As a part of my One Word 2015, Gratitude, I'm trying to take some time to recount and reflect on lessons I'm learning about gratitude.
Today's post is going to be short, but it needs to be written.
It's mid-winter now. Although daylight is finally getting longer again, the cold weather just won't let up, and the odds are that days are cloudy instead of sunny. Life, too, is often "cloudy" and challenging this time of year. Not only are my work and professional commitments abuzz with the turn of the year, this is just one of those times that everything seems to be converging on me all at once.
Some of it is good - new responsibilities at work, the beginning of the graduate student hiring season - and some of it is not so good.
There are times in life when skies are gray, proverbially and literally. What I'm learning to be grateful for are the people around me who manage to bring the sun out whenever they're around. Loved ones who I talk to on the phone or via text or G-chat; coworkers who know exactly what joke or story to tell; students who pop in to tell me enthusiastically about their new program idea or just to say "hi."
These are the bright rays of sunshine that brighten up my cloudy days, and for these moments, I'm awfully thankful.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Monday, January 5, 2015
Gratitude Lesson #1: When your car doors freeze
I knew that when I chose a word like "gratitude" for my 2015 One Word resolution, I would be challenged. All new year's resolutions get challenged eventually, we know this to be fact (that's why we tend to break them!). And with how near and dear this word is to my heart for this year, I figured there were going to be some tough moments over the next 360 days.
And yet, somehow, I didn't expect to be tested before I even got to work today, my first day back for the new year. But there I was. It was 9:30 a.m. this morning, a Monday. It was approximately 21* Fahrenheit outside, and all four doors on my car were frozen shut.
I have to pause the story here to say, I drive a 1999 Honda CR-V. She is a beautiful and special car named Lady Luck, and because she is a bit of a senior citizen, her locks have been known to freeze a time or two before. It's cold in Indiana. It snows occasionally. I do not panic. Normally, my plan of attack is thus:
1. Open the back hatch of my car.
2. Climb into the very back luggage area of my car and then clamber over the backseat and thence into the driver's seat.
3. Pray no one thinks I'm breaking into a random stranger's car to steal it.
4. Start the car, turn the heat on full blast.
5. Play with the (manual) locks a few times, hoping they budge.
6. When they don't, exit the car the same way (while repeating step 3) and go inside to finish getting ready for the day.
7. When I'm ready to depart, climb back in through the very back hatch (again, step 3 is key here) and try the locks again.
At this point, normally one of my backseat passenger doors has unfrozen, so I can close the back hatch and climb in through the back passenger door like a (more) normal person, and then wend my way to campus. Once I've made it to campus, the front driver or passenger door has usually thawed, so I can go about my day as usual.
Today, Lady Luck was just. not. having. it.
I waited for a solid 20 minutes while the heat blasted, while I prayed and jiggled the locks and kicked the doors and wiggled the handles and... nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. The clock ticked closer to 9:30 a.m., and I had to face facts - those doors were not. going. to. open.
Twelve hours later, this story is pretty funny. Heck, an hour after it happened this story was funny. But in the moment, I wanted to weep. I wanted to give up, call somebody, pull out a hair dryer and an extension cord (don't think I didn't think about it, I sure did), go to town on my poor mostly-reliable-but-sometimes-decrepit car.
Instead, I paused. I took a deep, frigid breath. I said to myself, "Gratitude." I sent up a little prayer of thankfulness. And I climbed back in my car, turned it off, climbed back out (yep, got my workout in for the day), closed the back hatch, and decided to take the bus.
And you know what? I noticed the sun shining, and how markedly different (friendly, even) frigid winter days seem when the sun shines. I noticed the birds singing, and how particularly beautiful they sounded over the quiet morning air. I pulled up the IU Mobile app, and was infinitely thankful for the genius who came up with live bus tracking. I walked 200 feet from my front door to a bus stop that is free for me to use as an IU employee and whose bus routes spread all throughout campus and town. And when I caught the bus 5 minutes later (a little chilled, I'll admit) I rode in a warm vehicle just 20 minutes right to the front door of the building where I work.
