The Dating Game: Handling Love, Like, and Fit on the Job Search

It's January now, and as the higher education administration job search season rolls around again, I always start to get really interested in people's stories about their job search processes. My own job search just after I graduated from my master's program was rather unique and VERY long, and I love trading "war stories" with friends and colleagues to compare and contrast experiences on the search.

As I reflect, though, "war stories" isn't necessarily the best description of the job search (although I'm sure some of my colleagues can attest to some interviews that felt like battles!). Rather, the most appropriate metaphor I have ever heard, and the one I usually share with people, is that the higher ed job search is like dating. 

So, how did you two meet?

The job search begins with precisely that - a search. Some of us sign up for an "online dating website," i.e. HigherEdJobs.com or Chronicle.com. We carefully craft our profile (resume, cover letter), and start to search for certain criteria for that "special one" - location, job duties, salary. Another route some of us take is to use friends and colleagues to see if that "special one" is on the market without resorting to online methods. We ask mentors, supervisors, friends to pass along that one opportunity that may seem like a good fit ("Oh my goodness, you two would be perfect for each other!").

Sometimes this blind date method can yield amazing results because of the networking connection; sometimes the online dating method is best because you can pick and choose the criteria you're looking for in a position before you meet or talk for the first time. Whatever your methods, much like dating, the key is to get yourself out there, and to know what you're looking for.

Speed-Dating / Going Out on the Town

For many in the dating game, an ideal situation is to go where the "fish" are plentiful, such as out in the community, going to a bar or restaurant, or attending a speed-dating or networking event. This way, you can get to meet potential dates or mates in person first to WOW them with your rugged good looks and sparkling social skills. (Don't we all have those qualities?) In higher education, these social events are placement exchanges, such as NASPA's TPE or ACPA's C3. While not necessarily critical to your job search, these job placement conferences can be an amazing place to meet new people, practice your interviewing skills, and get feedback on your resume and cover letter.

Although my job didn't come from my attending TPE, several of my on-campus interviews did, and I was incredibly thankful for the chance to get to meet employers in person and practice my interviewing skills. The other benefit of these placement exchanges is much the same as your benefit from going out or attending a speed-dating event - you get to see what's out there, and you get to see what qualities or traits a potential job match has that make your heart beat a little faster. Is it the job itself that drew your eye? Is it the conveyed personality of the office or institution? Placement exchanges are a great place to figure out what YOU'RE on the market for, as well as being on the market yourself. Beyond the placement exchange, conferences too can be perfect opportunities to meet with potential employers to feel out open positions.

First Date - the Jitters, being Grilled, and Sparks Flying

Ahhh, the phone interview, or in our job search dating terms, the first date. A time to get to know your potential partner - the institution, the co-workers - but also to impress. You feel the obligation to be your authentic self but ALSO be on your best behavior; you try to strike the right balance of humor and sincerity; of asking questions and answering them. You do your best to read who you're interacting with to gauge their level of interest, all while doing your best to honestly express your interest. Your stomach often shakes with butterflies; you can't tell if there will be another call after or whether just this first interaction is all you'll have... sound nerve-wracking?

I don't mean to make it seem intimidating; in fact, once you get the hang of phone interviews, they can be quite enjoyable, a chance to get a read on the institution for which you're interested in working. But there are always questions. Will they grill you, or make it more like a conversation? How long do you talk in order to express yourself best without droning on and on? How do you honestly talk about yourself without exposing your flaws too quickly? What are the best questions to ask to find out about the culture of the institution and office? Phone interviews, much like first dates, are crap-shoots: they can be duds, or sparks can fly. The best advice I can give is to be prepared - reflect on your stories and your values, and do your due diligence to research the office and the position - and to be yourself.

Meeting the Parents (and Friends, and Exes, and the Whole Darn Family), or the On-Campus Interview
So things went well on your first date - er, interview. So well, in fact, that your date - er, institution - is thinking about making this a permanent arrangement. It's time for that moment, the one that every singleton/job searcher dreads - it's time to meet the parents. In terms of our job searching process, this means the on-campus interview. This is the big one - your opportunity to impress, to sell yourself and what you're about so that the institution can decide if you'll be a fit for them. You want to look your best, feel your best, and interview your best, so prepare, prepare, prepare. Much like dating though, and similarly to the rest of the job-search process, the on-campus interview isn't just a question of whether the employer likes you: it's ALSO a question of whether you can see yourself making that long-term commitment to your potential employer. The "big question" must be answered in a resounding YES by BOTH parties, and the on-campus interview is your prime time to make sure that you're going to find room to grow, to learn, and to become your best self in this "relationship."

While you're preparing to answer questions, prepare to ask lots of them too - what is the office culture like? How does your office interact with its students? What kind of support will you get from supervisors? Where does your office fit in the grand cultural & political scheme of campus? What is it like to live in the city or town? Will your transition be an easy one or a hard one? These are all questions that should be answered before you decide to make a serious step toward that "long-term commitment" of taking a job. And remember, institutions are made up of people, and people are inevitably messy. No one is perfect; even your "perfect" institution probably has its share of skeletons in their closet. So the question to ask is - much like in a long-term relationship - does their baggage match yours?

Will you say YES to the Big Question?
The final step in any job search process is the big one, THE question, the one we all hope for and dream of: the job offer. When your phone lights up with your potential employer's number, your heart starts beating faster, the butterflies in your stomach get to flying... and it's happening! They've picked YOU! This institution wants to make a commitment to YOU!!!

Of course, much like big steps in any relationship - moving in together, getting married, having/adopting children, etc - MUCH thought and preparation should be put into the answer to this question. Did you truly feel a fit with this institution - e.g., are the job duties what you're looking for? Is the office culture supportive of what you need? Do the salary and benefits work for you? Geographically, is this institution in the right place? Mission-wise, does this institution value what you value? If you're able to answer all of these questions in the affirmative, then lucky you - it's time to say YES to your "one." (Or at least, your next "one.")

But once you give that answer, the work is not over. Much like any relationship, expectations must be clarified and set. For anyone who's committed to a long term partner, you know what these questions include - who is handling the finances? Are we combining bank accounts, or keeping them separate? Do we want to have kids, and if so, how many? Is our family going to be spiritual, and if so, what does that look like? (and so on.)

