Obsession (not a Calvin Klein fragrance)

I find it so funny that my brain likes to go through periods of deep fascination - dare I call it, obsession? - with different people, places, things, and ideas. There's got to be some epistemological approach to looking at why people become fascinated or fixated on different things... what is it about songs, tv shows, movies, travel plans, recipes, whatever, that captivates us so? What is our brain trying to tell us when we become obsessed with certain things over others?

Regardless of the deeper meaning, I though it'd be fun to blog about the things I'm currently obsessed with and obsessing over:

1. Ellie Goulding - If you haven't listened to her music (and I bet you have; "Lights," "Anything Could Happen," and "Burn" have gotten BIG radio play in the past year or two), I highly recommend it. She is a wildly talented female DJ, musician, and singer. She's got an unusual soprano voice, but it's absolutely captivating. Her newer album, Halcyon, is currently on repeat on Spotify for me.

2. "The Wire" - No thanks to my older brother, I have been binge-watching HBO's hit show "The Wire" until all I think about is The Game, my main man Omar, and the city of Body-More (Murdaland central). Have no idea what I'm talking about? It's okay. I wasn't sold until about halfway through Season 1 of the show, but thanks to the urging of my brother, Alan Seppinwall's genius show recaps (spoilers abound; don't read unless you're watching the show!), and the brilliant writing of showrunner David Simon, I am currently halfway through Season 4 and horribly depressed that the show ended in five seasons. I'm nearing the end, but the show still has me hooked every moment. If you have HBO on-demand, or can borrow a friend or loved one's login to HBOGo, do it. You will not regret the watch (only 5 seasons, and only 12 episodes per season), and you will be in love with Baltimore by the end. 

3. Conference & Job Search Season - Okay, this is a weird one, I'll admit. But it's that time of year in higher education - professional conferences abound, and many people are out on the job search. I myself will be attending 1 professional conference this spring, but I love reading and writing posts about how to make the most out of your conference experience. Then, there's job searching, something I have written about ad nauseam on this blog. I myself am not currently job searching, but I AM taking time to keep my resume updated, to keep myself updated on the latest job trends and availabilities, and to support my friends and colleagues who are searching. I'll be part of mock interviews for IU's Higher Ed program tomorrow; I can't wait to visit with up-and-coming professionals about their resumes, cover letters, and interview tips! Call me a nerd; I embrace it fully. I love this season!

What are you currently obsessing over? What has captivated your mind on this fine day?

How Does the Defendant Plead?

Thanks to my older brother, I've been watching "one of the greatest" (it's pretty darn great) shows to ever be on television: "The Wire." (If you have HBOGo, I highly recommend a watch. But be warned, it's addicting!) One of my very favorite characters on the show is Rhonda Pearlman, an Assistant State's Attorney for Maryland. She is tough, she is sassy, and she is an amazingly strong female character on a largely male-dominated show.

The Queen, Rhonda Pearlman

I bring up Ronnie today because I've been thinking a lot this morning about the idea of guilt. Or, as dictionary.com puts it, "a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, wrong, crime, etc., whether real or imagined."

As I've gotten older, I've dealt more and more with guilt in relation to how I spend my time. Whenever I sleep in, as I did this morning (11 a.m., yeesh!), I feel guilty that I've wasted half my day. Whenever I decide to spend the day at home, I feel guilty that I'm missing time with friends. Whenever I want to binge-watch "The Wire," I feel guilty that I could be spending my time in better pursuits. But where does this guilt come from? Why am I feeling remorseful for the above actions? In the spirit of my #OneWord2014, simplicity, I wanted to think about this today.