And when I got home this evening (driven by my wonderful grad student), my front driver's side door unlocked and opened up right away.
I guess at the end of it all, I have a lot to be grateful for.
I wonder how I'll exercise my gratitude tomorrow?
And yet, somehow, I didn't expect to be tested before I even got to work today, my first day back for the new year. But there I was. It was 9:30 a.m. this morning, a Monday. It was approximately 21* Fahrenheit outside, and all four doors on my car were frozen shut.
I have to pause the story here to say, I drive a 1999 Honda CR-V. She is a beautiful and special car named Lady Luck, and because she is a bit of a senior citizen, her locks have been known to freeze a time or two before. It's cold in Indiana. It snows occasionally. I do not panic. Normally, my plan of attack is thus:
1. Open the back hatch of my car.
2. Climb into the very back luggage area of my car and then clamber over the backseat and thence into the driver's seat.
3. Pray no one thinks I'm breaking into a random stranger's car to steal it.
4. Start the car, turn the heat on full blast.
5. Play with the (manual) locks a few times, hoping they budge.
6. When they don't, exit the car the same way (while repeating step 3) and go inside to finish getting ready for the day.
7. When I'm ready to depart, climb back in through the very back hatch (again, step 3 is key here) and try the locks again.
At this point, normally one of my backseat passenger doors has unfrozen, so I can close the back hatch and climb in through the back passenger door like a (more) normal person, and then wend my way to campus. Once I've made it to campus, the front driver or passenger door has usually thawed, so I can go about my day as usual.
Today, Lady Luck was just. not. having. it.
I waited for a solid 20 minutes while the heat blasted, while I prayed and jiggled the locks and kicked the doors and wiggled the handles and... nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. The clock ticked closer to 9:30 a.m., and I had to face facts - those doors were not. going. to. open.
Twelve hours later, this story is pretty funny. Heck, an hour after it happened this story was funny. But in the moment, I wanted to weep. I wanted to give up, call somebody, pull out a hair dryer and an extension cord (don't think I didn't think about it, I sure did), go to town on my poor mostly-reliable-but-sometimes-decrepit car.
Instead, I paused. I took a deep, frigid breath. I said to myself, "Gratitude." I sent up a little prayer of thankfulness. And I climbed back in my car, turned it off, climbed back out (yep, got my workout in for the day), closed the back hatch, and decided to take the bus.
And you know what? I noticed the sun shining, and how markedly different (friendly, even) frigid winter days seem when the sun shines. I noticed the birds singing, and how particularly beautiful they sounded over the quiet morning air. I pulled up the IU Mobile app, and was infinitely thankful for the genius who came up with live bus tracking. I walked 200 feet from my front door to a bus stop that is free for me to use as an IU employee and whose bus routes spread all throughout campus and town. And when I caught the bus 5 minutes later (a little chilled, I'll admit) I rode in a warm vehicle just 20 minutes right to the front door of the building where I work.
And when I got home this evening (driven by my wonderful grad student), my front driver's side door unlocked and opened up right away.
I guess at the end of it all, I have a lot to be grateful for.
I wonder how I'll exercise my gratitude tomorrow?
Friday, January 2, 2015
My #OneWord2015: Gratitude
I have received incredibly positive feedback about my retrospective of 2014, and I thank you all for reading! To continue the theme of the new year, I decided it's time to reveal my word for 2015.
For the past several years, I have participated in a new way of making new year's resolutions - instead of making a list of things that I just want to improve about myself (and inevitably not meeting those lofty goals), I select One Word that will guide my growth and direction for the coming year. In 2012 I chose "Believe", in 2013 I chose "Center," and this past year, I chose "Simplicity."
The One Word selection is not random; you are encouraged to reflect in several directions before you select a word (or, really, before a word comes to you). First, you should look inward. Reflect, and ask yourself three questions. One, what do I need? Two, what's in my way? And three, what needs to go?