In the same way, you must ask questions of your soon-to-be employer (and negotiate, negotiate, negotiate). Although I'm no expert on negotiation, I can give you a starting list, based on my own experience, of what conversation topics should include with your new employer (and colleagues):

• Start date
• Salary (is there room to negotiate, and does it make sense to do so? When is payday each month, and how often? What benefits get taken out automatically?)
• Benefits (what is covered by the university, and how much? If you're switching institutions, can the retirement fund you've already started be carried over? Can health benefits be carried over? If you have a partner and/or other dependents, how much are they covered under your benefits?)
• Moving assistance (Is there any extra money in the budget to get moving expenses covered?)
• The town/city/area (Where is a good place to live, if you get to live off-campus? How far away should you live, based on your work hours? What are fun things to do near the institution, and far away from it? How far are you from a major airport?)
• University amenities, especially parking & recreational centers (How much is parking per month, and what does faculty/staff parking look like near your building? Do faculty/staff get free membership to campus rec centers, or do you have to pay? If you have to pay, can it be deducted from your paycheck?)
• Time off (How much vacation/sick time is included in your initial benefits package? What is your supervisor's/the institution's approach to flex time vs. vacation time?)
• Professional development (Are you provided any funds by your office, department, or the institution? Is participation in regional, state, and/or national associations encouraged? Are there any conferences that you are expected to attend, based on your functional area? Are there any additional campus grants or funds for which you can apply if you want to attend more than one conference?)
• General day-to-day expectations (What are your hours? What is the office "dress code"? Do your colleagues stop in each other's offices and chat for a short time each day, or does everyone keep to themselves? How full should your calendar be? What are your regular weekly, bi-weekly, and monthly meetings? How does your supervisor expect you to keep him/her informed about your progress?)

Although not an exhaustive list, hopefully these questions spark good and healthy conversation with your new institution and supervisor. Again, healthy communication is the key - it's important to talk about important issues as soon as possible so you can make sure that you and your new employers are on the same page before you begin work.

Happily Ever After?

No job is permanent in this world, especially in an ever-evolving field like student affairs. So while I wish for all of my readers healthy, LONG-lasting long-term relationships (if that's what you're looking for), what I wish for you in the job search is fit. 

I hope that you are taking time, being patient, and making sure to prioritize your values. I hope that you are looking into the future, and applying for jobs that will help you learn and grow and continually become better. I hope that you are applying at institutions whose missions and actions show them to be principled employers who care about student well-being. 

Most of all, even though it might not be an "ever-after," I do wish you a HAPPY job searching, and a GOOD job that will enable you to do your BEST work.

Treat Yo'self.

If you're anything like me, multitasking is NOT your strong suit. I have tried and tried to develop multitasking as a skill, and you'd think that as a part of the Millennial Generation I'd be a pro at hopping from task to task, but more often than not I find that multitasking confuses and exhausts me. I much prefer to focus on one task at a time, working towards that task's completion (or at least to a good stopping point).

The problem, of course, is that the nature of my work - fast-paced, people-oriented advising and event planning - doesn't really allow for a "slow and steady wins the race" mentality. More often than not, I find myself juggling 3 or 4 assignments or requests at a time, then pause that work to speak with a student or co-worker, and then I come back to my desk to find 5 more tasks awaiting me. Although I very much enjoy my work, it's no wonder that I very often don't feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day; I hop from task to task so much that it feels like I only make baby steps toward the larger goal.

My shining moments, however, are days when the office is quiet, and I can really get to work, either zooming down my to-do list, eliminating task after task, or spending an entire morning or afternoon on just one project, focusing and trying to get into "flow" (for the curious, I highly recommend Mihalyi Czikszentmihalyi's TED Talk). I truly do feel happier and more productive when I am single-mindedly focused on just one thing at a time.

Although it's summertime and the workload and busyness are predicted to slow down for us education folks, I have found that this summer has been challengingly busy so far. Although the workday doesn't feel the same as it does during the school year (especially since I'm working magical hours - 9 am to 4 pm - as opposed to my usual 9- to 10-hour day), my days are still filled with meetings, discussions, and endless lists of tasks to get done. Shockingly, I find myself almost as exhausted at the end of these summer workdays as I do during the academic year. Unfortunately, summer is the perfect time to work on both short-term tasks and long-term projects, so burnout is something that I desperately need to avoid in order to be my most productive self.

So how can I slow the burnout?

Please note, I do not enjoy fire as much as Bellatrix Lestrange.

Knowing myself as I do, the surest way to rejuvenate my interest and energy is to find my "one project" on which I can focus. When I sat down at my desk this morning, I decided that my imminent and semi-urgent tasks on my to-do list can in fact wait until the afternoon; this morning will be spent working on a project that I enjoy and am passionate about (in this particular case, re-working my syllabus for the leadership class I'll be teaching in the fall). I will, without guilty feeling, focus for the entire morning on this project. Then, after lunch, I'll dedicate the rest of the day to crossing tasks off of the to-do list and fighting the small fires that erupt.

It's summertime, it's a Thursday, and life will go on. For now, I'm going to focus on something that gives me energy, and then I'll be able to bring that energy and interest back to my everyday work this afternoon and tomorrow.

I pose this question to you - what small decision can you make to fight your own summer burnout? How can you find ways to regain your energy, to "treat yo'self," as our good friends Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford say, so that you can continually bring your best energy to your work?

Why buy the cow?

This blog post is inspired by this past week's #SAchat, which jumped on the oft-thought-taboo topic of leaving student affairs and higher education, but still utilizing student affairs skills. Or, as I'd like to call it, "taking your talents to South Beach" (and yes, some Lebron-leaving-Cleveland comparisons DID get thrown into the chat!).

As the chat went on, a question came up on whether Student Affairs preparatory programs (especially master's programs) should expose their students to opportunities outside the profession. Some participants said "No way, Jose" - this isn't the job of student affairs prep programs! Why would you go and get a student affairs degree unless you KNEW you wanted to do student affairs?? Others said, "Huh. That could be a good idea" - considering how wide and varied the field of higher education actually is, perhaps HESA programs should offer more exposure beyond just student affairs!

I want to pause this blog post here, and take a moment to tell you a story of a young junior in college. Bright-eyed and optimistic, this young lady double-majored in communication and English, with no real purpose in doing either, other than she loved reading and writing, and her parents and mentors said that communication would be a "really useful" degree (side note: it totally was.Yes, this person is me. DARN IT, I didn't mean to reveal that 'til later!). ANYWAY, when asked what I wanted to do after graduation, I would immediately panic. My first instinct has always been to be a teacher; after taking communication classes, I would often say something like "human resources" or another vague corporate-related title. But I had no real knowledge of what I wanted to do after graduation. In college, though, I had an incredible life outside the classroom - I was deeply involved in several student organizations, and besides just giving me some of the best friends I've made in life, these organizations also gave me a purpose for my time in school. So, imagine my SHOCK when one of my advisors (shout-out to you, Sonja!) told me the ultimate secret - what she did, as our organization's advisor, was a FULL-TIME JOB. She went to SCHOOL for it, and got a DEGREE! I was hooked. You mean, I thought, that I would get to work with college students... and stay in college... and plan programs... FOREVER? You can see the appeal, I'm sure. So my senior year, I applied to graduate schools, and by the end of the process I was offered a graduate assistantship at Florida State University.

The rest is not quite history. You see, there were SEVERAL times in graduate school when I questioned what I was doing, and whether or not student affairs was the right profession for me. I don't blame anyone for this - I consciously chose to pursue my master's degree with the level of experience I had as an undergrad. Part of this was because I was convinced that student affairs was the right path for me. I'll be honest, another part was that I didn't have any OTHER plans, and getting a "big-kid job" absolutely terrified me, so graduate school sounded pretty spectacular at the time. The economy was awful, so why not put off the job search for two more years? Not the best motivation, I know, but coupled with my deep-seeded interest in what I knew of higher education, it was enough to get me to graduate school.

