Adulting.

Yesterday, I adulted. And I mean HARD CORE adulted. I was awake at 7:00am (on a SATURDAY, y'all). I went to the DMV to renew my car registration. I went to Sam's Club to buy new tires. (Ouch.) I dropped off some dry cleaning. I ran 3.5 miles, as part of my half marathon training. And I deep-cleaned my guest bedroom and bathroom (any visitors?).

The best part: I did all of this before noon. ON A SATURDAY.

I don't even know who I am anymore, y'all.

Well, that's not true, to an extent. I know exactly who I am - I'm Cassidy, and I'm finally practicing adulting.

When the college students with whom I work start complaining about how hard life is (as we all tend to do, let's be honest), I remind them that they're adults now, and that being an adult consists of two key truths that I've learned over the past few years, since I was a college student myself.

Here are these truths, which are actually corollaries of each other:
1) Being an adult means that you have to make yourself do things you don't want to do. All the time.

When you were younger, the people who raised you probably did a lot of things for you - they would make your doctor's appointments, or pay your living costs/bills, or make your lunch for you to take to school.

When you're an adult, there's no one to do this for you. (Probably.) You have to schedule that dentist appointment you've been putting off for 3 years. You have to re-register your car at the DMV (and pay property taxes... ouch). You have to wash those dishes that have been sitting in your sink since Tuesday. You're the only person that's responsible for your life now... so do the thing. It sucks, but you're the person who can and should do it.

2) Being an adult means that you're allowed to make whatever choices you want... but you have to live with the consequences of those choices.

As you got older, you probably had to start doing a lot of the aforementioned chores for yourself, but there would be consequences if you didn't. Clean your room, or no TV. Mow the lawn, or you're grounded.  When you're an adult, a lot of times, these consequences aren't as apparent, because a lot of times, no one external is setting them for you.

Listen, the first time I realized that I could let my dishes sit in the sink for a week, I was ecstatic. Washing dishes is mundane, tedious, and sometimes icky. I didn't have a parent or roommate shooting me dirty looks for leaving them sitting; I didn't face no TV or no cell phone for not getting them done. It was magic. But after a few days, those dishes start smelling. Fruit flies may show up. And eventually, you run out of dishes.

I made a choice not to wash my dishes, but then I had to live with the consequences of not washing them - no clean dishes. An even dirtier kitchen. And those consequences, honestly, were worse than if I had just bit the bullet and cleaned them.

This is such a metaphor for adulthood it's not even funny - oftentimes, the immediate action of doing something may be distasteful, or hard, or you may be unsure of how to do it. But the reality is, the consequence of not doing the thing is 99.9% percent of the time WAY worse than doing the thing in the moment.

Sure, I can choose not to go to the doctor or dentist. But what problems are going to be worse because I'm not discovering them early? Sure, I can procrastinate on getting my car's registration renewed. But when I get a ticket for an out-of-date registration, whose fault is that? Adulthood is about facing choices, and making decisions, and then dealing with the consequences.

~

I'm still learning these lessons; I'm by no means perfect. I may have renewed my car registration yesterday; I haven't gone to the dentist in years (I'll spare you the details on how long it's been). I may have deep-cleaned my guest bedroom and bathroom; I still need to vacuum the rest of my apartment and clean my kitchen.

In the end, what I'm really working on is not feeling guilt for the things left undone; rather, I'm attempting to be proud of the progress I've made. Sure, I may slip and make a mistake, but I'm still growing and learning from those mistakes. Every small victory is still a victory - as my friend Ashlie says, "A baby shark is still a shark." Any bit of progress, however small, is still a step forward. And that's something to be proud of.

Focus Downhill, or, Lessons I Learned from Skiing

This Christmas, for the first time EVER, my immediate family decided to play rebel and do our own individual family vacation. We talked throughout 2015 about how nice it would be to spend some quality time together, just the four of us, and so my awesome parents planned us a trip to Killington, Vermont.

For those of you who aren't familiar, Killington is a beautiful resort nestled in the picturesque Green Mountains of Vermont. It has long been known in skiing circles as one of the premiere ski destinations, and they pride themselves on having the longest season of any ski resort. (Irony of all ironies, it had not snowed yet this season while we were there, so sadly, many of their runs were closed. But we still had an AWESOME time.)

