All the Single Ladies

I have a confession to make - I love weddings.

This isn't that shocking of a confession, I suppose; a lot of people love weddings. Two people standing up in front of God and their closest family and friends, making a life-long commitment to one another? That's a beautiful thing.

Totes me.

But when I say I love weddings, I mean even more than just the wedding itself. I mean that I am one of those people who has a wedding Pinterest board, even though I'm not dating anyone. I've been known to follow various wedding blogs (Style Me Pretty is my favorite) to see what the trends are for weddings this year. When I ask my friends about their planning process, I want to know everything, from who they asked to be in their wedding party to what gifts they're getting their wedding party; from the overall colors of the wedding to what cake or food vendor they're using (and whether or not the venue is letting them bring in their own alcohol). I can't help it; the event planner in me loves hearing about all the small details, knowing that they add up to one big, special day (and recognizing that, if done right, all the small details reflect EXACTLY who the couple is, and make the day even more special).

I have another confession to make - I am currently dabbling in the online dating world (where my Tinder & Bumble peeps at???). This honestly shouldn't be that shocking of a confession, either. More and more, it's getting harder and harder for young people to meet other singles without the help of some swiping or "liking." And especially since I just made a big move to a big city a few months ago, I figure, "It doesn't hurt to put myself out there a bit! Who knows who I'll meet?"

Of course, these two confessions aren't that world-shaking, and of course, dating leads to marriage, so it makes sense that I'm making these confessions together, right?

Well, herein lies my point.

I'm 27 years young. I am single, and for the most part, loving it. Seriously, I have an amazing new group of friends here in Charlotte, as well as my friends from Indiana, grad school, college, and my hometown. I enjoy an active social life. I am career-minded and -focused, and am passionate about the work I do in higher education. I have a loving and supportive family (who all live close to each other for the first time in 4 years).

And yet, like many people, I do get lonely sometimes. I do want to put myself out there, and meet a great guy, and settle down someday to have children and a family of my own. I see my friends meeting great partners and building a life together, and I get a little jealous, hoping someday to write a love story of my own.

Per the suggestion of my dear friend Gillian, I've been listening to the Dear Sugar Radio podcast, specifically, the three-part episode about the search for "The One." And holy heck, is this resonating with me. (I highly recommend you give it a listen, no matter your demographics, but ESPECIALLY if you're a single straight woman - the content herein applies specifically to us.)

Essentially, these podcast episodes detail a national trend: the Dear Sugar folks get untold amounts of letters from single women in their twenties-to-fifties asking the same questions: when will I meet The One? Is he even out there? Is there something wrong with me if I haven't met him yet? Are there even any available men out there anymore?

The letters they read on these episodes reflect my same internal struggles every day: I love my life, and yet I can't help but feel unfulfilled without a partner with whom to share it. My feminism tells me I don't need a man to feel fulfilled, but also tells me that I can choose and build the life that I want with whoever I want (and if that's a husband, that's perfectly ok.) My faith tells me that God works in His time and His purposes are good and perfect, but that that purpose may be for me to be married someday... or it may not.

Half of my days, I REVEL in singleness - this, my twenties, is one of the few times in my life when I'm allowed to be somewhat selfish, focusing on my self-esteem, my career, and my well-being. There are times when I can definitely imagine myself leading a whole & fulfilled life without a partner, focusing my time and energies on the other people in my life that I love.

Yet, there is this pervasive cultural narrative - and my own deeply rooted desires - that tell me that I all I want, all I need, is that "happy ending." That a life without a wedding, without a husband, without children, is no life at all. That my biological clock is a-ticking away, and time. is. running. out.

Some of this is true (at least according to the economist featured on the Dear Sugar podcast - scarcity in the dating pool is REAL!).

BUT - and here's the BIG but (ha!) - the end goal of marriage & a partner cannot consume my life. Every time I go on a date with a new guy, I can't expect to hear wedding bells ring. Dating is a crazy journey that, if you let it, can teach you as much about yourself as it does about the people that you date. In relationships, in love, the journey itself is just as important as the destination.