As I've been reflecting, I often hold myself to ridiculously high standards of perfection in many areas of my life, and these standards are taking their toll. Whenever I make a mistake, I berate myself for it, much longer than anyone else would. Whenever I feel irresponsible--for example, sleeping in half a day, or spending my time binge-watching a TV show instead of doing other, more "responsible" things--I spend my time wrapped in anxiety that I'm not getting things done instead of enjoying leisure time. My personal standards of "adulthood," of "responsibility," have started to take their toll on my mental wellness. So instead of enjoying my recharging time on a Saturday (as an introvert, I NEED time to recharge by myself), I spend half the day laying around and the other half scolding myself for being so lazy. This is NOT healthy. I know I need the quiet time, the recharge time. So why not simply let myself be? Why not let my weekends be a simple time of rest, of catching up on TV shows that I like? I mean, clearly, if I'm sleeping 'til 11 a.m., my body needs the rest. So why do I get so down on myself for enjoying time off? Life does not CONSTANTLY have to be about going, doing, creating, achieving. Sometimes, we all need some well-deserved simple time to breathe.

Don't get me wrong--I don't want to and don't plan to use my OneWord as an excuse to become a lazy bum. Living my life more in more simplicity in 2014 does not mean that I'm going to slack off in my every day life, or cut corners because it's easier. In fact, a huge part of my plan for this year is to create good habits for taking care of myself and for getting things done.

Even so, I've realized that I hold myself to perfection and that standard is creating unnecessary anxiety, worry, and guilt in my life, so this year needs to be spent in pursuit of simplicity--what is natural, what is easy to understand and to deal with,  what is sincere--and learning to let myself off the hook in order to be able to breathe, exist, just LIVE. I want to pursue a natural and straightforward life, not one full of stress.

So instead of going all Ronnie Pearlman on myself--and believe me, that woman KNOWS how to prosecute a criminal--I'm going to negotiate a deal. I'm going to plead "not guilty" for enjoying time to rest, to think, to just enjoy a TV show. I'm going to try to build a habit of NOT persecuting myself for needing down-time. I'm also going to multitask; to put in a load of laundry as a new episode of "The Wire" is starting, to make my bed and do a little cleaning before I get to turn on the TV, to pause in midafternoon for a grocery store run instead of staying inside all day.

In the spirit of simplicity, I'm going to try to live 2014 with less worry, less anxiety, and less guilt. Life is hard enough already; why try to make it harder? As "The Wire's" brilliant Detective Bunk says, "Every man got to have a code." My code for this year is to allow myself room to BREATHE, and to not punish myself for all those silly imagined offenses of irresponsibility.

How are you going to let yourself plead "not guilty" more this year? What are the negotiations you make in order to enjoy your balance time, your "me-time"?

And Then There Was Softball

I've written about summertime often before on this blog, because it's my favorite time of year, associated with my best memories. These include, but are not limited to:
- my birthday and the "lower middle-class pool parties" my parents would throw when I was little (a.k.a. a slip-n-slide, two or three two-foot-deep kiddie pools, and a hose)
- celebrating one of the greatest holidays, July 4th, as well as growing up believing that the 4th of July fireworks were in honor of my birthday (which I know for a fact my older brother, whose birthday is in December, is still bitter about)
- trips to the greatest water park in the entire world, Schlitterbahn (the hottest, coolest time in Texas!)
- trips out of the sweltering West Texas heat to Ruidoso, New Mexico, with good family friends
- from my time at Texas A&M, summer meant two words: Fish Camp
- perennially good summer things such as baseball, BBQ, cookouts, beaches, swimming pools, floating the river, "The Sandlot," "Heavyweights," "Dazed and Confused," lightning bugs, thunderstorms, watermelon, ice cold Shiner Bock, Blue Bell ice cream, et cetera

As you can tell, summer is associated with lots of good past times and pastimes for me. And now that I'm on my own in the wide world, it's time for me to make some good memories of the present. Many good times are definitely nigh - this summer's plans include a trip to Portland, OR; a roadtrip to Texas and two good friends' weddings, and a family vacation/wedding in Puerto Rico. And aside from vacations, I've got some great things rolling here in Bloomington, including working on summer projects with fellow staff and our students, cleaning out my Netflix queue, and... softball.