I myself have never skied before in my LIFE, so I knew this was going to be an interesting trip. I was reflecting this morning on some of the things that I managed to pick up while on the mountains, and so I thought I'd share these insights with a broader audience.

The not-so-snowy-or-Green Mountains

Focus Downhill, OR, Lessons I Learned From Skiing

1. Set yourself up with the right equipment.
Almost as soon as we checked into Killington, we sought out the equipment rental shop. (Unfortunately it was closed for the evening when we arrived, but we went FIRST THING the next morning, before we skied.) Before you ever set foot on a mountain, you need to make sure that you're set up with the right equipment. If your boots are ill-fitting, or your poles are too long or too short, or your skis are too long, you will find the journey ahead VERY difficult.

In skiing, as in life, preparation is everything. You have to have the right tools to help you out before you can start the work ahead.

2. Read the slope before you slide down it.
Like I said, I had never skied before we went on this trip. I've skated before - inline roller blades and ice skating - and knew that the basics would apply, but only marginally. So, wisely, my parents signed me (and themselves) up for ski lessons on our first day. It's not impossible to ski without lessons, but it is very difficult.

Keith was our intrepid instructor, and one of his very first lessons to us was how to put on skis. Apparently, you have to read the slope that you're on when you are laying your skis down, and place them perpendicular to the slope. Otherwise, your skis will quickly slide away from you, and you'll look like an idiot chasing your skis downhill. (Plus, it's VERY difficult to run in ski boots.)

This makes sense if you think about it - you need to read your surroundings before you jump in. You need to learn which way is downhill (and which way is up) before you endeavor to ski on your merry way. In skiing, as in life, awareness of your surroundings is critical.

3. Focus downhill.
This is probably my favorite lesson I picked up on our ski trip. As Keith was teaching us the basics on our first day, he made sure to emphasize the goal of keeping your torso and head pointed down the hill at all times. If you look at your feet too much, or focus too short-sightedly at the slope just ahead of you, you can lose direction and momentum. You could also run over someone - the corollary to this lesson, as my brother sagely stated, is, "Pay attention to the skiers in front of you. Ignore the skiers behind you."

In skiing, as in life, it can be unhealthy for you to focus too much on the short-term, or the past. In order to be truly successful, you've GOT to think about the future. Even though it's tempting to focus on the here-and-now, ultimately, thinking about what's ahead will better guide your current steps. You don't have to think ALL the way to the end, but focusing on something further in front of you will make your path more smooth.

4. Don't be afraid to take risks.
On the first day, my parents and I stuck to the bunny slope in order to work on our basic skiing skills. The next day, though, it was important to me to branch out, to challenge myself. My dad and I spent half the morning skiing on the one green run that was open, and then the rest of the morning my dad, brother, and I took on a blue run. In retrospect, I was NOT READY FOR A BLUE (see the next lesson learned), but I'm glad that I tried it.

In skiing, as in life, it's important to take risks. I'm glad I tested my boundaries, and I'm glad I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone. It was terrifying, but I survived it, and feel more accomplished for having done it (even if I failed miserably). Which brings me to...

5. Everybody has to start (and fail) somewhere.
I was not. ready. for. a. blue. run.
I fell on ice, and slid away from my skis, and my brother had to drag me back to the snow.
I fell in the middle of the run, and had to drag myself over to the side of the slope so I didn't get run over by the MUCH more experienced skiers and boarders.
I fell on flat parts of the run.
I fell on steep parts of the run.
I  fell at least a dozen times, and because I have very little upper body strength, I had to take off my skis EVERY TIME I FELL, and put them back on again. I was exhausted.
At times, I gave up, and walked down part of the slope. I was absolutely terrified. I had an emotional breakdown at one point, and my poor, sainted father had to quite literally talk me down.

In skiing, as in life, failure is inevitable. But you have to start somewhere. You have to learn your limits, and accept them, and then pick yourself up and try again. You have to acknowledge the fear when it comes, and then let it go to move on. You have to know when to try something, and when to ask for help.  And, you have to be thankful for the people who are helping you on the journey (bless my dad and brother. A run that would have taken them 30 minutes took the three of us an hour and a half, and they stuck with me the whole way).

