m gonna do the thing that always follows an open letter – I’m going to be the person that writes an open letter in response to an open letter. Enjoy!

*(Disclaimer: I have written notes to my future husband, if there is in fact a future husband for me, and I’m not embarrassed about it. I love the idea of being able to revisit a mindset from the past, and compare the actual person with the idea of a person from years prior. And I definitely love the idea of prayers for someone you haven’t met yet, and of general Christian encouragement. This post is not a critique about the format of this young man’s blog post, but rather its content, tenor, and overall perspective.)

My dear single Christian brothers,

I’m gonna cut right to the chase – growing up, the Christian church has taught us a lot about what it means to be godly men and godly women. Some of these things are spot-on and right in line with the teachings of Christ, and some of these things have been edited and bent and shifted based on the cultural and societal roles and mores of Christians throughout the centuries. History and society are what they are, but we need to be aware of society's role in faith as we move forward into the twenty-first century. I am a believer that God created men and women for different roles in life – why else would there be two biological sexes of humans? – but I am also a believer that God created man and woman to be partners and equals in all aspects of society, especially relationships. 

"So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it’” (emphasis mine; text Genesis 1:27-28, NIV).

Hello. My name is Cassidy, and I am Christian… and a feminist.

And here’s the thing, my brothers. While I adore and cherish each of you for wanting to be a warrior for your Christian sisters, and wanting to protect our hearts and minds, we need to have a conversation about what it actually means to be a man in the Christian faith. And while I may not be the most qualified person to give you an example of what TO do (that person would be Jesus), as a woman, I can give you several examples of how NOT to relate to Christian women as a Christian man, illustrated through responses to our brother Brett’s blog post points (again, read them here) as he writes to his future wife. While I'm sure his intentions were sound, his understanding of what it means to be a man in relation to a Christian woman is… not awesome.

So without further ado, here is a reminder of some things YOU should know in order to be the kind of godly man that even stands the tiniest chance at being in a successful, loving, caring, God-honoring, Christian relationship:

First and foremost, we may not get married. Like, ever. It’s a hard truth, but a truth it is. And we need to stop teaching our Christian youth that a “future spouse” is in the cards for every one of us. While I believe the union of two people is a beautiful sacrament, provided by God, I don’t think He intended every single person on this earth to be married. I DO believe in soulmates (be they spouses or just best friends), and I DO believe that God sets aside people that are going to be VERY important in your life. But, need I remind you? Jesus never married. The disciples never married (that we know of, at least). St. Paul never married (and one can even question his overall opinion of that sacrament). What do we know at the end of the day? Christ is our bridegroom (Isaiah 54:5, Revelation 19:7-9), end of story. Honestly, he’s the main spouse that I’m concerned about, and He should be your main concern, too.

Next: yes, my brothers, I am beautiful. I appreciate your affirmation of my self-esteem; that is wonderful that you want me to remember the source of my beauty. But here’s the thing with that – I’m not beautiful because you tell me I am. I am beautiful because my Jesus says I am, and because my Maker made me. My God “has loved [me] with an everlasting love” and has “drawn [me] with loving-kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3); I was created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27); God knit me together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13); I am “altogether beautiful” (Song of Songs 4:7)… you get the picture. So while I admire your desire to keep encouraging your Christian sisters that the beauty standards of the world are unreasonable and unjust (because they definitely are) remember – that validation cannot and should not come from you. It needs to come from God, and from within. (Otherwise, you’re perpetuating the expectation that validation for female beauty has to come from men… get it?)

While we're on the subject of female beauty... First of all, my brothers, I appreciate your modesty, but we don’t need to refer to the human body as “goodies;” that starts the objectification off on a REALLY bad foot. (You only need to read Song of Songs once to know that sex is a beautiful and natural thing, so we can be adults and refer to the human body as… a body.) Secondly, again, while I appreciate your encouragement of the values of modesty and purity (which I personally hold very dear), it is not your role to police my body. In fact, that role only belongs to one person: “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (1 Cor. 6:19-20). I will honor God first, foremost, and only, with my body. But that is MY choice, not yours. So, with all the love and admiration and respect that you have for guarding my heart and protecting my purity… no offense, guys, but it’s not yours to guard. I ask you instead to guard your OWN body and mind first. Be concerned with how YOUR choices and YOUR actions and YOUR thoughts affect the women in your life, not blaming them for your purity struggles. (And thirdly, just real fast, probably not the best idea to compare a living, breathing, human being – especially a woman – with a car. I am neither a Honda nor a Lamborghini, and the sooner you start realizing that women are not inanimate objects to be fawned over and owned, but rather your sisters in Christ and real humans with the same value as you, the better off you’re going to be.)

Onto the next one: yes, I am a princess. But here we go again – I’m not a princess because you say so, but rather because it’s a fact. “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8:16-17, NIV). If God is the King – and He definitely is – then I’m a princess by default. But you know what the thing is about princesses? We don’t sit in towers, waiting to be rescued by our Prince Charming. I already got rescued by the Savior of the World, thank you very much, and so did you. We don’t need to talk about “rescuing” each other; it takes away the focus from the real Hero of our story. 

Here's another thing - have you even READ the Bible? I’m pretty sure God’s past princesses have taken care of God’s creation (Eve), 

helped spies take down a city (Rahab), 

ruled Israel (Deborah), 

killed the enemies of God (Jael), 

saved their people from extinction (Esther), 

stayed faithful when the whole world turned against them (Mary), 

washed the feet of Jesus with their tears (Mary Magdalene), 

given all their worldly possessions to God (the widow with two coins), 

been some of the most influential founders of the Christian church outside Judea (Lydia, Priscilla, Phoebe, Mary, Tryphena, Tryphosa, Persis, etc.)… 

I’ll stop there. You get where I’m going with this. Yes, you’re going to have to fight for me, because my heart already belongs to my God. But if you want a woman who’s sitting in a tower waiting for you, you’re running after the wrong kind of woman. I, and my Christian sisters with me, am out in the field fighting dragons and having adventures all on my own. My Prince is already on my side, and our battle is already in full swing. Are you ready to join the adventure with us?