Four years later, I still have moments where I question if this is the right profession for me. I now know that that's a completely normal question, one often asked by colleagues in this profession as well as many others. Here's what I wonder, though - could my initial lack of knowledge of the field been addressed before I went to graduate school?  While my mentors and advisors did their absolute best (and beyond) to get me ready for student affairs, was there another step I could have taken for me to test out whether I really wanted to go into higher education? Or, in other words, could I have tried the milk before I bought the whole cow?

(Make sure to read the fine print before you make that bovine purchase!)

As I reflect on this question, I think about other graduate and professional prep programs, like law school or medical school. I've often heard my friends who attended law school say, "You either love or you hate law school. There's no happy medium, there's no in between." The question is, though, how will you know if you love it before you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on that J.D.? Same with medical school - you may not actually want to be a doctor, but how will you know that until you've spent hundreds of hours studying for the MCAT and, again, hundreds of thousands of dollars on getting your M.D.? How are we giving young people the opportunity to try out the "behind the scenes" of different professions before we ask them to commit to furthering their education? Is there a better way?

My good friend Amma Marfo has blogged about this question before, and posed the answer that perhaps a gap year after undergrad is something that the U.S. (and especially higher education) should culturally consider adopting in order to afford graduates the time to experience the profession for themselves. Similarly, Tim St. John suggests that in order to "grow the profession," we should actually be giving students a more realistic look at "what's behind the curtain" rather than selling that our work is all pizza, icebreakers, and rainbows (as so many like to stereotype student affairs).

Some opportunities like this already exist: NASPA offers an Undergraduate Fellows Program to provide undergrads an opportunity to practice before graduate school. Many institutions offer "create your own" internship experiences for undergrads; my office here at IU has begun what we hope will be a long-standing undergrad summer intern program (look for posts to come about this cool opportunity!). My alma mater, Texas A&M, actually dedicates a one-year, full-time professional position with Class Councils to anyone who wants to "try out" student affairs, no master's degree required.

If these offices, organizations, and institutions have recognized the importance of giving undergraduates the opportunity of a "trial period" before asking them to buy the proverbial cow, why can't the whole profession? Why can't we, as higher education and student affairs professionals, make a commitment to better informing those interested in our work by giving them opportunities to practice? After all, ours is a profession that prides itself on tying what we learn in the classroom to the practical experiences that we have.

To bring this back to the #SAchat discussion, what I'm proposing is that, instead of stigmatizing those who leave the profession as "quitters," instead of blaming the 60% of new professionals who burn out and drop out within 5 years for not managing work-life balance better, let's as a profession take on the responsibility of giving interested parties a better understanding of what our work actually entails before requiring them to make a commitment to it. Let's offer more undergraduate internships and entry-level (meaning no master's required) jobs so that we can openly show "what's behind the curtain" to interested parties rather than requiring that you buy the cow before you taste the milk. After all, as a profession deeply concerned with transparency and authenticity, wouldn't it behoove us to practice as we preach and to be more transparent with what student affairs and higher education actually entail?

At the end of the day, I think these opportunities for pre-graduate-degree-practice would only be a win. Not only would those who commit to graduate school have a MUCH better mental picture of the commitment they are undertaking, but they would truly feel "pulled to something they love," as Amma so eloquently wrote in another blog post (as opposed to realizing 5 years down the road that student affairs just ISN'T for them). Even more, rather than wondering which of our fresh-out-of-grad-school new professionals will be part of the 60% to burn out in 5 years, supervisors and mangers in the field would have a crop of pro's who not only made the conscious commitment to go into student affairs, but who also have a year or more of professional experience prior to graduate school, as well as any assistantship experience gained during graduate programs.

In the end, I don't think it's a bad thing in any way, shape, or form to leave student affairs. I don't think it should be stigmatized, nor do I think it should be a taboo subject. Rather, I encourage us as a field to consider ways to address the cause before the symptoms start, and give interested parties a taste of the amazing things that we get to do as student affairs professionals before we ask them to make the graduate school commitment.

LeaderShape, Day Two: The Value of One, the Power of All

Note: This Spring Break, I served as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This was my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I wanted to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.

LeaderShape makes a point to set a theme for each day of its Institute, and these themes all build upon one another and on the learning of the participants. Day One's theme is Building Community (see my blog post on Day One here, and on our faculty training on Day Zero here), and Day Two's theme is "The Value of One, the Power of All."

This is one of the most impactful themes of the LeaderShape experience for me. It ties nicely into the basis of my personal professional philosophy: I believe that every individual has inherent value. No matter where you come from, no matter your background, no matter what you do or what you look like, you matter. This is an important thought that I try to impress upon the college students I work with (and on my colleagues, friends, family members, etc.) - every person matters. Even if you don't like someone, even if you disagree with another person's beliefs or worldview, every person matters. 

But how do we balance that with building community? How can we possibly jibe the two concepts of individual self-worth and the larger importance of community as a whole?

Well, imagine a world where every person believes that they matter. Imagine a world where self-esteem is no longer an issue; where every young child is told from the moment they're born that they are valuable. Imagine how much kinder people would be if they weren't competing for attention or to have their voice heard, because they already knew that their perspective was valuable.

Even more than that, imagine a world where every person not only knew that THEY mattered, but also knew that every person on this planet matters. Your story is just one piece of the larger whole of life, and you are inextricably tied into every other life on this planet. 

Do you have chills thinking about that? I certainly do. 

And so, thinking back on Day Two of LeaderShape, I'm ecstatic that we spent a day reminding all our participants that they matter (on a one-to-one basis), and that THEY matter (as a collective whole). Despite the discriminations and hurtful words of their past, despite the pain of their upbringing and of growing up, despite every struggle that feels like it weighs on them every day, they matter.

Having these conversations reminded me that this concept - "the value of one, the power of all" - is a part of my personal philosophy, and that I want to enact more and more each day. How am I treating myself with kindness, because I matter? How am I treating others with kindness, to show them that THEY matter? 

Thank you, LeaderShape, for holding me accountable to this belief, and for giving us the chance to build into these participants that they are valuable, and together they are powerful.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

LeaderShape, Day One: Building Community

Note: This Spring Break, I served as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This was my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I wanted to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.

LeaderShape is BIG about its verbiage; I'm learning a whole new lens and language this week as I'm facilitating this awesome experience. Day Zero was a faculty training day, and we (as a team of colleagues) worked on both understanding the curriculum so we can share it with our participants and on setting goals to stretch ourselves for the week. (See my Day Zero post here.)

Day One, the day that our student participants arrive, is a day that is all about Building Community. This is practiced in several ways - we share the mission of LeaderShape with our participants so they're all on the same page with us; we do TONS of icebreakers and teambuilders so we can start getting to know the whole LeaderShape community; and we break into our Family Clusters for the first time.

