Saturday, January 20, 2018

My #OneWord2018: Enough

The beginning of 2017 (hell, a lot of it, to be honest) was especially difficult for me. For that, and for many other reasons, I never got a chance to write a blog post about my OneWord Resolution for 2017: it was, "commitment."

I have a tradition of choosing OneWord Resolutions: see 2012 (Believe), 2013 (Center), 2014 (Simplicity), 2015 (Gratitude), and 2016 (Well). My hope with my 2017 word was to make a commitment to myself, to the important people in my life, and to the important things in life. Even with the trials 2017 brought, I ended the year feeling as though I had done almost all of that... except the commitment to self part.

Sure, I continued practicing gratitude; sure, I made time for some amazing adventures; sure, I even ran two half-marathons. But mentally? Emotionally? It was a struggle. Honestly, the best commitment I made to myself in 2017 was getting a counselor here in Charlotte. (PAUSING HERE: I cannot more highly recommend that everyone have someone to talk to, be it a counselor or a therapist or pastor or WHATEVER YOU NEED to get your stuff off your chest. And be honest - you have stuff. We all do. And your spouse/partner/best friend/parent, although certainly capable of unconditional love for you, IS NOT your therapist.)

So when I thought about what I needed in 2018, what I felt was lacking in my life AND what I thought I needed to shed... I kept coming back to the idea of sufficiency, of enough-ness.

All my live, I've striven for success; I am ambitious by nature (and proud to be so). I have accomplished many things that I can be proud of. And yet, I am my harshest critic. I speak to myself like I would speak to NO ONE ELSE in my life; I am the WORST at giving myself grace.

And yet, I've realized - if I'm not kind to myself, who else will be? I must first and foremost accept and love myself for who and what I am. If I want to be a role model for others who I love so much, I MUST practice loving myself first.

In the words of my (pretend-but-wish-she-was-actually-my) best friend, Amy Poehler,
"When the demon starts to slither my way and say bad sh*t about me I turn around and say, 'Hey. Cool it. Amy is my friend. Don't talk about her like that.' Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do. Sometimes it works."
I wanted to be honest and real - this is the real reasoning behind my #OneWord2018: enough. This year, I want to teach myself how to know that I am already enough.

enough - adj.

  • occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations
  • as much or as many as required
What does enough look like for me?
  • Practicing my faith to remember that God is enough; His grace is enough; His provisions are just the right amount for each day
    • "But when [the Israelites] measured [the manna] out, everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Each family had just what it needed." - Exodus 16:18
    • "Each time [Christ] said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.'" - 2 Corinthians 12:9
  • Being kinder to myself - speaking lovingly, accepting grace, and learning from my mistakes
  • Resetting my approach to food and eating - coming at nourishing my body from a healthy, self-loving standpoint 
  • Actually USING my vacation and sick time
  • Finding an exercise routine that works for my schedule AND my brain
  • Continuing counseling to talk out my stuff
  • Resetting my approach to spending money and budgeting, to come from a place of plenty as opposed to a place of lack
  • Spending time with family, friends, and loved ones

Even if your new year's resolutions differ, I invite you to join me in this journey toward enough.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

30 Before 30: Update Number Two (and BACK from hiatus!)

Happy 2018, y'all, and happy 30th birthday year!

2017 kind of sucked, a lot, and for a lot of people, in small and VERY BIG ways. I was not without my share of sucky parts of 2017. But it was also a BIG learning year for me - the limits of my faith and my resilience were tested and stretched, and here I am, still standing as a new year has dawned.

I'm thankful for the pain of the past year, as much as it hurt, because I can feel that my spirit and my strength have just expanded and grown to include the pain as well as the joy. And whoa, what a rich depth of feeling that is. My heart feels more and more deeply as I grow older, and that's a gift I couldn't have anticipated.

With that being said, it's time for a 30 Before 30 update - we are t-minus 6 months(ish) 'til the big birthday!

First and foremost, I've had to face reality that there is NO WAY (for budgetary reasons) that I will accomplish everything on my original list before July. But with that being said, a friend suggested a brilliant transmutation of this list - it can continue to become a 30 During 30 list! So that's my plan - whatever I haven't accomplished before July, I will attempt to accomplish during my 30th year.

Without further ado, here are some updates on my list - what I've accomplished, what I'm in the midst of, and what I'll be accomplishing this year...

Cassidy's Thirty Before/During 30 (Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving) List, Update Number Two
(See update number one here)

ACCOMPLISHED: 6/30
1. Travel to London  - Completed Summer '17. To date, the BEST FREAKING TRIP OF MY LIFE.
4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - Completed Summer '17 (my Europe trip). 
8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - Completed Summer '17 (day-hiked 2 sections near Bland, VA with my mom!)
12. Run a half-marathon  - Completed x2! March '17 (Skidaway Island Half) & November '17 (Outer Banks Southern Fried Half)
16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - Completed December '17 - Doctor. Dentist. Optometrist. AND counselor. I adulted so hard, y'all.
20. Learn calligraphy - Completed August '17; I took a hand-lettering class locally. SO MUCH FUN.

IN PROGRESS/CONFIRMED TO HAPPEN: 4/30
3. Visit a state I’ve never been to before - my dear grad school roommate Ashlie is getting married this summer in Boise. Idaho, here I come!
10. Pay off half of total principal student loan balance - Not quite by July, but by August, I will be halfway done with paying off my principal balance, AND I'll make my last payment to one of the three companies which hold my loans. The weight is slowly lifting!
17. Complete a Whole 30/28-day Paleo (or similar) Challenge - I'm on Day 8 of my first Whole30 as I type this, and although I haven't seen any physical changes yet, I am enjoying cooking for myself, and it's been nice to eat food that actually fills me up.  Honestly, my favorite part of this one is being part of the community - there are so many people to commiserate with!
19. Try 30 new recipes - In progress, thanks to Whole30. If you're looking for some easy, yummy, and healthy recipes, definitely check out my friend Cassy's wonderful Fed + Fit blog - I've been doing my Whole30 mostly based on her recipes and I've LOVED them so far.

TOTAL: 10/30

I'm a third of the way through my list, y'all! 2018 has already been infinitely better than 2017, and with such excitement ahead of me, I can't wait to tackle the rest of this year as I embrace Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving.