Missing.

Can you miss someone you've never met?

Loss and grief have been on my mind recently, as I'm sure they've been on many people's, considering that the 10th anniversary of the September 11 tragedy is coming up tomorrow. I'll briefly share my "where I was" moment--it was the fall semester of my eighth grade year, and the first I heard of the attacks was in my American History class, taught by Mr. Benson. I was thirteen years old, and not quite mature enough to understand the scale of the tragedy that day. It honestly didn't hit me until I came home after school that afternoon to my mom, sitting in a chair, watching our television and crying as though her heart were breaking. That my mother could weep for so many strangers hit me much harder than anything I had seen on TV that day, and I realized that our world had changed.

Thankfully, I didn't know anyone who perished in the tragic events of that day, although one of my uncles was in New York City at the time, in Tower 7 of the World Trade Center, and we didn't hear about his safety for a day or two after the 11th. But each year after, I have done my best to take a few moments and reflect on the sadness that that day represents, in the loss of so many lives, but also the unity it brings in inspiring our nation to come together, and the hope it stirs in so many people cooperating and rebuilding a city and each other's lives.

As I've become older, stories about September 11th touch me more and more deeply, bringing the grief that I didn't feel as a teenager but can now better understand as a young woman. Again, thankfully, I haven't had much personal loss in my life as of yet; not many of my immediate family members or close friends have passed away. But reflecting on the events of September 11th bring to mind the losses that I have felt. A beloved uncle, Steve, passed away in 2003. An unquestionable goofball, a musical genius, a sweet and kind man, Uncle Steve was hard to lose, and I still think of him often, at unexpected moments. Further back, my mom's mother passed away when I was three, when I was too little to remember the grief, and her father passed away before I was born, even before my parents got married. I never got to know this set of grandparents, and yet I miss them. I love when my mom and aunts and uncles tell stories about them; they bring them to life as the brilliant characters they were. Both loved music; both were devoted to their church, their faith, and their family. A picture from the time they were engaged, taken in the early 1940s, captures youthful joy--Nanny's hair is perfectly coiffed and she wears a stunning dress; Granddaddy looks handsome in his Navy uniform (he served in the Pacific theater on a submarine during World War II), and they both smile and glow with love. I never got to meet these amazing people, and yet I miss them. It saddens me that I never got to truly know this special part of my family; yet I know that Nanny and Granddaddy both look down on me with love and pride. I do as best as I can to make them proud, and when I do something that I am proud of, I think of them, and I can almost see them smile and know that they're proud of me too.

Can you miss someone you've never met? I believe, undoubtedly. I feel the absence of those who are gone; I do my best to make them proud.

On this 10th anniversary of September 11th, I finally begin to miss those who perished that day. Accounts of the bravery of the passengers of Flight 93 and the firefighters and policemen and citizens of New York who pulled people from the Twin Towers and Pentagon bring me to tears, as do stories of those of us who are left behind to, simply, miss them. Their absence leaves a hole in our lives, a hole that doesn't stop aching through the years.

Even so, this ache becomes more bearable, because I believe the ache can be assuaged with making those who are gone proud. I try to make my Nanny, my Granddaddy, and my Uncle Steve proud every day; I believe that remembrance and the bravery to rebuild will make proud the memory of those who died 10 years ago tomorrow.

We must not be afraid to miss those who are gone, but we also must not be afraid to unite in our grief, to comfort each other through it, and to look for the dawning of another day and a bright future. The future is bright--New York City unites to remember the lost; the World Trade Center is being rebuilt as a beacon of hope; Americans have a common event that can unite our purposes and make us one out of many, E Pluribus Unum.

To those who are gone, we miss you. We love you. We will make you proud.

A New Year's Resolutions

The sun is shining bright; campus is already abuzz with residence hall move-in and our welcome week, Seminole Sensation Week; and here we are on the eve of another school year at Florida State. Tomorrow will mark another first day of school and my twentieth consecutive year of schooling, and, at least for a while, my last first day of school. That's right--twenty years of school has led to this, my last two semesters in the classroom (we're going to assume that they're the last for now because I have no immediate plans to get a Ph.D.), and in a little less than eight months, I'll be receiving my master's degree. WHOA.