Now, for those of you who know me well, that last word may seem a little... incongruous with your image of me. And you would not be incorrect. Team sports have never been a "thing" that I do. Ever. In fact, I made it from sixth grade through senior year of high school without taking an organized physical education class (still a point of pride for me, although my mother would tend to disagree with you as my lack of P.E. credits almost prevented me from graduating). One time, when I was in fifth grade, my brother tried to teach me to play tennis, and five minutes in I hit him in the face with the tennis racket (accidentally, I promise!). Let's let my history with organized sports boil down to this little gem - a few years ago, I asked my dear father why he and my mom never put me in tee-ball or soccer when I was a little kid; why I grew up taking dance as opposed to being able to catch and throw a ball and have some semblance of "normal" athleticism. His answer: "Well, Cassidy, when you were a baby, we put a ball in front of you, and a dolly. You went for the dolly, so we pretty much just went with it." Thanks, Dad. Thanks a lot.

Now, all of this isn't to say that I'm a nightmare at athletic things; I can (occasionally) catch a football, baseball, and/or softball and have been known to throw with some accuracy (thanks to my brother for the front yard catch sessions!). I can (occasionally) make a basket playing basketball, and can play decent defense (again, thanks to my brother for the driveway guarding lessons). Soccer isn't really a strong point; hand-eye coordination is hard enough so you can kiss feet-eye coordination goodbye. I knew from a young age I'd never be an Olympian, but I'm not completely hopeless at sports in general, and base/softball in particular, thanks (as always) to my brother's sports career/obsession/tutelage. Even so, it should be a surprise to everyone that a) I was approached to be on a summer co-rec softball team (God bless my coworker Megan for having such faith in me), and b) that I agreed to play.

And, in the end, I'm kind of enjoying myself. I'm playing the best position for me: left field. (The league we're in asks the men on the team to bat with their weak hand, so almost all of the batters have to be lefties, which means right field sees a LOT more action than I do... which I have zero problem with.) I'm getting to meet some great other young professionals here in Bloomington (although, in a hilarious twist of fate, I am the youngest person on the team). Our team even had our first win this past Sunday, a sweet, sweet victory that I tried my hardest to contribute to (unfortunately my stats were not quite up to par; I had one really solid hit in the three times I was up to bat, but it went right to the shortstop). I'll grant you, it's sometimes a little hard to muster up the enthusiasm to go out and do something that I'm not really good at, which I'm sure everyone can sympathize with - why play a game where your skills are mediocre (on a good day) when you can stay home and watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"? (which I'm really very good at). But, in the end, I'll admit it - I'm having a lot of fun. And there have been a couple of really beautiful moments - where I make a good catch, or actually throw the ball the distance it needs to go, or make good contact with the ball when I bat, or can make a REALLY awesome "Rookie of the Year" reference in play - that have made some of the less Hall-of-Fame/more bonehead moments worth it.

Overall, I think we have to face facts: in my mid-20s, we're not going to be able to make me into the next Jennie Finch. But if, by the end of the season, I'm able to be a pivotal part of at least one play, and I'm walking away with some good friends, I'll be satisfied. (Our team coaches may have something else to say about those outcomes; I blame their competitiveness on those darned team sports.)

Supposedly, next up for our team is a bowling league for the winter. I managed to bag a passing grade in my bowling-by-correspondence course I took in high school (I really, truly am not joking), so we'll see how this goes. In the meantime, if you happen to find yourself in Bloomington, come cheer for our softball team. We're the ones in the awesome baby-blue jerseys who, hopefully by our next game, have the most awesome walk-out songs on the field (DJ'd, of course, by yours truly - that I can do).

Summer Projects (Sunshine Included)

Long time, no blog! But now it's summer, and the excuses have hit the rearview just like the academic year has. I can't believe that I've already been working at IU for almost 10 months (it'll be a year in August), and that I've made it through one academic year... time has absolutely flown by. Look for a post forthcoming about the things I learned in Year One; for now, I want to talk about summer.