Second, you should look upward. The creators of the One Word Movement encourage prayer and meditation, asking God to let us know what he wants to do in us and through us for the coming year. We are encouraged to sit still and quietly, and to wait for the word to be spoken to our hearts.
Finally, you should look outward. Once a word has been decided, you should SHARE it! Let others know what word will be guiding you for the year, and let them know how your goals are shaping up, so they can support you and hold you accountable.
This blog post is my "look outward." I have done lots of the first two suggestions - I have reflected, looked inward, and thought long and hard about what is working for me and what didn't in 2014. At the link, you can read some of my reflection about what I need more of in my life, what is in my way, and what I think needs to go.
I have also done a LOT of the second suggestion, looking upward. I've blogged many, many times about how important and central my faith is in my life, and I think my word this year really comes from that place of communicating with God. As I think about where I am currently and what my heart needs, the idea of gratitude keeps coming to the forefront, over and over again.
You see, as I prayed and reflected, the things that I discovered I needed, I craved, were things like joy, blessing, kindness, mercy, grace, healing. Although many of you who know me would probably argue that I seem like a pretty joyful and happy person (thank you), I know the truth. I struggle with personal priorities, with putting truly important things (my relationship with God, namely) first. I believe that what you prioritize manifests itself in the rest of your life, and so if I am not prioritizing God and living a Christian life FIRST, that will show. And I think it has. It may not be obvious to anyone else, but I can feel my joy and my energy slip away when I don't put time with God first and foremost in my life. It is not only affecting me and my happiness, it is also affecting the way I interact with others. And if I'm not letting the light of Christ shine in my every action, then what am I doing?
And truly, as I've reflected, I've discovered that this struggle doesn't come from a lack of trying or striving. I would argue that I strive too much. Instead, I have discovered that what I need more of is rest - rest and trust in God and His provisions, and gratitude in my belief that He has already provided for me.
My theory for 2015 is that if I take more time to be thankful - to appreciate the blessings I already have, to share my gifts with others without asking anything in return, to express to others what they mean to me - my cup will overflow. Instead of worrying about the future, I hope to focus on the present. Instead of comparing myself to others, I hope to be thankful for the strengths I possess. Instead of taking things like my health or my finances for granted, I hope to actively pursue wellness in all forms. I want to let an attitude of gratitude pervade my thoughts and hopefully color all of my decisions and interactions for the coming year.
Does this mean I'm going to be a doormat, to be passive and just let things happen to me? Absolutely not. To me, gratitude is action. Gratitude is not sitting idly by, taking advantage of everything or feeling entitled. Gratitude is using the gifts God has given me to better glorify Him. Gratitude is movement, pursuing, seeking, asking, knocking. Gratitude is recognizing that God has opened and closed various doors in my life, but it is up to me to move through them or past them to forge my path. Gratitude is strength, knowing that "He who calls [me] is faithful, and He will do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:24).
For all these reasons and more, gratitude is my One Word for 2015. I encourage you, if you know me, to check in with me throughout this year to see how I am doing with cultivating an attitude of gratitude. I plan to post again soon with some of my goals relating to my One Word, and I hope that my family, friends, and colleagues hold me accountable to those goals and plans.
I also encourage you to think about your resolutions for 2015. The idea of One Word may not be for you, but is there some driving purpose behind your resolutions for the new year? What do you need more of? What is standing in your way? What needs to go from your life, and what do you need more of in this new year? I wish you all the best for 2015... and thank you for reading.
For the past several years, I have participated in a new way of making new year's resolutions - instead of making a list of things that I just want to improve about myself (and inevitably not meeting those lofty goals), I select One Word that will guide my growth and direction for the coming year. In 2012 I chose "Believe", in 2013 I chose "Center," and this past year, I chose "Simplicity."
The One Word selection is not random; you are encouraged to reflect in several directions before you select a word (or, really, before a word comes to you). First, you should look inward. Reflect, and ask yourself three questions. One, what do I need? Two, what's in my way? And three, what needs to go?