You'd think after 19 years of school I'd have the process of being a student perfected, but you couldn't be more wrong. There are some things I've gotten down pat: I'm great at putting assignments in my planner and color-coding them so I know what's due when (thanks to my borderline OCD for that one), for example. But there are some habits--bad ones--that have only become more ingrained over the past 19 years. So I find myself, on the eve of each school year, making promises and resolutions to be a better me and, above all, a better student.

This year is a little bit different, though. I mean, I'm still swearing that I'm not going to procrastinate; I'm promising myself NO ALL-NIGHTERS TO WRITE A PAPER. Those resolutions might never change. But my resolutions and promises this year don't just relate to my in-the-classroom performance, but to my out-of-the-classroom performance as well. Like I said, in eight months I won't be a formal student anymore, and so this year, I've decided it's time to be intentional about resolving to be a better student both in and outside the classroom. More than that, I want to form habits this year that are going to benefit me as I get a "big kid job" (although I think that many of my colleagues in student affairs would argue that part of the fun of our profession is not having to be a "big kid" all the time :)). I want to practice the habits that are going to help me take care of myself and, ultimately, help me help my students take better care of themselves, so that when they make new-school year's-resolutions, I can support them and make their habits of excellence happen.

So, without any further ado whatsoever, here are my New School Year's Resolutions.

1. Cut back on procrastinating.

Seriously, this is a habit I've had since at least fourth or fifth grade. I vividly remember my parents trying to teach me to give myself incentives, so that when I finish an assignment, I can give myself a treat. Sorry, Mom and Dad, but that habit didn't take. I am a tried-and-true procrastinator, to my everlasting shame. Each year, I promise myself it won't happen, and for about a week I do just fine, but then I hear the call of Facebook... I just want to watch this one movie... The weather is so nice that I can't miss out on that beach trip... and before I know it, it's the night before my paper is due, and I'm chugging coffee and frantically searching Google Scholar to find my perfect 15 articles to cite for my 10-page paper. And at that moment, I always think, "Now Cassidy, if you didn't procrastinate, you wouldn't be stressed to the point of a nervous breakdown right now. Wouldn't that be NICE?"

Obviously, my previous approaches haven't worked, so this year, I'm going to try a different approach. I won't try to cut procrastination cold-turkey out of my life; that isn't happening. Instead, I'll applaud myself when I DO complete assignments and papers way ahead of time and perhaps treat myself to incentives (a new work blouse or skirt? going to see a movie? download a new song?). Then, when I "fall off the wagon" and make a mistake, as is inevitable, instead of getting angry with myself, I'll make a resolution to do better next time. Stay tuned for a progress report on this everlasting disability of mine.

2. Make my own way.

Professional development is hugely important in my chosen profession, student affairs, as I'm sure it's highly encouraged in other professions as well. We have organizations, Twitter accounts and hashtags, monthly and bi-monthly meetings, newsletters, even specially set-aside budgets, ALL for the purpose of continuing to develop ourselves professionally and to learn outside the classroom. Since I am soon to be a real professional, I want to start being very intentional with my own professional development, and to form the habits now, during my second year of grad school, that will help me when I get my "big kid" job.

However, there are pitfalls to avoid in this quest to become a well-developed, well-rounded professional. I don't know about other career paths, but in student affairs, there are SO MANY PRESCRIPTIONS as to the "right" path of professional development. "If you want to succeed," they say (I don't know who "they" are), "Get a mentor. Join a professional organization. Publish articles. Present at national conferences. Study abroad. Get internships. Switch assistantships. Don't switch assistantships. Make your resume fun. Make your resume professional." The list goes ON. Now, I'm not saying that this advice isn't valid or valuable; on the contrary, many (if not all) of these suggestions are highly valuable for new professionals to consider as ways to get one's name "out there," to start being recognized in our field, and to navigate the first few years of our professional lives.