~

Ultimately, we had a great time skiing. Even though it wasn't easy, it was such a fun and adventurous experience to wrap up 2015 and begin 2016. I'm so thankful that my family went on this journey together, and spent a happy Christmas in Vermont (even without snow!).

My #OneWord2016: Well

Since 2012, I have chosen to mark each year with the choosing of One Word. The idea behind this movement is that, instead of setting resolutions for the new year that you may (or may not) keep, you choose one word that signifies what you want to focus on for the year, what you need more of in your life, and what needs to change for you. In 2012, my word was "Believe;" in 2013, it was "Center;" in 2014, it was "Simplicity;" and in 2015, I chose "Gratitude." All of those words turned out incredibly meaningful for me, especially considering the many events and changes of the past four years. 

And now, the page has turned into a new year. The earth has taken off on her course of another revolution around the sun, and I sat myself down and thought about what I want, what I need, what I hope for in 2016. 

Let's look at the facts: 2016 will mark my 28th year on the planet. It will see the completion of my first year in my new job, and my fourth professional year post-masters. This year will mark 10 years since I graduated from high school, and 6 since I graduated from college. It will see me celebrating a year as a North Carolinian. 

When I think beyond these facts, though, and envision where I want to be in 366 days (because, of course, let's not forget that 2016 is a leap year!), I picture myself happy. I picture myself more confident. I picture my faith having grown, as well as my care for others. I picture stronger relationships. I picture a grown woman who may not know where she'll be at the end of the following year, but one who knows from where her strength comes, and one who finds joy in each day.

Really, considering this goal, there was only one word that can guide my 2016: well. 

To be "well" means to be in good health, to be of sound body and mind. It means that something is satisfactory and pleasing and good. "Well" means gratifying. "Well" to me is almost a synonym for "whole" - not a thing is missing, and if it is, it doesn't matter (or, one is strong enough to seek out the missing thing).

Doesn't that sound good, to be well? I would love to end this year feeling that I grew in wellness, that I became more holistically sound and satisfactory and gratified and whole.

So, I'll be focusing at different times this year on the six different dimensions of wellness: occupational, physical, social, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. I haven't decided yet if each month will be a focus on a different dimension, or whether I'll set small goals for each dimension each month; stay tuned for that plan. But I thought that this approach would touch every part of my life - my body, my soul, and my mind, as well as my external world and my relationships.

Well in 2016 means I want to worry less, and procrastinate less. It means I want to eat better and get moving more. It means I want to spend less money in the short-term to save up for the long-term. It means I want to invest more in my relationships and strengthen them. It means I want to re-focus on my relationship with God, to return fully to Him and to rely fully on Him. 

This January 1, I'm making a commitment to be well in 2016. I invite you to keep up with my journey, as well as to ask me about my progress throughout the year. 

I have a good feeling about 2016. How can I not? This morning began with coffee, with prayer time, with writing, and with sharing my hopes and dreams for the coming year. 

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

Shiner Prickly Pear

For those of you from Texas or with loved ones from Texas, you have probably (at some point) tasted (and enjoyed) a Shiner beer. Brewed in the tiny town of Shiner, TX, Shiner beers are not only delicious; they represent Texan culture in a fantastic way - not only through the brewery's history, but also through the beers that they brew.

Two of my favorite Shiner draughts are Shiner Cheer, which is a holiday beer that has flavors of pecan and peach (two uniquely Texan flavors to add to a holiday brew), and Shiner Ruby Redbird, which features delicious Texas ruby red grapefruit.

My love for Shiner beer is clear by this point, I imagine. So imagine my intrigue when I walk into my local Harris Teeter grocery store (being a North Carolinian, I feel it is my obligation to support local grocery stores, just as I patronized Publix in Florida - shout out to PubSubs!!!), and I see Shiner Prickly Pear beer.

"Huh," I thought. "That's a new flavor. It sounds good, and I've enjoyed cactus-influenced beers before" - here, a shoutout to my favorite beer in the world, Breckenridge Brewery's Agave Wheat - "...but I don't know, that sounds kind of weird. Should I buy it? I'd be stuck with a whole six-pack..."

My deliberations proved too much for me, and (ultimately shopping on a budget) I decided to pass the Prickly Pear by, waiting for a later date to sample this brew.

Now, I regret that decision.