Second, you should look upward. The creators of the One Word Movement encourage prayer and meditation, asking God to let us know what he wants to do in us and through us for the coming year. We are encouraged to sit still and quietly, and to wait for the word to be spoken to our hearts.
Finally, you should look outward. Once a word has been decided, you should SHARE it! Let others know what word will be guiding you for the year, and let them know how your goals are shaping up, so they can support you and hold you accountable.
This blog post is my "look outward." I have done lots of the first two suggestions - I have reflected, looked inward, and thought long and hard about what is working for me and what didn't in 2014. At the link, you can read some of my reflection about what I need more of in my life, what is in my way, and what I think needs to go.
I have also done a LOT of the second suggestion, looking upward. I've blogged many, many times about how important and central my faith is in my life, and I think my word this year really comes from that place of communicating with God. As I think about where I am currently and what my heart needs, the idea of gratitude keeps coming to the forefront, over and over again.
You see, as I prayed and reflected, the things that I discovered I needed, I craved, were things like joy, blessing, kindness, mercy, grace, healing. Although many of you who know me would probably argue that I seem like a pretty joyful and happy person (thank you), I know the truth. I struggle with personal priorities, with putting truly important things (my relationship with God, namely) first. I believe that what you prioritize manifests itself in the rest of your life, and so if I am not prioritizing God and living a Christian life FIRST, that will show. And I think it has. It may not be obvious to anyone else, but I can feel my joy and my energy slip away when I don't put time with God first and foremost in my life. It is not only affecting me and my happiness, it is also affecting the way I interact with others. And if I'm not letting the light of Christ shine in my every action, then what am I doing?
And truly, as I've reflected, I've discovered that this struggle doesn't come from a lack of trying or striving. I would argue that I strive too much. Instead, I have discovered that what I need more of is rest - rest and trust in God and His provisions, and gratitude in my belief that He has already provided for me.
"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28
My theory for 2015 is that if I take more time to be thankful - to appreciate the blessings I already have, to share my gifts with others without asking anything in return, to express to others what they mean to me - my cup will overflow. Instead of worrying about the future, I hope to focus on the present. Instead of comparing myself to others, I hope to be thankful for the strengths I possess. Instead of taking things like my health or my finances for granted, I hope to actively pursue wellness in all forms. I want to let an attitude of gratitude pervade my thoughts and hopefully color all of my decisions and interactions for the coming year.
Does this mean I'm going to be a doormat, to be passive and just let things happen to me? Absolutely not. To me, gratitude is action. Gratitude is not sitting idly by, taking advantage of everything or feeling entitled. Gratitude is using the gifts God has given me to better glorify Him. Gratitude is movement, pursuing, seeking, asking, knocking. Gratitude is recognizing that God has opened and closed various doors in my life, but it is up to me to move through them or past them to forge my path. Gratitude is strength, knowing that "He who calls [me] is faithful, and He will do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:24).
For all these reasons and more, gratitude is my One Word for 2015. I encourage you, if you know me, to check in with me throughout this year to see how I am doing with cultivating an attitude of gratitude. I plan to post again soon with some of my goals relating to my One Word, and I hope that my family, friends, and colleagues hold me accountable to those goals and plans.
I also encourage you to think about your resolutions for 2015. The idea of One Word may not be for you, but is there some driving purpose behind your resolutions for the new year? What do you need more of? What is standing in your way? What needs to go from your life, and what do you need more of in this new year? I wish you all the best for 2015... and thank you for reading.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Looking back at 2014
Page 365 of 365
I was online yesterday, perusing my usual social media sites, and I kept seeing December 31 compared to the last page of a book. I think this is an apropos metaphor - a year's end is like a chapter, or a whole book, coming to a close. For me, 2014 had tremendous ups and downs, and I am thankful for the experiences it brought me, but also thankful that it is done.
In 2014, I...
I was online yesterday, perusing my usual social media sites, and I kept seeing December 31 compared to the last page of a book. I think this is an apropos metaphor - a year's end is like a chapter, or a whole book, coming to a close. For me, 2014 had tremendous ups and downs, and I am thankful for the experiences it brought me, but also thankful that it is done.