However, the biggest challenge--what I'm challenging myself to do--is to remember that THERE IS NO ONE PATH TO SUCCESS. Each professional I EVER encounter will have found their own unique way to get to where they are, and I don't have to copy their footsteps to become as successful as they are. Of course, I should utilize these professionals as great sources of advice and encouragement as I navigate my own professional path, but I should never fear to strike out on my own, to forge my own path through that forest of professional development.

3. Read more.

This is something that I've never struggled with--reading is one of my favorite things to do. But every year, I should seek to expand my horizons, and ESPECIALLY considering this is my last year of in-the-classroom learning, I need to get used to the process of finding my own learning through reading.

Of course, this means reading more books related to my profession (as part of the above, making my own way). Then again, I don't want to get so bogged down in my career that it becomes my life; so part of this is to continue reading as MANY books in as MANY subjects as I can get my hands on. The classics, new bestsellers, biographies and autobiographies, histories, sci-fi, romance, mystery, ANYTHING--every book I read expands my world a little bit more and gives me an escape whenever I need it. I should ALWAYS strive to read more.

4. Love more.

There are so many opportunities, every day of life, to show love to the people around us. Each person we meet in this life is special and deserving of love, and when I'm in a serving profession like student affairs, I have the special opportunity of showing love and appreciation to students, colleagues, and others every. single. day. With that, I have to be intentional about showing love. This includes, but is not limited to:

-Empowering my students more, to help them realize they can do anything they set their sights on

-Appreciating my students more, to let them know that what they've accomplished is a job well done

-Continuing to build relationships with my cohort, to form strong bonds before we scatter to the four winds in the coming job search

-Supporting and serving as a resource for the incoming cohort, to let the first-years know they have a friend and listening ear whenever needed

-Forming a strong bond with my office staff, so we can serve as a united front and as a support network for each other if times get rough (which, in student activities, is more common than we'd like :))

-Reaching out more to my best friends from before graduate school, to maintain the relationships I already have, and to let them know that, even though I'm over 1,000 miles away, I still want to be there for them

-Being intentional with telling my family how much I love and appreciate them and their support through thick and through thin

-Being a positive and helpful person all-around, and trying to make at least one person smile each day

What are your new school year's resolutions?

Through the storms of life, we never walk alone

Readers,

I am a deeply spiritual person, and identify as a Christian. My faith is an important part of my life, and I rely on it to help me better love every single person around me.

Today, in my church, the Gospel reading was from Matthew, and it related the story of Jesus walking on water. For those of you who have grown up in a Christian church, this story will be familiar. For those of you who haven't grown up in a Christian church, let me give you a brief background. The context of this story takes place during Jesus's ministry, the time when He traveled all over Israel preaching the Gospel, the Good News, with His disciples.

In this story, Jesus leaves the disciples to go pray, and they're on a ship in the middle of the Sea of Galilee. A storm hits at night, and the disciples are scared. Jesus begins to walk across the water to them (one of His most famous Biblical miracles), and when they see Him, they become afraid, thinking He's a ghost. He assures them it is He, and Peter, one of Jesus' disciples, says, "Jesus, if it's you, call me to come to you across the water." Jesus calls Peter, and Peter gets out of the boat, and, miraculously, begins to walk across the water to Jesus. However, the storm is fierce, and Peter becomes afraid, and begins to sink. Jesus holds out His hand to Peter and saves him, and says, "Oh, you of little faith."

Throughout the different churches I've attended, and Bible studies I've participated in, I've heard a lot of discussions of this passage before; many of them talk about having the courage of Peter to GET OUT OF THE BOAT, a metaphor for having the courage to trust God and walk out into the storms of life, knowing that God is going to help us walk "across the water" and weather the storm. That's a huge challenge for me and for a lot of Christians--when times are bad, we want to rely solely on ourselves, to just stay in one spot on our little "boat," to be scared, and not let ourselves be thrown into (and changed by) the storm around us.

However, what happens when we DO choose to make the step out of the boat? I find a lot of Christians struggle with this, too, especially ME. Going to grad school was a huge step out of my "boat"--I felt called to enter the profession of student affairs, and it was a huge, trusting leap to make this move to Florida and to come to a new school, but I did it. But, now I'm here, in the middle of a sea, and the storms of life rage around me, and I question WHY I got out of my boat in the first place!

