Note: This Spring Break, I served as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This was my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I wanted to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.
Previous LeaderShape Posts: Day Zero, Day One, Day Two, Day Three
Previous LeaderShape Posts: Day Zero, Day One, Day Two, Day Three
Halfway through the week of LeaderShape, it's easy to feel exhausted. Not only are the days long - breakfast begins at 7:45 a.m. and the last piece of the day usually ends between 10 and 11 p.m., with faculty meetings after - but the experience is emotionally exhausting (in the best way possible). Participants are delving deeply into who they are, how they operate, and what drives them. LeaderShape is most definitely what many people call a "mountaintop experience" - the week feels like a bubble in which all participants grow and are encouraged, and then going back to the real world after can feel like a drag and a half.
That's why Day Four, "Bringing Vision to Reality," exists. On this day, not only do participants set some tangible goals and action plans to literally bring their LeaderShape vision to life, but they also get a few "reality-checks" throughout the day (the most meaningful of these is the activity Star Power, which happens at the end of the day... I won't go into detail about this activity, but if you've been through it, you know how wrenching and gut-checking it can be). You see, life is not as flowery and passionate and happy-go-lucky as LeaderShape can make it seem at times, and it's important that participants get a real and visceral reminder that their job is to be leaders in a world that is often unjust, harsh, and is imperfect.
Totally a downer, right? Well, not entirely. Part of this message about reality is couched in a wonderful video called Radiating Possibility, which is about the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, Ben Zander. Zander is also a motivational speaker, and his messages about the world are both positive and powerful. (Here's a TED Talk from Zander if you want to get a picture of both the man and the message!)
Zander makes five points in his video, but the one I most remember and want to enact in my life is point #2: your life will be infinitely better if you see mistakes as "fascinating."
Isn't that a wonderful adage?
The world is NOT perfect, nor are we as human beings (and ESPECIALLY not as leaders). We're not going to make the right choices all the time; mistakes are inevitable. However, what if we viewed mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than life- (or career-) ending moments? What if, instead of blaming ourselves (or others) when mistakes happen, we instead say, "How fascinating!"
I am often a self-bully when it comes to making mistakes (see a blog post about my 2013 wake-up call here). I hold myself to a crazy-high standard of perfection, don't ask for help, and then panic when things go wrong. It's not a healthy way to live, nor is it productive. However, I am MILES better at handling mistakes than I used to be. My mom can attest to this - there would be moments when I would send her a LONG, self-defeatist email talking about how my life was over when I made a mistake. Thankfully, I am not quite at the same self-flagellant level as when I was a sophomore in college, but I still have a long way to go when it comes to handling my own imperfections.
Then, Mr. Zander comes along, with his suggestion to say, "How fascinating!" when something goes wrong instead of to blame or shame. What a beautiful message. Just think - how much more of an empathetic, understanding place would the world be if we were all able to view our mistakes (and others') as fascinating, rather than terrible?
Brene Brown, who I've talked about before, is a wonderful academic, author, and I recently had the INCREDIBLE opportunity to see her as the closing keynote speaker at a convention (and I plan to do a blogging series after I'm done with LeaderShape about her messages!). One of her main messages to her audience is to live a life of vulnerability, to "show up, be seen, [and] be loved." I think this ties deeply into seeing our mistakes as fascinating - rather than giving in to shame, let's own up to who we are and what we do; rather than dwelling in negativity, let's learn what we can from each day and move forward knowing that, not only will we try again next time, but that we are not the only ones making mistakes.
I leave you with a wonderful quote from Theodore Roosevelt, which inspired Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly (shared in a tweet by my good friend Valerie):
Love love the Theodore Roosevelt quote @BreneBrown #ACPA14 pic.twitter.com/3fyYxD4veM
— Valerie Heruska (@ValerieHeruska) April 2, 2014
Today, I challenge you:
Will you see your mistakes as fascinating opportunities for you to grow?
Will you dare greatly, regardless of failure (or success)?
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