In 2014, I...
- Became obsessed with the show "The Wire" (WATCH IT)
- Survived the polar vortex
- Came into my identity as a feminist
- Was a cluster facilitator for IU's LeaderShape retreat and it kind of changed my life
- Got to see the incomparable Meryl Streep and Kevin Kline speak about their careers
- Visited the mountains of North Carolina (and the Biltmore Estate... is that for sale?)
- Attended my first Gamma Phi Beta convention, and fell in love with my sisterhood all over again
- Played co-rec kickball (Sidekicks, are we ready for the coming season??)
- Got addicted to the "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood" game (which I am proud to say I deleted... a week ago)
- Celebrated two years of work at IU Bloomington
- Began advising my Gamma Phi Beta chapter at IU
- Worked as a part of a terrific conference planning team for the inaugural Region VI ACUI conference in Blacksburg, VA
While those are a lot of positive achievements and milestones, I also made a lot of mistakes in 2014, both small and large, at work and personally. I was denied from 2 program proposals at two different national conferences. I struggled with my health and body image. I struggled with events all over the country, those close to my heart and those in which I learned to listen to others' needs as more pressing than my own need to understand (others' struggles with mental illness, what has happened in Ferguson, and so much more). Life always has its ups and downs, of course, but for some reason, 2014 kicked my butt a little more than most years have.
For the past few years, I have selected one word to guide my goals and resolutions throughout the year. This One Word Movement has had varying success for me throughout the past couple of years - 2012 went GREAT, 2013 not so much - so I did the same for 2014. My One Word for 2014 was "simplicity." For a while at the beginning of the year, the world was incredibly helpful for me to parse through all of the clutter in my life to discern what was important. After a time, though, I found myself getting lost in the proverbial weeds, not seeing the forest for all the trees around me. The little tidbits of my life began to bog me down, and instead of focusing on my mantra of "simplicity," I let myself be distracted and feel downtrodden. I let the things that are really important slip away from my focus, and got mired in the tough day to day living that really can get to you after a while. At the end of 2014, I found myself exhausted, burned out, and confused as to what happened to my beautiful plan of "simplicity" in 2014. The year felt anything but simple!
Upon further reflection, as I've had some time to step away and breathe over this break, I think my mistake was in my attitude. When I had successes, I took them for granted; when I failed, I beat myself up and dwelt on the mistake for longer than I should have. I didn't "live in the moment" like I promised myself I would at the beginning of the year; I was not okay when things didn't go perfectly as I wanted to be. I made the idea of "simple" complicated.
To be fair, I set a lot of lofty goals for myself, and didn't set any plans for how to achieve those goals. I definitely made some progress over the year - I replenished my savings account from lots of traveling; I ran a couple of races and really enjoyed myself (and found myself a running buddy on campus!); I took vacation and did NOT check email; I did some good for myself! But there was so much more I wanted out of the year, and I psyched myself out of those successes.
I say this not to self-flagellate about mistakes made in the past; I bring these instances up as examples to learn from and so that I can keep growing and understanding and becoming more of the woman I want to be in 2015. I need a change in attitude, because I can see that my current focus isn't working the best it could be. I need a healthy mind and body, to tackle each day as it comes. And I need to love myself (and others) more, to cut myself (and others) more of a break with grace and the understanding that no one is perfect. Guilt and frustration stand in my way, and my "shoulding" (thanks to Mallory Bower for that term!) has got to go. Instead of thinking I can do it all and then feeling angry and guilty when I can't, I want to trust that there's Someone who's taking care of me more than I can know, and sustaining me with strength. Instead of putting frustration out into the world, I want to put out grace, love, and understanding. I want my life to bless others; I want my words to heal and not wound. I want to live each day with an attitude of thankfulness - thankfulness that I get to live this beautiful, crazy, wonderful, sometimes frustrating but ultimately incredible life.
So after all, I guess I got some "simplicity" out of 2014. Because what could be simpler than the idea of gratitude?
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