With grad school, and with many other situations in my life, it's not the step out of the boat that scares me the most, it's the walk through the storm to get to Jesus. The whole time, Jesus is saying, "Come to me. Trust me. Through me, you can do this. You can walk on this water. Trust me." And oftentimes, we take those first steps out of the boat, and we're exhilarated. "Yes, God!" we exult. "You are helping me! I'm trusting you! I'm walking on water, thank You so much!"

But then, what happens next? We lose sight of God... and the storm gets louder. We forget who gave us the ability to walk on the water in the first place, and we lose our focus on the reason WHY we're walking on water, and just start to focus on the water itself. Suddenly, everything is overwhelming. We're all alone, in the middle of a raging, storming sea. It's dark outside, it's cold, it's wet, and we got in over our heads. Who were we to think we could walk on water all by ourselves? We were CRAZY!

And thus, we start to sink. We lose sight of the One who called us out of the boat in the first place, we let the storm and sound and sea distract us, and we sink. We get down on ourselves, we're lonely, and we're SCARED.

And yet, we forgot that we WEREN'T alone on that sea.

Someone called us out there to walk with Him.

And all of a sudden, there He is. There's His hand. Grab it, it's held out to you, to me, to all of us.

Suddenly, the sea isn't so scary. The night isn't so dark. The whole time, we could have walked on the surface of the sea and been safe in the storm, if only we hadn't lost sight of the One who invited us into the storm in the first place.

And He saves us. He pulls us up from the depths. He comforts us, and, with the Love of a Father, He gently chides us. "Oh, you of little faith," He says. "How could you forget that I was here the whole time?"

In the storms of our lives, in the daily stresses and troubles and worries and pains, it's easy to lose sight of God. Although He calls us into living our lives fully in the first place, once we're in the midst of things, we look away. We think, "Hey, this isn't so bad. Look at me! I'm surviving! I'm walking on water! I've got this!"

And then, all of a sudden, things get worse. The stress gets overwhelming, the troubles mount, and the world gets dark and cold and lonely. We have lost sight of our Helper, and so we start to lose faith. We start to sink into self-pity, into doubt, and into fear. We feel like nothing can save us from the predicament we're in.

And yet, if we look up, there it is. There's His hand. God has been waiting, patiently, the whole time. Through the storm, He's been standing right there, calling us to Him. We lost sight of Him for a while, but that doesn't mean He left us. He's standing right there, waiting for us to call on Him again. He saves us from the storm; He lessens our stress and relieves our doubts and fears, and shows us that, through Him, anything is possible. He gently chides us, those of little faith, and reminds us that He'll ALWAYS be there. He's the one who wanted us to experience the storm in the first place, but He wants us to experience the storm with our sights on Him, holding His hand. Only then can we walk on water.

My friends, whether or not we share a spirituality or a faith, I pray that you NEVER feel alone in the storm. Help is always there, waiting for you to call out for it. Yes, we have to get out of the boat in the first place to experience life's storms, but we also have to be willing to call for help along the way, to remember that opportunities for help never abandon us. A source of help is always right there, waiting to stretch out a hand. Take it!

Snapshots of Life

Do you ever have times in your life where you stop and think, “This is a moment, one to capture and remember”? Well, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, because this weekend was full of moments for me, moments that seemed like a still from a movie or a paragraph from a novel, and yet they were real and fun and will never be forgotten!

Because these moments are like photographs, captured in a freeze frame, that’s how I’m going to share them with you; as still-life scenes. But, to give you a little bit of background, this past weekend I went down to what we in the South call “Nawlins”—the Crescent City, New Orleans! I visited a friend from A&M, David, and experienced all the city has to offer. And if you’ve ever heard any stories, read any books, or seen any movies about New Orleans, then you’ll know exactly why these moments are so special—they capture the quintessential city; the joy of jazz and blues and live music and Creole culture and a city that does sleep, but only in the daytime. (No wonder vampire legends have come out of NOLA—everyone sleeps all day and stays out all night!)