Reflecting on all of this, I've ended up making some healthy choices for me:

1. I've committed to "try, try again" with dating. If I don't put myself out there, I may NEVER meet someone, so the least I can do is try! And in the meantime, I can enjoy each date for the experience it is - the chance to meet and connect with someone new.
2. I have scaled back my consumption of all things wedding. This doesn't mean that I'm boycotting weddings altogether; quite the opposite, actually. In order to remind myself of the true importance of a wedding - the marriage itself, and the life two people build after the event is over - I have committed to caring less about all of the trappings of "the day."
3. I want to be open about my journey. Blogging, for me - reflecting on the meaning of romance, of dating, of singleness - is key to moving forward as a healthy woman. I want to reflect on my experiences, to be open about them, to invite conversation & dialogue with those who read my blog, and to hopefully tell others that you're not alone out there in your singleness.

So, single ladies, let us come together in solidarity! Let us drown our sorrows about the seeming lack of single, available men in wine and ice cream and chocolate! Let us ALSO build one another up in our journeys toward fulfilled, love-filled lives! And, in the words of our Queen Bee, let us "put our hands up." Let us OWN our singleness, to delight in who we are as individual women as as women together - friends and confidantes, platonic soulmates. For I don't believe in "The One," but rather in MANY "Ones" - people (romantic & platonic) who come into your life for a reason, to make it better and more whole.

When in doubt, channel Beyonce.

It Keeps You Runnin'

Good morning, readers! Another summer day is upon us, but with prospects of a LONG and HAPPY Fourth of July weekend ahead, this week is just flying by.

To tell the truth, this SUMMER is flying by. With Florida State's Orientation officially over (hooray!), my year with the Student Alumni Association is officially over, and my feelings are definitely bittersweet. I learned so much in that assistantship, and am thankful for the relationships I built and the skills I gained. Even though I'll miss it at times, I have so much to look forward to--I have started an internship with the Career Center here at FSU, working with the Garnet and Gold Scholar Society, and then the second week of August I begin a NEW assistantship for my second year in grad school with the Student Activities Center!

In the meantime, I'm also taking time for me and looking forward to some personal things; namely, at the end of July, I'll be attending (as a bridesmaid :)) the wonderful wedding of my college roommate/best friend, Sarah, and her fiance/my friend Chris. This wedding will not only be a time to celebrate their relationship and bright future together, but it's also the ONLY time I'll be returning to Texas this summer and an opportunity to be reunited with some of my best friends from undergrad!

Like I said, I'm a bridesmaid for this wedding (my first time as an attendant! I'm pumped!), and I know there will be LOTS of pictures taken, so needless to say, I'm being completely shallow and decided that I want to make sure I grace the pictures with the greatest of photogenic ease. On top of that, I've been feeling like a lazy bum lately, and so this weekend I decided that the time had come for me to bring working out (running, mostly) back into my life. Ever since I improved my lifestyle and learned to be healthier last summer, I've noticed a change in the way I feel physically AND emotionally. I liked the way I looked, I liked the way I felt, and I liked the way I felt about how I looked (does that make sense? It does to me).

This spring semester was challenging, and unfortunately, part of that challenge was me LOSING aspects of my self-care such as exercising, and just plain feeling lousy. But luckily, with the motivation of this wedding looming ahead, and the unexpected partnership and participation of my cohort buddy Jason, it's time to get back into shape!

This past Sunday, Jason and I were discussing how we missed working out and how we wished we could find the motivation to do it. All of a sudden, we realized--what if we ran TOGETHER? We'd not only have a buddy to keep us motivated, we'd also have someone to keep us accountable and to kick each other's butt when we needed it. So Monday evening we embarked upon our first run, and I think our routine is going to be a resounding success. We run on a track, and so we warm up with 2 laps (half a mile), run one mile straight through (4 laps), and then cool down with 2 more laps, bringing it to 2 miles total.

I know that all the fitness experts say you're supposed to work out with a buddy, but really, listen to them. When my legs want to quit towards the end of our third lap, seeing Jason keeping pace out of the corner of my eye helps me round the next corner and keep moving. Our goal is to eventually be able to run 3 miles straight through by the time school starts, and I think we can do it. We have each other to keep motivated, and to compliment each other when we notice how in-shape we feel :)

So look out, world! I'm back in the running business, and I'm coming to get you. Granted, my legs feel like jello first thing when I wake up in the morning, but I can already tell a difference in my mood (endorphins are the BEST) and how well I'm sleeping (although my mom has always said I could sleep through a tornado, so I don't know how different that is). Soon to follow: world domination. And by the world, I mean Jason's and my little corner of the track. But I think that's enough to start with!