Now, though, we get into the hard part. Confession #2: I HATE making goals for myself. I love the idea of setting goals--it's something to work toward! Something to focus on! Something to achieve! But in practice, I set this big ol' goal... and then I get scared. I get scared that I'm focusing on the wrong thing. I worry that I will not achieve the goal in the best way, or in a timely manner. I worry that I will let myself and others down in trying to achieve the goal and failing.
A perfect example for you--this year, I want to focus on simplicity as my #OneWord2014. During my day off yesterday, I started to make some goals surrounding simplicity, plans for how to make my life easier, more straightforward, and better this year. One of these aforementioned goals is to have a better handle on my finances, especially my student loan debt, and to have a mental picture of what I'm responsible for as well as for how long I'll be responsible. So I get onto some federal student loan websites... and immediately start panicking. This is all incomprehensible. Why do they not explain this stuff to you when you sign up? Is there a human being on this planet who can intelligibly explain this nonsense to me? WHAT IF I'M SADDLED WITH THESE LOANS FOREVER?!? (If you've ever tried to grasp the concept of loan consolidation by yourself, you can probably empathize with these sentiments.)
Here I am, wanting to make my life more simple, easier... and my goal-setting methods (you know, normal things like "research" and "action steps") are only making me more confused, feel more stupid, and feel more irresponsible than I did when I began. And then I get discouraged... what's the good of setting goals if they're just going to terrify me, and set me up for more worry and more stress than I had previously? This process is extraordinarily self-defeating and disheartening for me.
I wanted to blog about this because I'm guessing I'm not alone in my detestation for this process. It's easy to feel discouraged and disheartened when a big journey or big task is ahead. So how do I overcome this fear, this stress, this overwhelmed feeling when I have tasks ahead of me?
To be honest, that's part of what this year of simplicity is about--trying to ease the feeling of drowning, and get to the problem at its core. For me, then, the solution is multifaceted, and will need to be practiced and discussed over the coming year, and I plan to find accountability partners who will help me with the process. Here's my plan to lessen the worry and to ease the fear in 2014:
1. Pray more. Faith, as I've mentioned, is a BIG part of my life, and a big lesson that I've been learning recently is that I take a lot on myself and entrust very little to God. However, a huge part of maturing in the Christian faith is learning how to let go of the little things, and to let God sweat the small stuff. If my faith tells me that "In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" (Rom. 8:28), then it's my job to practice believing and acting on that. To overcome the fear, I want my mantra to be what the wonderful Sarah Young said in her devotional, Jesus Calling: "Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without [God]." If God is there, and I believe He will be, then there will be no need for worry. All I can do is offer my fear and worries up in prayer, and then let. them. go.
2. Ask for help. At times, I'm really good at asking for help. For example, when I had my mini-panic about my student loans, one of the first things I did was call my parents. They may not have a lot of concrete information about how the whole loan consolidation thing works, but they are calm and cool-headed in times when I am not, and they often help me think of small action steps that I can take to surmount big problems. Not only that, but they are sympathetic listeners, and eager to help me attack my problems. Seeking others' advice is something I need to practice more in other aspects of my life. I need to be more honest when I am feeling overwhelmed, and to seek others' perspectives and advice when I have a problem or when I feel confused or anxious. That's what family and community are for, after all--to support each other. I hope and expect that my friends and family can bring their problems to me for a sympathetic ear and good ol' strategic thinking session; I should reciprocate instead of trying to handle all my problems on my own (balancing, of course, actually asking for help vs. constantly complaining about life's hardships).
3. One small step. This is something I counsel the students I work with on often, but in all honesty find it hard to practice myself--small action steps. Whenever I set a goal, I get so lost in how big the overall goal is that I often get intimidated and turn away. A thousand miles is a LONG way to walk (and no, I'm not getting all Proclaimers or Vanessa Carlton on you right now). But, to cite that oft-used metaphor: a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. What is the one, small, easy, simple thing that I can do right now to start toward my goal?
Hopefully, by practicing--and repeating--Steps 1-3 above, I can work toward lessening the worry and anxiety I often feel over the coming year. I want life to be simple and full of joy, not stressful and scary (as it often already is on its own).
What are some methods that you use to overcome anxiety and worry in your life? How are you planning to be less stressed in 2014?
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