So without further ado, join me on my trip to and through Nawlins.

In the early evening on Friday I finally exited the main thoroughfare of I-10 (which up until that point had been pine trees, pine trees, and more pine trees, as anyone who has driven I-10 through Florida, Alabama, and Mississippi could tell you) and headed South. All of a sudden, I came across a giant expanse of water, Lake Ponchartrain, and knew I was getting close. My GPS showed me driving over islands among the lake, all interconnected by the Interstate. Finally, as I drove up and over more of the bridge, I saw the Crescent City laid out in front of me, sprawling by the shores of the Mississippi. I was hot (even through the air conditioning of my car), I was tired from driving 6 hours, but all of a sudden I got a race of adrenaline—I made it to New Orleans.

David lives near the Tulane campus, in and around the area called “Uptown,” where the houses are eclectic (but all seem to have wrought iron SOMEWHERE on them) and the streets are shaded by giant oak trees and blooming crepe myrtles. At one point my first evening there, we took the streetcar (no, it wasn’t named Desire) down St. Charles Avenue, watched all the mansions go by, and laughed about the Mardi Gras beads hung EVERYWHERE—over the streetcar wires, all over telephone poles, and even in the stately old oak trees. It’s Mardi Gras year-round in NOLA!

A lot of our trip became about the phrase “When in Rome,” which we amended to “When in NOLA.” First things first when I got to NOLA, I needed Cajun food, and I needed to see the French Quarter, ASAP. We drove to the riverfront and parked near the Jax Brewery, and then we began walking through the French Quarter, where, all of a sudden, I had my first encounter with Bourbon Street. I won’t go into detail about a lot of the things I saw as we walked along, but my impression was of crowds of joyful people, lots of smells (good and bad), and neon everywhere. To sum up, I can truly say that the people-watching along Bourbon is the best in the world, hands-down. We ate dinner at Felix’s Oysterhouse, where I had the best crawfish etouffee I’ve ever had, and then we went back to Bourbon to grab a drink. Soon David’s roommate and a mutual friend met us out for the night, and we enjoyed the live music (not only did we request some songs from the Tropical Isle Bar’s in-house band, we also got to experience Pat O’Brien’s dueling pianos!) and, again, the best people watching in the whole world.

Saturday was the day to truly experience the Quarter. We began with lunch on Bourbon Street, of course, and people-watched our way through some delicious cheesesteak. We walked through the French Market and looked at all the wares for sale. Seriously, everything exists there, from fresh seafood to Cajun spices to Venetian masks to Mardi Gras beads—anything you could think of to make your stay in “Nawlins” more enjoyable. We walked along the Mighty Mississippi riverfront and watched the steamboats go by, and then made the stop I was waiting for—Café du Monde.

Café du Monde was one of the most perfect moments during my time in NOLA. The Café is New Orleans’s premiere beignet shop. If you don’t know what a beignet is, it’s hard to describe except that it’s HEAVEN. But really, it’s a French pastry (a little larger than a donut hole and with an almost cake-like consistency) that’s topped with mounds of powdered sugar. Like I said, Heaven. Café du Monde is also famous for its café au lait, which I got frozen (because of the extreme heat—and I complain about Tallahassee’s humidity; NOLA was a million times worse). Café du Monde was one of my quintessential New Orleans moments, made even better by the street band serenading everyone, who started to play—bet you can’t guess—“When the Saints Go Marching In.” It was like something out of a story! (Or out of “The Princess and the Frog.”)

After the Café we walked across the street to Jackson Square, home of some of the best street artists in the world, a gaggle of fortune tellers and entertainers, and the beautiful St. Louis Cathedral, where we enjoyed the quiet serenity of an old church (and its air conditioning!). After that we braved a voodoo shop or two (you can’t go to New Orleans, ESPECIALLY the quarter, without at least exploring one of these shops. But don’t touch ANYTHING, just in case!).