What a beautiful word summer is, especially when you think about all the things it encompasses... sunshine, beaches, rest, play, green grass, blue swimming pools, star-filled nights. I could go on forever - summer is a special time. Of course, now that I'm a full-time professional, I've had to grasp a brand new reality: summer is for work, too.

If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said that I'd be disappointed about not having the summer "off," like my twenty years of schooling prior, but that I realized that it's part of the reality of being a full-time professional. Now that I'm in that reality, though, I have to say - a summer of work can be just as beautiful a thing as a summer off. Because, here's the truth that I've learned: it's hard, VERY hard, to get long-term projects done during the school year. One of my profession's truisms that I've faced as a newbie, and come to realize is accurate, is that my job really is ALL about my students. I mean that in the best way possible; I wouldn't have a job without them! But with that truth, all of my priorities when my students are around focus on those students. I love having an open-door policy; I love that my students trust me enough to come talk to me about work and about their personal issues. The truth of the matter is, though, that it's hard for me to focus on long-term projects during the school year because of the day-to-day, crisis-managing, firefighting role of advising college students.

But now, my friends, it's summer. Granted, some of my students are still around, working on programming for the summer. For the most part, however, it's SILENT in our office. And while I love my students, I am so very, very appreciative of the time to focus. Even though I'm a millennial, I've never really identified or felt comfortable with one of the generational qualities ascribed to us - multitasking. I hate multitasking; I feel like I'm not able to do justice to the work that's assigned to me when I'm forced to juggle it with other tasks. Of course, another reality of the professional world that I faced this year is that my day-to-day is ALL ABOUT MULTITASKING! So now that it's summer, and I'm able to focus on one thing at a time, my brain is a LOT happier.

In short, so far, summer has been treating me beautifully. I have time to truly focus on short- and long-term projects that escaped my notice (or had to be swept under the rug) during the school year. Here's a list, not even close to all-encompassing, but broken down of the things that I'll be working on this summer (work-related and otherwise):

1. Annual Reports - how has our office done with engaging the students? How has the Union Board done with reaching out to its constituents? Are we on target with our mission statement? Can we be proud of the things we've accomplished over the past academic year?
2. Staff and Grad Assistant Training - We just hired a new GA, and will be hiring a new professional in our office. Now is the perfect time to focus on training; what can and should our new professionals and paraprofessionals be getting out of time in our office? How can I as a professional support my colleagues' journeys? How can I make sure that I work to explain and help my colleagues understand the culture of my institution and office even better than I do?
3. Planning for the Year Ahead - Summer is the perfect time to take a look around and see where we are and how we can improve. I want to try to be intentional about thinking about the year ahead; now that I know what the school year looks like, what can I do now to ease my path later on?
4. Reflection Time - Now that I've been in my role for a year (almost), I really want to take stock of where I've been and where I'm going. I want to set goals for the coming year, and to really think about my professional development. This project includes blogging more - I've missed the catharsis and the engagement that this medium brings, and I really want to make an effort to be processing this way more (and engaging with my fellow professionals via their blogs). Which leads to...
5. Professional Development - How can I seek out new opportunities to grow and learn? I've already been blessed with one opportunity coming up this summer, ACUI's IPDS New Professionals Orientation. I'm so excited to get to spend a week with fellow new professionals! (nerd alert.) I also want to tackle some reading this summer; I FINALLY got a library card and want to put it to good use, for both leisure and developmental reading. Which leads to my final point...
6. Leisure Time - I have some beautiful vacations coming up in July; I'm playing on a co-rec softball team; I recently bought my very own bicycle. I want to be very purposeful about relaxing into this less stressful summer schedule, and really enjoying my "time off" (as close to time off as I'll get :))

Here's to you, summer 2013 - let's make it a good one!