I just moved to a new city and state, as referenced in my last blog post. I am on my second job out of graduate school, and I'm a young woman in my twenties. Now is the time when I need to be putting myself out there - trying new things, meeting new people, exploring new places, and more. I can't let fear of the unknown hold me back.

If I let fear hold me back, I never would have gone out for a co-chair position in my undergrad's extended orientation program, and thus discovered my future career path (and had what is, to this day, the best summer of my life).

If I let fear hold me back, I would never have gone to graduate school at The Florida State University, and met some of the best people (and learned some of the most important things) in my life.

If I let fear hold me back, I wouldn't have accepted a fantastic position in Indiana, and moved halfway across the country, away from all my friends and family, only to find a new home in the Midwest and deep, meaningful experiences in my first professional job.

And if I let fear hold me back, I wouldn't have branched out and gone for this new job, one that matters deeply to me and one that I suspect is going to teach me even more than I could possibly imagine, in addition to bringing me back close to my family and in a state that I love (only second to Texas).

I wouldn't have already made some new friends - shoutout to my colleagues in the Union, Orientation, Greek Life, and more. I wouldn't have tried yoga in a brewery (stereotypical young professional, anyone?). I wouldn't have discovered the beautiful greenway behind my apartment complex.

Now is not the time for fear. Now is the time to grow.

So you can bet your butt, the next time I grow to the grocery store, I'm going to buy myself some Shiner Prickly Pear. It may not be for me, but it's worth a try.

'Most everything is.

Gratitude Lesson #3: Asking the Tough Questions

Today, as I had a life chat with Alexa, a dear friend and up-and-coming colleague, we talked about those dark places that we occasionally get into in our lives. I've written about these low places before - the doldrums, the proving grounds, the valleys. They suck, but they're real points in our lives when things just don't fit or work the way they're supposed to. We may feel down, or lost, or off our groove. Whatever it is, the low places are NOT fun.

What often helps me wake up a little, to get enough of a jolt of electricity to get myself moving again so I can try to get out of the valley, is often the thing I dread doing the most - asking myself (or finding someone to ask) the tough questions.

You know the questions I mean.

"What are you NOT doing?"

"Are you really doing your best?"

"What are you so scared of?"

"Who are you, really?"

These questions are scary as hell, let's be honest. But let's also be honest that a lot of times, we're tempted in life's valleys to throw ourselves a big pity party. And for a while, that can be a healthy behavior. Acknowledge your feelings - sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, etc. Know thyself.

But also know that dwelling on those feelings won't get you out of the valley. You must name the feeling, of course, but you also must acknowledge that that feeling is probably the very barrier (or one of them) that is preventing you from getting out of the valley. And by asking the tough questions, you are saying to yourself, "Okay. So let's say I name this feeling, this barrier.... how am I going to overcome it, or find someone to help me overcome it?"

Dwelling in the valley lets the bad feeling win; dwelling lets the darkness win. Asking the tough question is shining a flashlight on the dark corners, opening the curtains a little to let some sunlight in.

Sometimes, these tough questions can make the valleys seem even deeper and darker, because we recognize how far we have fallen, and how far we have to get back up again. However, by asking the tough questions, I think we acknowledge that there's another mountain to climb, there's another journey to be had. Life doesn't end at the valley; life is about seeking out the next mountaintop to climb.

So find the person who will be your proverbial sherpa, who's going to ask you the tough questions. It may be a parent, a family member, a friend, a mentor. It may be you who's brave enough to shine the light in the dark place. And know that it's going to hurt, asking the tough questions. It's never easy getting out of the valley. But if you're willing to not only name your valley, but also name the barrier blocking your way out onto the next mountaintop, you're going to discover the path out of the bad times a lot faster.

Take it from someone who knows. I'm so thankful to have had friends, family, and mentors who have asked me the tough questions, and recently, I've found the courage to ask myself the tough questions. In the end, I've found that it's worth the risk of the pain to be able to find a way, one step at a time, out of the low places.

Looking back at 2014

Page 365 of  365

I was online yesterday, perusing my usual social media sites, and I kept seeing December 31 compared to the last page of a book. I think this is an apropos metaphor - a year's end is like a chapter, or a whole book, coming to a close. For me, 2014 had tremendous ups and downs, and I am thankful for the experiences it brought me, but also thankful that it is done.