On Sunday, after a typical Nawlins summer rainstorm, David and I decided to be real tourists and went to the Audubon Zoo! The ticket booth worker warned us that the animals might be hidden in their habitats because of the rain storm, but we decided to go anyway, and I’m glad we did. We saw lions, elephants, bears, a jaguar, giraffes, zebras, alligators (lurking in the “Louisiana Swamp” exhibit; very creepy), and even had a close encounter with a peacock just walking around the zoo! It was fun to be in a different part of the City, one much more family-oriented than Bourbon Street (you’d be surprised how many kids there were walking around the Quarter—NOLA isn’t exactly my idea of a family vacation!).

That evening, we met up with a mutual friend of ours, Kristina, and her family, who were all in the Crescent City for the Fourth of July. We went out to a lovely dinner in the Quarter, and then David, Kristina, and I went to Bourbon Street to grab a drink, listen to some live music, and catch up. That evening had more movie-moments, especially when everyone in the street—and I mean at least 50 people in the middle of Bourbon—broke into the Wobble.

Going to Nawlins really was like watching a movie, or reading a story. There were the tappers, the street musicians, and the artists, all trying to express themselves and earn a buck or two; there were the neon lights and lampposts of Bourbon Street; there were the wrought iron balconies and overflowing flower boxes of the French Quarter; there was delicious food and irresistible music and people just wanting to let go, have fun, and let the good times roll.

While on this trip, I was reminded of a few things. First, that I love exploring new places, especially ones with history. It was amazing to turn a corner and to see a building that had stood for 300 years (and especially the ones that made it safely through Hurricane Katrina!). Another thing I realized, less about myself and more about the world, is that friends really can make a journey special. It was wonderful to spend some quality time with my friend David, who I hadn’t spent more than an hour with since I graduated from A&M, and it was great to catch up with our friend Kristina as well, and to all experience the city together. Although I would enjoy traveling by myself, it was also nice to be able to rely on friends, especially David, who has lived in the city for about a month and has picked up on how a lot of things work in the City.

I’m especially thankful for my journey because, after such a full and busy weekend, my homecoming to quiet Tallahassee was especially sweet. I met up with fellow Florida State employees to cook out and watch the fireworks for the Fourth of July. We played tailgate games and sang patriotic songs and “ooh”ed and “aah”ed with the best of them. Coming back to Tallahassee felt right and restful, and sleeping in my own bed was just beautiful. Even though I went to a new and exotic town, another sweet memory and snapshot was waiting for me right at home.

It Keeps You Runnin'

Good morning, readers! Another summer day is upon us, but with prospects of a LONG and HAPPY Fourth of July weekend ahead, this week is just flying by.

To tell the truth, this SUMMER is flying by. With Florida State's Orientation officially over (hooray!), my year with the Student Alumni Association is officially over, and my feelings are definitely bittersweet. I learned so much in that assistantship, and am thankful for the relationships I built and the skills I gained. Even though I'll miss it at times, I have so much to look forward to--I have started an internship with the Career Center here at FSU, working with the Garnet and Gold Scholar Society, and then the second week of August I begin a NEW assistantship for my second year in grad school with the Student Activities Center!

In the meantime, I'm also taking time for me and looking forward to some personal things; namely, at the end of July, I'll be attending (as a bridesmaid :)) the wonderful wedding of my college roommate/best friend, Sarah, and her fiance/my friend Chris. This wedding will not only be a time to celebrate their relationship and bright future together, but it's also the ONLY time I'll be returning to Texas this summer and an opportunity to be reunited with some of my best friends from undergrad!

Like I said, I'm a bridesmaid for this wedding (my first time as an attendant! I'm pumped!), and I know there will be LOTS of pictures taken, so needless to say, I'm being completely shallow and decided that I want to make sure I grace the pictures with the greatest of photogenic ease. On top of that, I've been feeling like a lazy bum lately, and so this weekend I decided that the time had come for me to bring working out (running, mostly) back into my life. Ever since I improved my lifestyle and learned to be healthier last summer, I've noticed a change in the way I feel physically AND emotionally. I liked the way I looked, I liked the way I felt, and I liked the way I felt about how I looked (does that make sense? It does to me).