It Keeps You Runnin'

Good morning, readers! Another summer day is upon us, but with prospects of a LONG and HAPPY Fourth of July weekend ahead, this week is just flying by.

To tell the truth, this SUMMER is flying by. With Florida State's Orientation officially over (hooray!), my year with the Student Alumni Association is officially over, and my feelings are definitely bittersweet. I learned so much in that assistantship, and am thankful for the relationships I built and the skills I gained. Even though I'll miss it at times, I have so much to look forward to--I have started an internship with the Career Center here at FSU, working with the Garnet and Gold Scholar Society, and then the second week of August I begin a NEW assistantship for my second year in grad school with the Student Activities Center!

In the meantime, I'm also taking time for me and looking forward to some personal things; namely, at the end of July, I'll be attending (as a bridesmaid :)) the wonderful wedding of my college roommate/best friend, Sarah, and her fiance/my friend Chris. This wedding will not only be a time to celebrate their relationship and bright future together, but it's also the ONLY time I'll be returning to Texas this summer and an opportunity to be reunited with some of my best friends from undergrad!

Like I said, I'm a bridesmaid for this wedding (my first time as an attendant! I'm pumped!), and I know there will be LOTS of pictures taken, so needless to say, I'm being completely shallow and decided that I want to make sure I grace the pictures with the greatest of photogenic ease. On top of that, I've been feeling like a lazy bum lately, and so this weekend I decided that the time had come for me to bring working out (running, mostly) back into my life. Ever since I improved my lifestyle and learned to be healthier last summer, I've noticed a change in the way I feel physically AND emotionally. I liked the way I looked, I liked the way I felt, and I liked the way I felt about how I looked (does that make sense? It does to me).

This spring semester was challenging, and unfortunately, part of that challenge was me LOSING aspects of my self-care such as exercising, and just plain feeling lousy. But luckily, with the motivation of this wedding looming ahead, and the unexpected partnership and participation of my cohort buddy Jason, it's time to get back into shape!

This past Sunday, Jason and I were discussing how we missed working out and how we wished we could find the motivation to do it. All of a sudden, we realized--what if we ran TOGETHER? We'd not only have a buddy to keep us motivated, we'd also have someone to keep us accountable and to kick each other's butt when we needed it. So Monday evening we embarked upon our first run, and I think our routine is going to be a resounding success. We run on a track, and so we warm up with 2 laps (half a mile), run one mile straight through (4 laps), and then cool down with 2 more laps, bringing it to 2 miles total.

I know that all the fitness experts say you're supposed to work out with a buddy, but really, listen to them. When my legs want to quit towards the end of our third lap, seeing Jason keeping pace out of the corner of my eye helps me round the next corner and keep moving. Our goal is to eventually be able to run 3 miles straight through by the time school starts, and I think we can do it. We have each other to keep motivated, and to compliment each other when we notice how in-shape we feel :)

So look out, world! I'm back in the running business, and I'm coming to get you. Granted, my legs feel like jello first thing when I wake up in the morning, but I can already tell a difference in my mood (endorphins are the BEST) and how well I'm sleeping (although my mom has always said I could sleep through a tornado, so I don't know how different that is). Soon to follow: world domination. And by the world, I mean Jason's and my little corner of the track. But I think that's enough to start with!

"Squeezing the Sponge"

Good morning! And a good Wednesday morning it is, although rather hot and humid here in Tallahassee ( I should expect nothing less by now!).

Summer has come as usual with its hot days, weekends by the pool, grilling cookouts, and baseball games in the dusk (I. Love. Summer.), but this particular summer has also afforded me with one of the most full work schedules I've ever had. Currently, Florida State is in the midst of its Orientation for the Class of 2015, and as the graduate assistant for the Student Alumni Association, one of the largest student organizations on campus, summer Orientation is our prime membership recruitment time. So for the past four weeks and the next two, I'm outside with my students in the afternoon, advertising SAA and asking passers-by to take a picture with our cutouts of the Garnet and Gold Glitter Guys, and then in the evenings I am helping welcome parents to FSU by hosting receptions out at our Alumni Association. So from 1pm to 10pm (with a break for dinner), I'm on the go, in the heat, working and working and working some more.