In 2014, I...

• Became obsessed with the show "The Wire" (WATCH IT)
• Survived the polar vortex
• Came into my identity as a feminist
• Was a cluster facilitator for IU's LeaderShape retreat and it kind of changed my life
• Got to see the incomparable Meryl Streep and Kevin Kline speak about their careers
• Visited the mountains of North Carolina (and the Biltmore Estate... is that for sale?)
• Attended my first Gamma Phi Beta convention, and fell in love with my sisterhood all over again
• Played co-rec kickball (Sidekicks, are we ready for the coming season??)
• Got addicted to the "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood" game (which I am proud to say I deleted... a week ago)
• Celebrated two years of work at IU Bloomington
• Began advising my Gamma Phi Beta chapter at IU
• Worked as a part of a terrific conference planning team for the inaugural Region VI ACUI conference in Blacksburg, VA

While those are a lot of positive achievements and milestones, I also made a lot of mistakes in 2014, both small and large, at work and personally. I was denied from 2 program proposals at two different national conferences. I struggled with my health and body image. I struggled with events all over the country, those close to my heart and those in which I learned to listen to others' needs as more pressing than my own need to understand (others' struggles with mental illness, what has happened in Ferguson, and so much more). Life always has its ups and downs, of course, but for some reason, 2014 kicked my butt a little more than most years have. 

For the past few years, I have selected one word to guide my goals and resolutions throughout the year. This One Word Movement has had varying success for me throughout the past couple of years - 2012 went GREAT, 2013 not so much - so I did the same for 2014. My One Word for 2014 was "simplicity." For a while at the beginning of the year, the world was incredibly helpful for me to parse through all of the clutter in my life to discern what was important. After a time, though, I found myself getting lost in the proverbial weeds, not seeing the forest for all the trees around me. The little tidbits of my life began to bog me down, and instead of focusing on my mantra of "simplicity," I let myself be distracted and feel downtrodden. I let the things that are really important slip away from my focus, and got mired in the tough day to day living that really can get to you after a while. At the end of 2014, I found myself exhausted, burned out, and confused as to what happened to my beautiful plan of "simplicity" in 2014. The year felt anything but simple!

Upon further reflection, as I've had some time to step away and breathe over this break, I think my mistake was in my attitude. When I had successes, I took them for granted; when I failed, I beat myself up and dwelt on the mistake for longer than I should have. I didn't "live in the moment" like I promised myself I would at the beginning of the year; I was not okay when things didn't go perfectly as I wanted to be. I made the idea of "simple" complicated.

To be fair, I set a lot of lofty goals for myself, and didn't set any plans for how to achieve those goals. I definitely made some progress over the year - I replenished my savings account from lots of traveling; I ran a couple of races and really enjoyed myself (and found myself a running buddy on campus!); I took vacation and did NOT check email; I did some good for myself! But there was so much more I wanted out of the year, and I psyched myself out of those successes. 

I say this not to self-flagellate about mistakes made in the past; I bring these instances up as examples to learn from and so that I can keep growing and understanding and becoming more of the woman I want to be in 2015. I need a change in attitude, because I can see that my current focus isn't working the best it could be. I need a healthy mind and body, to tackle each day as it comes. And I need to love myself (and others) more, to cut myself (and others) more of a break with grace and the understanding that no one is perfect. Guilt and frustration stand in my way, and my "shoulding" (thanks to Mallory Bower for that term!) has got to go. Instead of thinking I can do it all and then feeling angry and guilty when I can't, I want to trust that there's Someone who's taking care of me more than I can know, and sustaining me with strength. Instead of putting frustration out into the world, I want to put out grace, love, and understanding. I want my life to bless others; I want my words to heal and not wound. I want to live each day with an attitude of thankfulness - thankfulness that I get to live this beautiful, crazy, wonderful, sometimes frustrating but ultimately incredible life.

So after all, I guess I got some "simplicity" out of 2014. Because what could be simpler than the idea of gratitude? 

Slow Growth

Now is the winter of our discontent /  Made glorious summer by this son of York - Richard III, Act I, Scene i, Lines 1-2

The lines above may seem a little incongruous considering that summer is now over. Soon gone are the days of 9-5 office hours; kiss the lazy summer weekends by the poolside goodbye. Long-term project thinking must take a backseat to short-term proactivity and reactivity (read: firefighting). Bloomington has doubled in size once again; the roads are clogged with new students just trying to get to Target to buy that new futon. Soon, the hazy summer heat will melt into breezy days and cool nights of fall, soon to be replaced by steely gray winter days once again.

Summer, as I've written before, is one of my favorite times of year. And yet, this summer was rough.

Nothing major happened to me; no family trauma or personal tragedy befell (praise God); and yet, I was discontent this summer. I felt rushed through the days, stumbling headlong through programs and travel, and when I blinked, summer was basically over and it was time to prepare for fall and our Welcome Week programs. I turned 26, and once again found myself beset by the quarter-life crisis: What the hell am I doing with my life? I have a great job, great friends, success... why can't I be content? What am I missing? Should I be seeking something more? Anyone who has wrestled with these questions can tell you that there's no easy answer.

I still don't have an answer to these questions, months later, as we now kick into high gear for fall and another new school year. And yet, the discontent has melted away. I have made a commitment to be more present, to live IN the present, and I find myself feeling more at peace. Sure, I still ponder my next steps; sure, I'd say I'm still in the grips of yet another quarter-life crisis. But contentment is the secret word for Fall 2014, and my one "new year's resolution."

As I think about this shift in personal perspective, I think it's the result of slow growth. If you look at a plant every single day, you may think that nothing has changed. The leaves are no bigger, the stems are no taller. And yet, if you compare the plant to where it was a month ago, it has grown, even in the most subtle of ways. It has changed. It has adapted to its surroundings and found a way to push out new life, new leaves, new growth.

That's the way I feel right now. No growth spurts, no sudden bursts of insight or wisdom. But I am not the same woman I was 3 months ago, 6 months ago, a year ago, two years ago. I am the accumulation of my experiences, good and bad, and I have changed, thanks to that inevitable, creeping slow growth. I can be proud of that change, too. It's noticeable from the outside, even when I don't always acknowledge it from the inside. It's there. It's present. I am learning, growing, and becoming better, day by day. The icy nerves of my "winter of discontent" are melting away, to be replaced by rest and relaxation in the "glorious summer" of the knowledge that I am learning, and that I know more today than I knew yesterday (and, I'll know more tomorrow than I know today). I can be content, at peace.

Contentment is the name of the game, folks. I challenge you to find evidence of your slow growth this fall. Let the winter of your discontent melt away, and find a glorious summer in the knowledge that you are continually learning and changing. Find your peaceful moment in today.

Always On Time

"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:4, NIV

Those of you who are regular readers of this blog know that I'm a big believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Thanks in large part to my faith, but also to various life experiences I've had, I see purpose in my life. I see a grander design for me, doors opened (and closed), windows cracked (and slammed shut), and paths forged (and dead-ended, requiring a U-turn and a new plan).

Of course, in the midst of my optimistic mantra, there are some big issues that I encounter time and time again... 

First, "Things" don't always "happen." Sometimes, it seems like every day is unfolding the same way for me; that I'm in  my very own "winter of discontent" (or, sometimes literal winter - living in the Midwest was a CHALLENGE this year with the whole freezing cold thing). I've experienced this multiple ways in the past, my graduate job search being a prime example. I would apply for a job, get an interview, sometimes even get an on-campus... and then nothing. No offer, no encouragement. On to the next one; wash, rinse, repeat. I'm sure those of you who are job searching right now can empathize with this feeling. Sometimes, it can feel like this on the job too - day in and day out, the same activities are happening; the same students are in and out of my office; the same programs are being planned and executed. You know, "there is nothing new under the sun."

Second, if "things" are "happening," they don't always happen how or when I want them to. I can plan all I want for my life - for my one-year, five-year, and ten-year benchmarks of "where I'll be," but in my experience, whenever I do this, God likes to giggle and say, "Nope." (Apparently I'm not the only one who's ever experienced this - I think we've got some cultural mantras, i.e. "Man proposes, God disposes" and "The best-laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley" to back me up.) I have these picture-perfect visions of my life in my head, and I will seize opportunities that will lead me to those visions, just to have the door shut and be told "It's not for you."