The Family Cluster (a.k.a. a small breakout group) are the discussion group that the participants work with for the duration of the Institute. Clusters can run anywhere from 8-15 people, and the groups serve as sounding boards, support networks, and a tight-knit group of people with whom the participants can interact, learn, and grow.

I am absolutely in awe of my family cluster. Freshmen through fifth-year seniors; domestic and international students; students who are privileged and students who have overcome (and are still overcoming) INSANE life obstacles... I've got the whole gamut. I won't go into detail about the things they already shared with me on NIGHT ONE, but I do want to applaud their bravery, authenticity, and vulnerability. These people went DEEP with me and with each other, and I don't think I can thank them enough for sharing their stories with me. I cannot WAIT to see where we are on Day Six versus Day One (although I am, of course, trying to live in the moment!), and I cannot wait to continue to learn from these amazing students.

My Cluster chose the name "Divergent" as our Family name, after the bestselling book/just-released film. For those of you who are unaware, Divergent is about a young woman who makes life choices centered around the discovery that she is more than who her society told her she is. That sums up my Cluster to a "T" - despite their backgrounds; despite the world trying to beat them down, each day they are trying to choose to be more than who they seem to be. 

LeaderShape is going to be a pretty special experience.

LeaderShape, Day Zero: Be present.

Note: This Spring Break, I am serving as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This is my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I want to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.

This semester has been a whirlwind so far, as spring semesters always are - my students that I work with on the Union Board turn over in January, so that month is spent meeting and beginning to train those students. February is full of more training, student programming, and IU's higher education & student affairs program (from which my office gets its graduate assistants) interviews. March is Spring Break and conference season, leading into April, which is full of the Little 500 races at IU, and then... boom. Finals week and summer. As I've gotten older, life has moved faster and faster, and spring semesters are especially NOT the exception to that rule. I've had to consciously practice taking time to stop and smell the roses, which is not something that I'm naturally good at. I like to be concerned about the future and where I'm going, instead of being present where I am.

This year, I have the opportunity to be a small-group facilitator on IU's LeaderShape Institute, a six-day immersive leadership retreat that encourages college students to work toward creating a thriving, just world; that teaches them that everyone is a leader regardless of position; and that gets all its participants to create a vision and action plan for the kind of future they would want to see.

Accompanying all of this are a lot of truisms that play into the LeaderShape experience. It's an immersive, "mountain-top" experience that gets participants to examine themselves deeply and ultimately ask the question, "Who do I want to be?" As someone who has a LOT of experience with immersive retreats, I love this format, but I also dread it. My natural tendency, especially in a facilitator position, is not to "stop and smell the roses" as I said above. I like to know what's next; I like to be self-assured in the material I'm covering; I like to step back from throwing myself into the experience in order to allow the people for whom I'm facilitating to have a more immersive experience themselves. But LeaderShape is NOT the kind of experience that allows that, and that's what I had to learn on Day Zero (faculty/facilitator training day).

One of LeaderShape's most-used truism is to "Trust the Process." Time and time again in my life, I've had to do that - with my graduate school search, with switching graduate assistantships, with my job search, with transitioning into being a young professional... and yet I never quite let it click for me until after it's all over. I worry and I stress, and I look to what's next instead of what's happening in that moment... and then I miss some absolutely critical, meaningful, and magical moments.

So that's one of my biggest challenges to myself this week (or, as LeaderShape calls it, a "GAG"- Going Against my Grain) - to live in the moment; to not stress about what's next but rather to be present in the here and now. In working with the participants from Day One through Day Six and beyond, I don't want to stress or to worry, but rather to experience this wonderful, reflective, challenging retreat alongside them.

I look to my fellow faculty members, and even my own small group (shoutout to you, Divergent!) to hold me accountable to this GAG, because I know it's going to be a challenge. But LeaderShape is about stretching yourself to allow for what could be... and the future is a bright one.

Perception is Reality

Although a cliche phrase, the words "perception is reality" have taken on a new meaning for me in the past year and half of my professional work.

My profession, student affairs, focuses deeply on concepts like authenticity, intentionality, self-authorship, and clear interpersonal communication. I think these concepts are important, especially in my work with college students. I want them to learn how to be their own authentic selves. I want them to be internally driven rather than externally motivated. I want them to make their own decisions and choices, and be willing to stand up and speak up for those choices. I want them to learn how to present themselves in a way that is authentic, and professional, and that will lead to their success and happiness after they graduate.

Even more than that, I want to role model these behaviors for my students. I want to be intentional in my interactions with them, to not waste a moment we have together. I want to be authentic with them, so they know I'm a real person who cares about them, not just a "mom" figure or someone who says "no" or who challenges them constantly. I want them to engage in open dialogue with me, to critically listen to what I say and then critically think about the choices and decisions they make as a result. I want to give them constructive feedback, to let them know when they are doing well, and how they can grow and learn from their choices. I want to role model these concepts for my colleagues, too - to be known among my peers as someone who says what she means and means what she says; someone who is real and who really cares.

If I've learned anything as a communication major, higher education and student affairs graduate student, and student affairs professional, though, it's that, to borrow another oft-quoted phrase, "The best-laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley." Or, for those of us who don't often use Scottish colloquialisms, even the most well-planned or well-intentioned actions or words don't always come across they way we want.

We can be the best-meaning people. We can want the best for the people we interact with on a daily basis. We can truly be authentic and be ourselves in our interactions with others. But we cannot plan for others' perceptions of us.

How many times have you sent an email that you meant to be kind in tone or generally without emotion, that was received as an attack? How many times have you asked a genuinely curious question, that was received as a criticism? How many times have you done something for someone as a kindness or because you normally would do it, and they take it that you don't trust them or that you're overstepping your boundaries?

These are just small examples of what I've learned in many ways during these first 2 years of my professional work - perception is reality. Even if I am the most authentic and intentional and REAL person that I can be, I cannot plan for or compensate for how others will see me, react to me, or think of me. So often, we find ourselves doing damage control for something that wasn't even meant to be negative or something that was perceived in COMPLETELY the wrong way. Even so, the negativity was perceived by the other person (or other people), and so has become the reality of the situation. Perception is reality.

To a point, it's futile to worry about this. As I said, we most often cannot plan for how others will react to us. I think it'd be a mistake to take this TOO far in the other direction, and to be so worried about how others will react to us that we forget to be real, authentic, and internally motivated. But I've learned some ways to counter this often-negative reality, that perception is reality...

1. Awareness: As the adage goes, the first step to fixing your problem is admitting you have one. Knowing that the way others perceive you is important, and knowing that their perception may not (probably will not) match your presentation of yourself is even more important. Because this awareness can lead you to...

2. Proactivity: Another VERY important lesson that I've learned over the past 2 years is from Deb Dunbar, IU's Director of Organizational Development Services: "You cannot hold someone accountable unless you have set expectations for them." In any partnership, relationship, whatever, setting expectations is CRITICAL for governing how interactions will go in the future. Unless you've clarified for the other person what you expect from them - and what they expect from you - you cannot have feedback conversations. Which leads to my next point...