This work is enjoyable, for SURE. It's amazing to be reminded of the zeal of the incoming freshmen and other students who are so excited and apprehensive to begin their college careers (and strange to realize it's been five years since I was doing the same thing!). I love helping answer parents' questions and helping them navigate the confusing world that is being a parent of a college student. Most of all, I love the additional time with my students over the summer, when we can relax a lot of the rigidity that the school year holds, develop stronger relationships as friends and as GA to students, and enjoy publicizing our organization to new students.

However, this busy summer schedule also holds a deep challenge for me, one that I must work very hard to overcome every day. You see, my number one StrengthsQuest strength is Empathy, or the ability to be able to see others' perspectives and really put myself in their shoes. This strength has been SUCH a blessing over the years, as it has enabled me to work better in group settings, to get to know new friends and colleagues, and to serve as a mediator between friends and in the workplace. Even so, those of you who are familiar with StrengthsQuest also know that all strengths have a "shadow side," or a challenging side to them. Even if you aren't familiar with StrengthsQuest, you have probably realized that some of your greatest personality and work strengths can double as your greatest challenges as well (for example, motivation can turn into pushing others; friendliness can turn into people-pleasing; adaptation can turn into indecisiveness). For me, empathy holds a great danger: compassion fatigue.

As I said, my Empathy enables me to put myself wholly in others' shoes; to really understand how they think and how that affects their actions, and then to convey that to others. However, as I pour myself into others (and let them pour themselves into me), I become a combination lighting rod and sponge for emotion. That's the danger in empathy--with understanding of others comes, well, an empathy for how they feel; a true knowledge of what's in their mind and heart. And while I love being able to convey emotion to others and enable understanding, soaking up emotions all day gets--as you can imagine--EXHAUSTING. When I get home, although I've enjoyed my day, my mind (my sponge, if you will) is FULL of others' happinesses, joys, sadnesses, anxieties, stresses, and every other emotion they exude throughout the day.

Don't get me wrong; I love having the strength of empathy. Many times, this skill has enabled me to build bridges where none existed and to strengthen relationships, both professional and personal. It's given me insight into people that I thought I could never understand, and a true compassion for every human being around me. However, as I said, the danger in compassion is what many in this profession have encountered--compassion fatigue, the danger of being so full of others' emotions that you become numb and feel no longer. Many days, my sponge gets full, and I'm "plumb tuckered out."

So how do I combat this fatigue? I take part in what Dr. Adrienne Frame, Director of Housing here at FSU, calls "squeezing the sponge." When my brain, my heart--my "sponge"--gets too full, I have to take time for myself, to "wring it out," to process and think (or sometimes not think at all!), and to come back to work and life the next day renewed and ready for more interactions, sponge empty and ready for more.

Recently, this "sponge-squeezing time" has taken the form of me becoming a SERIOUS homebody. It's not that I don't enjoy hanging out with my friends; I most definitely do! But on weekends, when I FINALLY have time to spend on myself, I like to be by myself. Whether that takes the form of reading a book, or catching up with my favorite television shows, or watching movies, or SLEEPING, I enjoy "me-time" to focus on myself and to engage in that self-care that is oh so important in life.

And you know what? I refuse to feel guilty for taking care of myself. Everyone needs sponge-squeezing time, and the most important thing is to know WHEN you need it and to know HOW you can do it.

So think about it. How do you squeeze your sponge? What refreshes you and renews you for a new day? And how do you encourage those around you to take their own time to renew themselves?

Until next time, readers, I hope your summer days are bright and your summer nights are cool (oh, those summer nights.). :)