Don’t you worry, my brothers. I’ll make you work for my heart. Oh boy, will you have to work. Because like I said, my heart already belongs to Someone very special. “My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” (Ps. 84:2, NIV). “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my fortress, I will never be shaken” (Ps. 62:1-2, NIV). “[God] sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends his love and his faithfulness” (Ps. 57:3 NIV). Honestly, I don’t want a man who pines every minute for me; I want a man who pines every minute for our Savior. I want a man who wants to be more like Jesus. I deserve more than a gentleman, and you deserve more than a woman who just wants chivalry (and who waits around to get it from the world, rather than seeking the heart of the One who loves us more than anything in this world). Let’s all strive to be a little more like Jesus, huh? Jesus said himself, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment” (Matthew 22:37, NIV).

No, love isn’t easy, my brothers. I know it, because my Savior died for the love of us, and that’s not an easy thing to do for someone. I know from my Bible studies, and from living my life, that love is a choice each day, to be patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, not keeping a record of wrongs, not delighting in evil, rejoicing in truth, always projecting, always trusting, always hoping, always persevering (2 Cor. 13:4-7, NIV). So thank you for being honest and up-front about the difficult nature of love, but here’s what I need to know – are you, as Christian men, going to make those same choices every day, based in a deep-rooted desire to honor God? Because that’s what I want.

To sum, my brothers, I love and appreciate you for what you are trying to do when you write these open letters to your Christian sisters. It takes immense courage to stand up for your convictions and beliefs; it takes even more courage to lovingly rebuke someone in the name of Christ, “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:5). But that’s why I’m coming to you today – to speak the truth in love. I am asking you to check your privilege, and check your heart, that your rebukes come from a place of love, and not from a place of jealousy, envy, bitterness, command, power, or entitlement. When you speak to your Christian sisters, remember that though we may be different from you, we are not weak. We belong to the Lion of Judah, just as you do; we are warriors for Christ, just as you are. And just like us, you need to be saved, rescued, and loved with an everlasting love.

Here’s the happy ending to that story: we already have a Lover of our souls, and He’s waiting for us every moment of every day, to turn to Him and run into His arms.  My challenge to ALL my Christian brothers and sisters is this – can we stop putting each other on a pedestal, and start worshiping the Person who matters most? Let’s re-frame the conversation to be a bit more about Christ and a bit less about our “perfect mate.” 

Even more, let’s re-frame our language to speak about each other as equals and as co-heirs in Christ, as brothers and sisters, and NOT as objects or prizes to be won. But above all, keep the faith, and “encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing” (1 Thess. 5:11).

With all my love in Christ,

-Cassidy

A Week of Thankfulness #1: Sisterhood

This week is Thanksgiving, one of the BEST holidays of all time (second only to Christmas). Evidence:
Item #1: Centered around gathering loved ones together and eating FOOD.
Item #2: Encourages a spirit of thankfulness.
What more could one want from their holiday?

So, in the spirit of this time of year--one of my very favorites, for the aforementioned reasons + a few more--I decided that this week, I'd write a series of posts chronicling some of the things I'm most thankful for. Today's post, to kick off the series: I'm thankful for sisterhood.

When I talk about "sisterhood" as a concept, I really want to address how multifaceted that word is, and what those facets mean to me.

First, there's the idea of a sister. I don't have any biological female siblings (just my big brother, who's pretty darn cool), but I do have some extraordinarily close family and friends who I would categorize as my "sisters." First, there's my VERY awesome sister-in-law; I really couldn't have asked for a better woman to marry my brother. Then, there's my closest girlfriends from high school, college, and graduate school, who to this day all provide love, support, challenge, and sanity. I couldn't be more thankful for these female peers, who are more than just friends to me; we are FAMILY.

Then, there are the organizational sisterhoods that I have been a part of. More than I can say, I'm thankful for my Maggies, who (I always said) are the sisters that God gave me since He didn't give me any biological ones. My sophomore year of college, I needed to immerse myself in a group of women who would challenge me and set an amazing example of what women could do at Texas A&M, and I most definitely found that in the Mags. And now, I am SO thankful for finding a new (and life-long) sisterhood in Gamma Phi Beta Sorority. My joining a sorority and becoming Greek AFTER college was completely unpredictable, and yet I cannot sing the praises enough of the wonderful women I've met so far (and of my sisters far and wide who I haven't yet met!). Gamma Phi has provided a wonderful balance point for me here at Indiana, a chance to get out of my own head and be a part of something bigger than myself. It will also continually provide me the chance to support and encourage young women in their college careers, and to surround myself with amazing women who are doing amazing things across the world. Which leads me to my final point...

Third, I am thankful for being a woman, and for the worldwide sisterhood of womanhood. There is strength in numbers, there is power in support, and one of the things I have valued the most throughout my life is the example of strong women--my grandmothers, mom, aunts, cousins, friends, mentors, advisors, colleagues--who strive to build a network of other supportive women in their lives, and who have supported ME through good times and bad. The women in my life, from those who have advised me to those I now advise, consistently challenge me to be better and to grow and mature, and they consistently provide wonderful examples of kindness, strength, friendship, and love. I am so thankful for the women that are already in my life, and the ones I have yet to meet.

To all the ladies out there--We are sisters, you and I, and I am thankful for you.