This spring semester was challenging, and unfortunately, part of that challenge was me LOSING aspects of my self-care such as exercising, and just plain feeling lousy. But luckily, with the motivation of this wedding looming ahead, and the unexpected partnership and participation of my cohort buddy Jason, it's time to get back into shape!

This past Sunday, Jason and I were discussing how we missed working out and how we wished we could find the motivation to do it. All of a sudden, we realized--what if we ran TOGETHER? We'd not only have a buddy to keep us motivated, we'd also have someone to keep us accountable and to kick each other's butt when we needed it. So Monday evening we embarked upon our first run, and I think our routine is going to be a resounding success. We run on a track, and so we warm up with 2 laps (half a mile), run one mile straight through (4 laps), and then cool down with 2 more laps, bringing it to 2 miles total.

I know that all the fitness experts say you're supposed to work out with a buddy, but really, listen to them. When my legs want to quit towards the end of our third lap, seeing Jason keeping pace out of the corner of my eye helps me round the next corner and keep moving. Our goal is to eventually be able to run 3 miles straight through by the time school starts, and I think we can do it. We have each other to keep motivated, and to compliment each other when we notice how in-shape we feel :)

So look out, world! I'm back in the running business, and I'm coming to get you. Granted, my legs feel like jello first thing when I wake up in the morning, but I can already tell a difference in my mood (endorphins are the BEST) and how well I'm sleeping (although my mom has always said I could sleep through a tornado, so I don't know how different that is). Soon to follow: world domination. And by the world, I mean Jason's and my little corner of the track. But I think that's enough to start with!

"Squeezing the Sponge"

Good morning! And a good Wednesday morning it is, although rather hot and humid here in Tallahassee ( I should expect nothing less by now!).

Summer has come as usual with its hot days, weekends by the pool, grilling cookouts, and baseball games in the dusk (I. Love. Summer.), but this particular summer has also afforded me with one of the most full work schedules I've ever had. Currently, Florida State is in the midst of its Orientation for the Class of 2015, and as the graduate assistant for the Student Alumni Association, one of the largest student organizations on campus, summer Orientation is our prime membership recruitment time. So for the past four weeks and the next two, I'm outside with my students in the afternoon, advertising SAA and asking passers-by to take a picture with our cutouts of the Garnet and Gold Glitter Guys, and then in the evenings I am helping welcome parents to FSU by hosting receptions out at our Alumni Association. So from 1pm to 10pm (with a break for dinner), I'm on the go, in the heat, working and working and working some more.

This work is enjoyable, for SURE. It's amazing to be reminded of the zeal of the incoming freshmen and other students who are so excited and apprehensive to begin their college careers (and strange to realize it's been five years since I was doing the same thing!). I love helping answer parents' questions and helping them navigate the confusing world that is being a parent of a college student. Most of all, I love the additional time with my students over the summer, when we can relax a lot of the rigidity that the school year holds, develop stronger relationships as friends and as GA to students, and enjoy publicizing our organization to new students.

However, this busy summer schedule also holds a deep challenge for me, one that I must work very hard to overcome every day. You see, my number one StrengthsQuest strength is Empathy, or the ability to be able to see others' perspectives and really put myself in their shoes. This strength has been SUCH a blessing over the years, as it has enabled me to work better in group settings, to get to know new friends and colleagues, and to serve as a mediator between friends and in the workplace. Even so, those of you who are familiar with StrengthsQuest also know that all strengths have a "shadow side," or a challenging side to them. Even if you aren't familiar with StrengthsQuest, you have probably realized that some of your greatest personality and work strengths can double as your greatest challenges as well (for example, motivation can turn into pushing others; friendliness can turn into people-pleasing; adaptation can turn into indecisiveness). For me, empathy holds a great danger: compassion fatigue.

