Somebody Needs the Light You Have

The end of the year is a challenging time for everyone. Whether it's my colleagues in education and we're on the cusp of summer, waiting for empty classrooms, towns, campuses, and residence halls; whether it's our business fellows, waiting for the end of the fiscal year so that their budgets (and companies) can turn over and turn around; whether it's the world waiting for December 31 to turn over to January 1, for the old to become new and for a clean slate, to start fresh... the time before the "new year" can seem interminable.

Especially in higher education, I know that my colleagues and I are on the "struggle bus," riding uphill both ways in the snow 'til the quiet, relaxation, and project-based time of summer (with the exception of my Admissions and Orientation fellows; Godspeed, my friends). Spring semester is especially a rough time - programming ramps up as the year moves toward its end; as the weather gets warmer, students get antsier to get out of Dodge, headed for internships, study abroad, and summer vacation; the weeks FLY by with seemingly no rest or respite for the weary, weary educator who just wants ONE quiet moment to BREATHE and REFLECT and for goodness' sake FINISH A TASK. (Can you tell I've been feeling the crazy this spring?)

Especially here in the Midwest, winter was HARD and seemingly never-ending (cue the Game of Thrones references), and then, even as the weather started warming up (it's a beautiful and balmy 66* here currently), so did work. Task piled upon task; program piled upon program. Conference after conference took place; email after email piled up in inboxes. Offices and desks got messier and more neglected; self-care flew out the window in favor of trying to accomplish something at work, to cross just one task off of the to-do list.

I don't say all of this to get sympathy or empathy from you. A few student affairs colleagues just had some great conversations about "The Glorification of Busy" (see the #SAchat transcript here, and some good processing blog posts from Amma Marfo here and from The SA Collective here), and the last thing I want to do is try heap up sympathy for me when, honestly, I brought a lot of the "busy" down on myself.

No, instead, what I want to talk about today is the important reminder that I got in the midst of the hard time.

I'll be real, I don't handle long-term periods of stress well. I've gotten better at it over time, but I still largely react to stress and busy-ness with unhealthy behaviors (more Netflix, less exercise; more eating out, less cooking for myself; more alone time, less time with friends). I start to let the "burnout" get to me - I emotionally and mentally withdraw from my daily life; I question my choices and my actions each day; I take critiques personally and react to situations with gut-driven emotion rather than brain-based logic. (For those of you who have stayed my friend during these times, THANK YOU. Your love of me despite my inability to handle stress means the world to me.:) )

This spring semester has felt harder than most. I am wrapping up Year Two of my job, and I question if I've accomplished or learned anything at all. My students ramped up their programming toward summer, and I questioned if I've really been supporting them and teaching them in the ways that they need. All I want is to hide away in my house, or run away from everything on a loooong vacation, to cover my eyes like a kid and say "If I can't see it, it's not real."

But the other day, I was driving to work, dreading the stress of the day, and a beautiful reminder came on the radio, that I wanted to share with all of you. The song is a Christian worship song, and yet contains an important reminder that I think all people can benefit from. Here is the first verse, and the chorus:

One million reasons why, you shouldn't even try.
After all you're just one heart, a single candle in the dark.
And there are shadows here, feeding on your fears,
That you don't have what it takes - who are you to make a change?

But oh, oh, don't underestimate the God you follow.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Oh somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Keep on pushing back the dark.

What a beautiful reminder, huh? Even in the stress, the darkness of the world, even in times when you may feel like you don't matter, that you can't possibly contribute - I know I've felt that way, many a time - somebody needs the light you have.

So even when it feels like you can't take one more step; even when it feels like the "burnout" is so bad that you need to bathe in aloe vera to treat the heat... keep on pushing back the dark. Because somebody - and you may never know who, but somebody - needs your light. Somebody needs to see you "keep on keepin' on." You may never see the fruit of the seeds you plant each day, but isn't just the idea that you're planting a seed worthwhile? Isn't the picture of the darkness, with even one candle shining, the most hopeful thing you can imagine? Let your light keep shining, however you need to do that. Somebody needs your light. Keep on pushing back the dark.

(song: "Pushing Back the Dark" by Josh Wilson)