3. Willingness to have "the tough conversation": As a fairly emotional person, I used to shy away from conflict. I would bottle up my emotions and negative feelings, and then unleash them all at once in huge, knock-down drag-out tear-filled arguments. It has taken adulthood - college, graduate school, and my first real jobs - to learn how to be (more) comfortable with conflict. It has taken time to learn that conflict doesn't necessarily mean an argument or fight; conflict simply can mean addressing tension, miscommunication, or misunderstanding. This is SO key to being able to handle the fact that "perception is reality": once an action is misconstrued or a conversation misunderstood, there's no amount of proactivity that can fix it; you're flying on reactivity alone. But within this reaction, it HAS to be your choice to be an adult and to address the misunderstanding as soon as possible. While someone else's perception of you may have taken a negative turn, the only way that you can correct that perception is if you address it. And while some may quote Dr. Seuss - "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" - the reality of life is that we don't live in a vacuum. We live lives that constantly intersect with others'; human beings are innately social creatures that rely on our relationships to live, work, and love. We cannot write off others' perceptions of us (especially negative ones) as "no matter."

Again, my caveat with this is that we can't let others' perceptions of us rule our lives. For while their perceptions are reality, ours are too! And the only way to address differing perceptions? Talk about it. Share your story, who you are, why you do what you do. Listen to someone else's story. Be open to understanding others and their reality. Reconcile differences. Be proactive in building positive relationships in and for the future.

As the great actress Ellen Page just said (albeit in a completely different context): "This world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another." The first step in building a world of understanding is to open yourself up to understanding other people. 

How are you going to make the choice today to open yourself up to others' perceptions and reality? How are you going to make this reality a better place, today and every day?

Musings on an October Day

Sometimes, one gets the urge to write, and so one must indulge oneself, no matter if one's thoughts are cohesive. (One also occasionally sounds like the Queen of England. We are not amused.)

~

It's FINALLY feeling like fall in Indiana, and Mother Nature isn't the only one dealing with changes. It seems as if everything is in flux right now, but not necessarily in a bad way. I've made a few life changes on my own account for which I'm VERY proud of myself:

FIRST: I started taking a modern dance class once a week. It is the day when I leave work at 5 p.m. like normal people do, and it is the day when I pretend to be Jody Sawyer from Center Stage and just dance my little heart out (regardless of my feet!).

SECOND: I was invited, accepted, and initiated into Gamma Phi Beta sorority as an alumna initiate, and I couldn't be happier about my new sisterhood. I am thrilled to join a long history of women who believe in inspiring "the highest type of womanhood," and I am already so impressed by the alumnae and undergrads that I've met who are now my sisters. I can't wait to get more involved with the chapter here at IU, and to get to fully experience being a Greek!

~

Work continues apace. I am in the midst of my second year as a professional at IU, and my fourth year (SO weird to think about) in a student affairs role as a para/professional. On the one hand, there are moments when I am 1000% confident in who I am as a colleague and advisor; I relish the times when I (finally) know an answer to a student's question or when I am able to provide historic or institutionally contextual perspective to a discussion. I'm expanding my network and deepening my friendships on campus, and I'm FINALLY feeling like a Bloomington "townie." On the other hand, and I have been assured that I am NOT alone in this, there are moments when the dreaded "impostor syndrome" still plagues me, and when I feel like I have been working at this job for a little over a month instead of a little over a year. Thankfully, I have a supportive supervisor and encouraging colleagues, and so I strive to make it through each week a little wiser and a little more equipped professionally.

~

Nerd Alert: the GREAT news is that I'm getting the chance to take part in some awesome professional development opportunities this fall - not only is IU hosting this year's Indiana Student Affairs Association Drive-In Conference (yay day-long pro.dev.!), I also had a presentation proposal accepted at an upcoming regional conference in Ohio! ACUI, one of my professional organizations (the Association of College Unions-International, for those of you who are curious), is hosting my region's conference in a couple of weeks, and I'll be presenting on how to talk with and teach college students about fiscal responsibility in programming (using my own students as a case study). Yeah, I know, I'm a big nerd. But I really like my job and my students are really smart, and I can't not brag on them! I'm also excited to get to talk with other professionals in the midwest about the work they're doing, and see if I can't get some really great ideas to bring back here to our Union.

~

I'm getting the travel bug again. It happens every couple of months, so I'm right on schedule. While the bug will be partially satiated by the aforementioned conference in Ohio, I'll REALLY be getting my travel fix for Thanksgiving, when I get to make a grand return to the motherland for some turkey with good friends and another best friend's WEDDING festivities! (Which will be held at The Salt Lick. Yes, you may indulge in jealousy, while I indulge in delicious barbecue.)

~

I realize, at the end of all this, that it's like a newsletter for my life. But I really have gotten the blogging itch today, and I realized that it's been two and a half months since I last updated this blog, and so I felt some routine life updates were in order. I've been pondering some deeper issues that will hopefully become blog posts sooner rather than later, but in the meantime, I wanted to put it out to the universe that I'm alive and pretty darn content with life.

(As a treat for making it all the way to the end of this post, you now get to watch what must rank as one of the cutest videos of all time. You're welcome.)

The Best Advice I Ever Received: Cover Letter Edition

Writing twice in a week? (almost) Unprecedented! But, per my commitment to do some personal reflection and some professional development, I come to you now with a topic fresh on my mind: the oft-dreaded cover letter.

(cue dramatic music. and yes, that link goes to exactly where you think it goes to.)

As you may remember, about a year and half ago I wrote one of the most dramatic and, in retrospect, silliest blog posts about how much I hate writing cover letters. But it was true then, and if I were applying for jobs now, it would probably still be true - I really, really don't like writing cover letters. Honestly, the first one is the hardest; by the time I was applying for my umpteenth jobs in May, June, and July, I had my structure and writing process down pat. But those first few were rough, in more ways than one: not only was it difficult to write the letters, but the content was definitely a rough draft.

Thankfully, I had the advice and oversight of wonderful friends, colleagues, and mentors, who gave me great feedback and helped me craft my perfect cover letter. And because I know there are quite a few recent grads out there who are still job searching (which is TOTALLY OKAY, you are NOT ALONE, you will NOT BE UNEMPLOYED, JUST BREATHE!!!), I wanted to pass along some of the best cover letter-writing advice that I got from my colleagues on to you.

It's never too late, my friends, to jazz up your cover letter and really make it sing. (I don't know where those music metaphors came from, but there you go). For me, making my cover letter really shine came down to a few top tips:

1) Make the cover letter sound like you wrote it. Thanks to my dear friend Amma (her blog is linked here, READ IT for reals) for this piece of advice and for a few others on this list... your cover letter needs to sounds like YOU. It is quite possibly the first impression an employer will get of who you are, and so it needs to sound like you! Now, I'm not saying you should go full-on informal prose for this tip ("Yo, whaddup search committee?" is probably a big no-no), but there should definitely be elements of YOU in your cover letter (as opposed to your letter sounding like you ripped it off of a "how to write a cover letter" website or Word template). This may take some tweaking, but eventually you can strike a good balance of professional and personally reflective.
My example: my cover letter always started with a "Hello!" It was friendly, open, and reflects me and my personality.