Whenever I'm in the middle of these issues, of course, I get frustrated. I feel becalmed, listless, inert, like nothing will change for me. I also feel annoyed, impatient, and sometimes even pained by my perceived stagnation or frustration of plans. I shake my fist at the sky and say, "Why wasn't MY plan good enough?!?" 

But the beauty and challenge of faith is the whole "believing without seeing" thing, not walking by sight but rather choosing to trust in God's plan and His perfect timing.

Because, at the end of the day, His timing IS perfect. That's the crazy amazing awesome thing about my life experiences - time and time again, I have seen that God's timing is PERFECT. My plan may or may not have been a good one, but God's plan was ultimately better for me.

I've been feeling this listlessness lately. Summer, while one of my favorite times of year because of the opportunities it affords to rest and reflect, can also be extraordinarily challenging because of the results of these reflections. What have I accomplished? I ask myself. What am I doing well? What can I be doing better? What is the next step here? What choices should I be making to lead me to the next step? When should I be stepping, and when should I be building what I've already got where I've already got it? In my head, I echo one of the funny-but-resonates-with-me quotes that one of my students keeps saying in regard to her graduate school search: "I wish I could just see a year into the future and know exactly where I'll be going, and what I'll be doing." It's funny, because that's impossible, of course. It's funny, because I COMPLETELY empathize with her frustration. And it's funny, because I keep reminding her to "trust the process," that everything will turn out exactly how it's supposed to. I know, because I've seen it, and I know because I believe it to be true. 

Whether or not you are a person of faith, believe in a higher power, or even consider yourself  spiritual, there's something to be said for "the Universe" making things work out in a funny and brilliant way. I received a timely devotional email in my inbox this morning, which is what inspired this post:

...When God wants to make a giant oak, he takes a hundred years, but when he wants to make a mushroom, he does it overnight... 

Be patient with the process. James advised, "Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed" (James 1:4b MSG).

Don’t get discouraged. When Habakkuk became depressed because he didn't think God was acting quickly enough, God had this to say: "These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!" (Habakkuk 2:3 LB)

A delay is not a denial from God!

Remember how far you've come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be. Years ago people wore a popular button with the letters PBPGINFWMY. It stood for "Please Be Patient, God Is Not Finished With Me Yet." God isn't finished with you, either, so keep on moving forward. Even the snail reached the ark by persevering! - Rick Warren

Isn't that an encouraging reminder? I especially love the line, "A delay is not a denial from God." God may not be saying no; he may just be saying, "Not yet."

For those of you who are frustrated and impatient, feeling like the world isn't (or you aren't) moving at the right pace, know that I feel your pain. But my recommendation? Stop for a minute. Think back on your life, and the choices and plans that led you to where you are now. See the beauty in the seemingly chaotic and convoluted paths you've walked to get to where you are, and take a moment to trust that everything is going to be okay. It's hard, and you may have to make the conscious choice to trust in a "bigger plan" every moment of every day, but a year from now, five years, ten years, 30 years down the road, you're going to be able to see the pattern that emerges from God's perfect timing, and know that He was always on time.

Persevere, my friends. The day will come when you're exactly who you are supposed to be.

LeaderShape, Day Six (and beyond): Staying in Action

Note: This Spring Break, I served as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This was my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I wanted to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.
Previous LeaderShape Posts: Day Zero, Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Four, Day Five

Waking up on Day Six of LeaderShape was absolutely surreal. As anyone who has participated in or facilitated a LeaderShape experience can tell you, it is at once the LONGEST and the SHORTEST week of your life. On the one hand, you wake up on Day Three and think to yourself, "We still have THREE MORE DAYS of this?!?" On the other hand, you blink, and all of a sudden, it's Day Six. The participants are packing their bags, we're cleaning our family cluster meeting rooms, we're wrapping up the thinking and learning and growing that's been taking place... and you can't believe a whole week has flown by.

The end of a LeaderShape experience is a special time. It consists of several pieces - first there's a wonderful commencement ceremony. As we all know from graduation speeches long-past, "commencement means beginning." As this is a meaningful concept to ponder for graduations from school, so it is for LeaderShape. The end of the retreat is only the beginning of a time back out in the world. We have spent the past six days with the participants, challenging them, having deep conversations with them, laughing with them, crying with them. We have looked inward to look outward. We have dreamed the biggest visions of all, and then simulated the often-heartbreaking and always-exhausting return to real life with all its challenges and oppression. But then, on Day Six, it's time to look forward... what will Day Seven (and beyond) look like for the participants? How will they stay in action?