As I said, my Empathy enables me to put myself wholly in others' shoes; to really understand how they think and how that affects their actions, and then to convey that to others. However, as I pour myself into others (and let them pour themselves into me), I become a combination lighting rod and sponge for emotion. That's the danger in empathy--with understanding of others comes, well, an empathy for how they feel; a true knowledge of what's in their mind and heart. And while I love being able to convey emotion to others and enable understanding, soaking up emotions all day gets--as you can imagine--EXHAUSTING. When I get home, although I've enjoyed my day, my mind (my sponge, if you will) is FULL of others' happinesses, joys, sadnesses, anxieties, stresses, and every other emotion they exude throughout the day.

Don't get me wrong; I love having the strength of empathy. Many times, this skill has enabled me to build bridges where none existed and to strengthen relationships, both professional and personal. It's given me insight into people that I thought I could never understand, and a true compassion for every human being around me. However, as I said, the danger in compassion is what many in this profession have encountered--compassion fatigue, the danger of being so full of others' emotions that you become numb and feel no longer. Many days, my sponge gets full, and I'm "plumb tuckered out."

So how do I combat this fatigue? I take part in what Dr. Adrienne Frame, Director of Housing here at FSU, calls "squeezing the sponge." When my brain, my heart--my "sponge"--gets too full, I have to take time for myself, to "wring it out," to process and think (or sometimes not think at all!), and to come back to work and life the next day renewed and ready for more interactions, sponge empty and ready for more.

Recently, this "sponge-squeezing time" has taken the form of me becoming a SERIOUS homebody. It's not that I don't enjoy hanging out with my friends; I most definitely do! But on weekends, when I FINALLY have time to spend on myself, I like to be by myself. Whether that takes the form of reading a book, or catching up with my favorite television shows, or watching movies, or SLEEPING, I enjoy "me-time" to focus on myself and to engage in that self-care that is oh so important in life.

And you know what? I refuse to feel guilty for taking care of myself. Everyone needs sponge-squeezing time, and the most important thing is to know WHEN you need it and to know HOW you can do it.

So think about it. How do you squeeze your sponge? What refreshes you and renews you for a new day? And how do you encourage those around you to take their own time to renew themselves?

Until next time, readers, I hope your summer days are bright and your summer nights are cool (oh, those summer nights.). :)

I'm moving on up!

Good morning, faithful readers!

So, as you can tell, I've done a little changing up, and my blog is now brand-spanking-new in hosted website, format, and title. Here are some reasons for the changes:

1. Website: Although I admire Tumblr very much as a site and will still maintain my account there, the purpose of the site is geared much more towards microblogging, and since my posts are generally pretty reflective and not-so-micro, I figured it would be best for my site to reflect the purpose of my blog. So here I am, on the ever-faithful Blogger (sponsored by my homeboys, Google)!

2. Format: You'll notice a new design on my page. I LOVE reading (post to come about that!), and books and reading and writing make up a significant portion of the passions of my life, so why not have books as my background? Additionally, you'll notice a handy-dandy little side bar that shows you my Twitter feed updates. Twitter has become a huge part of my life, personally and professionally, and so I'd like to connect my online identities, blogging and tweeting. Which leads me to my next point...

3. Title: One of my biggest goals with this blog switch is to be a lot more intentional with my writing and my online identity in general. The #sachat community on Twitter (see the Twitter post to come for more info) talks a lot about personal branding, and I want my brand to more accurately reflect me! So with that, I'm moving the focus of my blog from my growing up process (because, let's be real, I'll be growing up for the rest of my life) to my constant search for meaning in everything. Writing is a huge part of my life and a huge catharsis for me, and it helps me think more about why I do what I do and make plans to be more intentional with everything that I do. So with that, I borrow some words from the band Jack's Mannequin for the blog title (the song is called "I'm Ready," and it's a goodie), and some even more brilliant words from one of my favorite poets, William Wordsworth for the description--I want to fill my paper (or your computer screen) with the breathings of my heart. I seek to be genuine in everything I do, and that includes this blog!

However, don't let all this "intentionality" and "genuineness" talk scare you away... I'm just trying to be more authentically ME! (Although if I scare you, you probably shouldn't be reading my blog anyway, huh?)

With that, it's time to go on with my day, but look for another new update soon. :)