2) Don't be apologetic for your mad skills. This GORGEOUS piece of advice came down from my awesome theory prof (shoutout to you, Brad Cox) through my friend, colleague, and mentor Mackenzie (mad props for her counsel and advice always). I'm gonna get real here: one of the hardest parts of the job search is seemingly bragging about yourself, or, in more normal terms, "self-promotion." It's something I'm not super comfortable with or something I'm very good at (Amma wrote a great blog post about it earlier this year).  But it's a reality of the job search - you need to try to represent how AMAZING a candidate you are. With that, one of the easiest traps to fall into as you're writing a cover letter are the following phrases (see if you recognize any in your cover letter):
"I have had the opportunity to..."
"I am privileged to..."
"I have the chance to..."
Sound familiar? Here's the truth that Brad and Mackenzie passed on to me: while it may seem in your head that you're being honest (let's get real, some days it's a real privilege and honor to do what we do in student affairs), on paper, it seems like you're apologizing for the skills, experiences, and jobs that you've had and accomplished. As Brad put it, "No. You didn't 'have the chance' to do this, you DID IT. You didn't 'have the opportunity' to do this, YOU DID IT."
When you think about it, that makes sense, huh?
And let's be real in another aspect - writing cover letters can be hard because you can't waste or mince words. So don't waste any words apologizing or downplaying your skills and experience, OWN THEM. You DID plan that event. You DID advise those students. It doesn't sound arrogant, it sounds confident and that you have taken ownership of your abilities!

Last but not least...
3) Tell the employer why you're interested in their position. This is another gem passed on to me through Amma, and I can't tell you how meaningful this piece of advice is. Again, I know that you don't want to mince or waste words in your cover letter. But here's the deal - if you spend the whole cover letter talking about why you're qualified for a position, and never touch on WHY you want that position or WHY you want to work at that institution or in that office, it stops being confident and starts reading like you send the same cover letter to every single employer.
And listen, it's FINE if you use the same basic words and structure for your cover letters; I certainly did! But there should be some unique piece in each of your cover letters that addresses one particular institution alone, and tells them why you're even interested in the position.
I promise you, adding this piece to your cover letter, especially as an entry-level professional, can set you MILES above other candidates. The job search is a two-way recruitment process; not only are you trying to sell yourself to your potential employer, but the employer is also trying to get you interested in working at their institution! So if you don't indicate that there's at least a modicum of interest in an institution or office - it could be in their mission statement, in a specific program or model of operation that they have, in their student population or departmental philosophy, whatever - the employer will wonder why you even want the job in the first place! (And I know that there's more to it than just being employed :). )

So there you have it. Those are the 3 best pieces of advice that I received about cover letter writing for student affairs positions.

Have you received any stellar advice? What would you pass on to new generations of student affairs professionals?

A New Year's Resolutions

The sun is shining bright; campus is already abuzz with residence hall move-in and our welcome week, Seminole Sensation Week; and here we are on the eve of another school year at Florida State. Tomorrow will mark another first day of school and my twentieth consecutive year of schooling, and, at least for a while, my last first day of school. That's right--twenty years of school has led to this, my last two semesters in the classroom (we're going to assume that they're the last for now because I have no immediate plans to get a Ph.D.), and in a little less than eight months, I'll be receiving my master's degree. WHOA.

You'd think after 19 years of school I'd have the process of being a student perfected, but you couldn't be more wrong. There are some things I've gotten down pat: I'm great at putting assignments in my planner and color-coding them so I know what's due when (thanks to my borderline OCD for that one), for example. But there are some habits--bad ones--that have only become more ingrained over the past 19 years. So I find myself, on the eve of each school year, making promises and resolutions to be a better me and, above all, a better student.

This year is a little bit different, though. I mean, I'm still swearing that I'm not going to procrastinate; I'm promising myself NO ALL-NIGHTERS TO WRITE A PAPER. Those resolutions might never change. But my resolutions and promises this year don't just relate to my in-the-classroom performance, but to my out-of-the-classroom performance as well. Like I said, in eight months I won't be a formal student anymore, and so this year, I've decided it's time to be intentional about resolving to be a better student both in and outside the classroom. More than that, I want to form habits this year that are going to benefit me as I get a "big kid job" (although I think that many of my colleagues in student affairs would argue that part of the fun of our profession is not having to be a "big kid" all the time :)). I want to practice the habits that are going to help me take care of myself and, ultimately, help me help my students take better care of themselves, so that when they make new-school year's-resolutions, I can support them and make their habits of excellence happen.

So, without any further ado whatsoever, here are my New School Year's Resolutions.

1. Cut back on procrastinating.

Seriously, this is a habit I've had since at least fourth or fifth grade. I vividly remember my parents trying to teach me to give myself incentives, so that when I finish an assignment, I can give myself a treat. Sorry, Mom and Dad, but that habit didn't take. I am a tried-and-true procrastinator, to my everlasting shame. Each year, I promise myself it won't happen, and for about a week I do just fine, but then I hear the call of Facebook... I just want to watch this one movie... The weather is so nice that I can't miss out on that beach trip... and before I know it, it's the night before my paper is due, and I'm chugging coffee and frantically searching Google Scholar to find my perfect 15 articles to cite for my 10-page paper. And at that moment, I always think, "Now Cassidy, if you didn't procrastinate, you wouldn't be stressed to the point of a nervous breakdown right now. Wouldn't that be NICE?"

Obviously, my previous approaches haven't worked, so this year, I'm going to try a different approach. I won't try to cut procrastination cold-turkey out of my life; that isn't happening. Instead, I'll applaud myself when I DO complete assignments and papers way ahead of time and perhaps treat myself to incentives (a new work blouse or skirt? going to see a movie? download a new song?). Then, when I "fall off the wagon" and make a mistake, as is inevitable, instead of getting angry with myself, I'll make a resolution to do better next time. Stay tuned for a progress report on this everlasting disability of mine.

2. Make my own way.

Professional development is hugely important in my chosen profession, student affairs, as I'm sure it's highly encouraged in other professions as well. We have organizations, Twitter accounts and hashtags, monthly and bi-monthly meetings, newsletters, even specially set-aside budgets, ALL for the purpose of continuing to develop ourselves professionally and to learn outside the classroom. Since I am soon to be a real professional, I want to start being very intentional with my own professional development, and to form the habits now, during my second year of grad school, that will help me when I get my "big kid" job.

However, there are pitfalls to avoid in this quest to become a well-developed, well-rounded professional. I don't know about other career paths, but in student affairs, there are SO MANY PRESCRIPTIONS as to the "right" path of professional development. "If you want to succeed," they say (I don't know who "they" are), "Get a mentor. Join a professional organization. Publish articles. Present at national conferences. Study abroad. Get internships. Switch assistantships. Don't switch assistantships. Make your resume fun. Make your resume professional." The list goes ON. Now, I'm not saying that this advice isn't valid or valuable; on the contrary, many (if not all) of these suggestions are highly valuable for new professionals to consider as ways to get one's name "out there," to start being recognized in our field, and to navigate the first few years of our professional lives.

However, the biggest challenge--what I'm challenging myself to do--is to remember that THERE IS NO ONE PATH TO SUCCESS. Each professional I EVER encounter will have found their own unique way to get to where they are, and I don't have to copy their footsteps to become as successful as they are. Of course, I should utilize these professionals as great sources of advice and encouragement as I navigate my own professional path, but I should never fear to strike out on my own, to forge my own path through that forest of professional development.

3. Read more.

This is something that I've never struggled with--reading is one of my favorite things to do. But every year, I should seek to expand my horizons, and ESPECIALLY considering this is my last year of in-the-classroom learning, I need to get used to the process of finding my own learning through reading.

Of course, this means reading more books related to my profession (as part of the above, making my own way). Then again, I don't want to get so bogged down in my career that it becomes my life; so part of this is to continue reading as MANY books in as MANY subjects as I can get my hands on. The classics, new bestsellers, biographies and autobiographies, histories, sci-fi, romance, mystery, ANYTHING--every book I read expands my world a little bit more and gives me an escape whenever I need it. I should ALWAYS strive to read more.

4. Love more.

There are so many opportunities, every day of life, to show love to the people around us. Each person we meet in this life is special and deserving of love, and when I'm in a serving profession like student affairs, I have the special opportunity of showing love and appreciation to students, colleagues, and others every. single. day. With that, I have to be intentional about showing love. This includes, but is not limited to:

-Empowering my students more, to help them realize they can do anything they set their sights on

-Appreciating my students more, to let them know that what they've accomplished is a job well done

-Continuing to build relationships with my cohort, to form strong bonds before we scatter to the four winds in the coming job search

-Supporting and serving as a resource for the incoming cohort, to let the first-years know they have a friend and listening ear whenever needed

-Forming a strong bond with my office staff, so we can serve as a united front and as a support network for each other if times get rough (which, in student activities, is more common than we'd like :))

-Reaching out more to my best friends from before graduate school, to maintain the relationships I already have, and to let them know that, even though I'm over 1,000 miles away, I still want to be there for them

-Being intentional with telling my family how much I love and appreciate them and their support through thick and through thin

-Being a positive and helpful person all-around, and trying to make at least one person smile each day

What are your new school year's resolutions?

How do you conference?

Good morning, all! As teased in my previous post, I really wanted to make a point to talk about a new concept in my life—that of the conference personality. I recently experienced my first professional conference alongside several fellow graduate students and new professionals, and I noticed pretty early on that each of us had a different way of experiencing the conference; each of our personalities and purposes for attending affected the way in which we interacted with the people and presentations around us.

This post will serve to talk about several of the different species of conference-goers I have identified, and I’d love to hear more varieties from you readers. How do YOU conference?

AWAY WE GO!

1. The Social Butterfly:

Ah, the Social Butterfly. We all know this conference attendee and have seen them in action. Brave and tireless, the Butterfly may or may not attend different presentations throughout the day, but by gosh, they are making EVERY MINUTE COUNT by making connections with the people around them. Once the sun goes down, it’s game over—the Social Butterfly has dinner plans, after-dinner plans, meet-ups, Alumni reunions, receptions, and after-reception receptions to attend. They go and go ‘til the wee hours of the morning, skip the earliest morning sessions to catch up on sleep, and are ready and raring to go get coffee with new and old friends by 11 a.m.

I attended NASPA with a couple of social butterflies, and let me tell you, I wish I had their stamina! Of course, the Butterfly makes a point to save up their energy for the networking they’re doing, but in a room full of people, the Butterfly refuses to know a stranger. For those of you that have taken StrengthsQuest, the Social Butterfly is often a “Woo”—Winning Others Over. By the end of the conference, the Butterfly has 50 new business cards, 100 new Twitter followers, and was the belle of the ball. Even if you’re not a butterfly, it’s great to have friends who are, because they can help you along in your networking if you’re a little leery of crowds (like I am!). All hail the Social Butterfly!

2. Interested and Intentional

The Interested and Intention (I&I) conference-goer is a sight to see. They set their sights on a high purpose for conference attendance: learning! The I&I purposefully selects each presentation to fit their interests and hopes to truly be engaged in the sessions. They go to at least 2 or 3 of the keynote speeches and take notes, listening and having an inner dialogue with the content. They are at the conference to truly make the most out of the information presented.

This is not to say that the I&I isn’t social! Oh no, quite the contrary. The I&I is intentional in their social time as well—they plan ahead for the conference, making contact with old friends to meet up and with colleagues for suggestions on who to meet with and what to talk about.

I attended NASPA with an I&I, and I was SO impressed by the manifold things that she got out of the conference. Not only did she intentionally select the sessions she attended to support the work she does, she also contacted old advisors to see if any of their former colleagues were attending NASPA, and if she could set up breakfast, lunch, or coffee dates with them. In doing so, she got the opportunity to sit down with a group of senior student affairs officers—Vice Presidents, Deans, etc.—and pick their brains for an hour or two. She made a point to be intentional about her conference experience, and it paid off. All hail the I&I!

3. The Grab Bag

Last but not least, a type of conference-goer I’d like to describe is what I’m calling “The Grab Bag.” The Grab Bag is exactly that—they attend conferences for a variety of purposes and a potpourri of experiences. Absolutely they’re at the conference for professional development! Absolutely they’d like to make time to meet up with old friends and colleagues! Absolutely they want to meet up with new acquaintances! Absolutely they want to explore the city in which the conference is held! For the Grab Bag, a conference is, in and of itself, a variety of meaningful and fun experiences, and the Grab Bag tries to make the most out of all of them.

I know this conference-goer well… it’s me! Especially because NASPA was the first professional conference I attended, I wanted to make sure to experience each part of the conference week to see what I liked best. Now that I’ve experienced all of them, I know that I want to KEEP doing that! I arrived in Philadelphia a few days early to sightsee; I made sure to attend presentations and keynotes that would most encourage my professional development; I set aside time to have one-on-one breakfast and lunch dates with old friends and new. And I am VERY satisfied with my conference experience.

A Word of Caution

No matter your conference type, Butterfly, I&I, Grab Bag, or Other, the true key to attending any conference is to Know. Your. Limits. Personally, I know I’m not a night person. Once 10:00 p.m. rolls around, my rapier wit and sparkling charm start fading fast, and I’ve known this for a while. So I made it a point to do all of my networking and spending time with friends during the day. Sure, it meant that I skipped a few rounds of concurrent sessions, but ultimately I made some great connections with other conference attendees, so it was all worth it. I knew that I couldn’t hang every night with my Social Butterfly friends who were awake ‘til 1 or 2 a.m., so I made a point to save up my energy ‘til the last night of the conference when I knew we’d be out for a while.

Know how easily you get tired, know how you deal with tiredness.

If you’re attending the conference with friends or colleagues, be mindful of their conference personality, their limits, and how they deal with stress.

Most of all, know what you want out of a day—to network, to learn, to sight-see, to have a happy medium of all of them. Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. Know your conference personality!

This list isn’t comprehensive, by any means, but it’s definitely a good start to what I know will be a LONG life of conference attendance and observations. I think I’m going to make it a point to try to identify sub-species of each of these types of conference-goers, and maybe find some new species along the way!

I Heard it Through the Grapevine: My First Professional Conference

Greetings, all! I realize that this post is a bit delayed (the conference in question having ended two weeks ago), but I have been on a MARATHON catch up mission over the past two weeks, and so (unfortunately) have not had time to blog. (More on the catching-up thing later.)ANYWAY, I would still like to say what I have to say about my first professional conference… so away we go!

Two weeks ago today, I had just completed my first stint at a national profession-specific conference. Within higher education and student affairs, we have two main all-encompassing professional organizations, ACPA and NASPA. I’m a member of NASPA, which stands for the National Association of Student Personnel Administrators, and we just had our big annual conference in the grand city of Philadelphia, PA.

Let me tell you, it was a GREAT experience. As the title suggests, attending NASPA was my first professional conference experience, and I went in with a LOT of expectations and rumors as to what it would be like… many of which differed from what the conference was ACTUALLY like. So this post is going to be dedicated to breaking down my time at NASPA, and what it’s like to be a professional at a professional conference. (Who’s grown up now? ME! Kind of.)

EXPECTATIONS… and ANTICIPATION

Through the grad student grapevine in my program, I had heard many different stories concerning professional conferences—how they run, how to balance your time when attending, how to meet people, etc. My program hosted a small-scale ethics conference in February, and from that experience I had a few expectations as well. Going into NASPA, here’s what I expected:

-I was going to be tired by the end. Really tired.

-It was going to be REALLY easy to meet people; so easy that it would be strange if I left the conference without several new acquaintances.

-I needed to be on my A-game. Professionals would be everywhere… professionals who could eventually give me a job in a year. And they would be watching. So I needed to be dressed for success, on my best behavior, and generally prepped for some major networking opportunities.

-I wasn’t really sure how the session aspect of NASPA would go (you know, the presentations. The actual professional development part of the whole conference thing). I didn’t get a chance to attend a presentation during the conference my program hosted, so I wasn’t sure how many I wanted to attend per day, whether or not I would need to take notes, etc.

Most of all, I wasn’t sure what to expect for a conference in Philadelphia. I had never been to Philly before, and my friends with whom I attended the conference and I had set aside a day and a half to explore the city. I also knew that our hotel was directly across the street from the Convention Center. But how would the flow of the city interact with the conference? Where would we eat lunch and dinner? Would the Philadelphians be okay with 5,000 student affairs professionals invading their space? How would we navigate the city? Would we brave public transportation? And—perhaps most importantly—where could I find a good Philly cheesesteak?!?

THE REALITY, or HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE NASPA

The actual NASPA experience, as I’ve told you, was GREAT. Not only was I able to meet some amazing fellow student affairs professionals, I also got a great big healthy dose of professional development, which has recently been lacking in my life.

To answer your most burning question, YES, PHILADELPHIA WAS AWESOME. It’s an amazing city, full of history and interesting people and places and funky facts and some of the best food I’ve eaten in a while. As I said, we took a few days to explore the city before NASPA started so that we could concentrate on the conference when it actually began, and I fell in love with the City of Brotherly Love. Here were my very favorite things about Philly:

1. Reading Terminal Market—located right next to the Philadelphia Convention Center, this railroad terminal-turned-market has THE BEST FOOD EVER, all in one convenient location. I could have eaten at Reading for every meal and had different food every time I went. It was inexpensive, too! I can’t sing Reading’s praises enough… especially the fresh-made cinnamon rolls. TO. DIE. FOR.

2. HISTORY! Listen, this could be a post in itself, so I’ll just remind you of the most important thing: Philadelphia is the cradle of American society. The Declaration of Independence and Constitution were both created and signed there. It was the home of many Founding Fathers AND Mothers, including Betsy Ross, one of my favorite historic figures. If you go, you must see: The Liberty Bell. Independence Hall. Basically ALL of Old City. The MASONIC TEMPLE (Freemasons are awesome). City Hall (and get a local to tell you about the Curse of William Penn!). Philly is a city chock-full of history, and I consider the things I experienced there an essential part of my conference experience.

3. The tourist stuff: Now, I know that most city locals HATE tourists, but I make it a point to do the things that touring companies recommend. After all, the sites wouldn’t be famous if there wasn’t something interesting about them, right? So, of course, for Philadelphia the tourist destinations include a lot of the historic things I mentioned above. But it also includes things like:The Love Statue in JFK Plaza. The Avenue of the Americas. The Philadelphia Musem of Art, including THE ROCKY STATUE (the museum is where Rocky runs up the steps. Did I run the steps? You bet your boots). CHEESESTEAK*. Chinatown. And more.

*I did the Geno’s vs. Pat’s challenge. I preferred Geno’s, but the final decision was split. But here’s the kicker—apparently most Philly natives prefer a more hole-in-the-wall cheesesteak place, not these two famous joints. Definitely go to Pat’s and Geno’s for the experience—and make sure you order correctly—but then make sure to take time to listen to the locals’ advice on where to get the best cheesesteak.

All of this leads up to one of the major lessons I learned: Experience the city where the conference is held. For me, being in our host city was half the fun of the conference. Next year, I’ll make sure to set aside time to explore Phoenix (NASPA 2012!), because seeing our host city through the eyes of its inhabitants made my conference experience that much more meaningful.

The second NASPA lesson I learned is one that I hadn’t expected to learn, but that helped me retain my sanity up through the end of the six days when I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to board the plane back to Atlanta: everyone has a Conference Personality, and knowing your CP is the key to getting the most out of your conference experience.

You see, I figured out that those expectations I had going into NASPA were given to me by a wide variety of people—fellow grads and professionals, and a little from my own personal experience—and, as such, didn’t necessarily all apply to me. To use the slang, the most important thing I took away from my conference experience was to do me. (You know, “you just do you, and I’mma do me”? No? Okay. Now you know.) I had to live NASPA my own way, not the way of the people I was with… and I could still get as much (if not more) out of the conference by doing that.

In the end, my conference experience came down to KNOWING MYSELF, which is my first piece of advice for the first-time conference go-er. Know your limitations, know your excitements, and know what you want to get out of the conference. Participate, don’t anticipate. And most importantly, make sure that you are taking part in the whole reason why professional conferences exist: professional development.

Continuing to grow as a professional in my field, in any field, is ESSENTIAL—without taking time to grow, how can I help the students I work with to do the same? And what an opportunity to professionally develop, alongside 5,000 fellow student affairs enthusiasts, all of whom I can learn something new from!

NASPA 2011 was unforgettable, and I can’t wait to experience my next professional conference.