This leads to the second big piece of Day Six - the concept of Day Seven. Every day after LeaderShape is considered "Day Seven" - if you let your life be a continuation of the growth you've experienced on the retreat, then every day onward can be a part of your special LeaderShape experience. I love this concept of continuity; I love the idea that each day can (and probably) should serve as a reminder of the growth that occurred on LeaderShape.

Of course, this idea is not without its challenges. I've been taking part in extended retreats for a LONG time - first with the Emmaus and Chrysalis Christian retreats in middle and high school, then with Fish Camp at Texas A&M, and now with LeaderShape - and I can tell you that the hardest part of being a part of a "mountain-top" experience like that is coming back down into the "valley."  Retreats are an amazing time to get away from the world and be reminded of the important things... but what happens when you come back? Can the concepts you've learned, the realizations you've had, the ideas you've birthed, stay alive in the toughness of everyday life? Can the relationships you've formed stand the stress and tests of the nine-to-five grind? Can the "process of life-long leadership," as LeaderShape describes it, continue?

I think the answer is "Yes, but it won't be easy." 

LeaderShape begins Day Six with a quote by Oliver Wendell Holmes: "A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension." On the LeaderShape experience, the mind, the heart, and the soul have been stretched. Sometimes the process hurts, sometimes it feels like your mind should have been stretched all along; regardless, the experience changes you in a fundamental way. Then, returning to the "real world"... things are different. YOU are different. You see the world in a different way, hopefully never to return to your "original dimension," because the new way is infinitely better than the old.

But again, these changes are not without challenges. Friends and family may not see eye-to-eye with your new perspective. You may be ready and energized for radical change; the world may say, "Whoa, whoa. Who do you think you are with these new ideas? Slow your roll, buddy. Things are the way they are for a reason." Coming back down into the "valley" of everyday life can be exhausting, disheartening, and can knock you over 'til it feels like you can't get back up.

So how do you deal with this process? How do you retain the energy and inertia you gained in your experience? How do you stay in action?

To be honest... I'm still figuring out the answers to those questions. As you can tell from my past reflections on this experience, LeaderShape changed even ME, a facilitator, in a fundamental way. I questioned my ways of thinking and my values right along with the participants; I built new relationships and new visions for how I wanted the world to be. I was in it right along with everyone else, and it was a beautiful thing. And now, I am practicing what LeaderShape calls "resilience," because I am right down in the valley with the participants. The mountain-top seems far away and forever ago, and now I'm living in the nine-to-five grind again... but I am different. I am practicing getting back up after falling down (or being pushed down), because I've started to realize that my life, my values, can and should mean SO much more to me and be SO much more of a part of my life than they are. 

It's not easy. But it is my privilege and my responsibility to carry forward the lessons I learned and the joy I gained from LeaderShape, and to try to change the world - my world - a little bit at a time, every day. 

~

It's now over a month since LeaderShape ended. It's a rainy day in April; the school semester ends in 12 days. My engine has been running on all cylinders for the past month since I got back; my mind is mush and my energy is low. But in the grey murk of this Monday, there's a little spark for me, as I think back on LeaderShape. As I consider the amazing things I witnessed, the amazing students and facilitators I met, the spark glows brighter. As I remember my promises to myself to stay true to me and to my values, the spark turns into a little flame. And I smile, because I know that, as long as that flame is there - hell, as long as that spark doesn't go out - I am going to make it. Today will flow into other days; the world will keep turning; I will try my hardest to be a spark for others. I will keep my flame lit, to try to light the way in the gray.

LeaderShape, Day Five: Living and Leading With Integrity

Note: This Spring Break, I served as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This was my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I wanted to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.
Previous LeaderShape Posts: Day Zero, Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Four

As the LeaderShape week winds to a close, the concepts that the facilitators work on with participants get more complicated. LeaderShape works on the principle of self -> group -> community development, and you can really see that trajectory through the themes of the days... the participants start by looking inward to discover who they are; they continue growth in groups as they learn to work together as a team; they end the week by looking inward AND outward simultaneously in order to better serve (and improve) the world around them. Day Five's theme - Living and Leading with Integrity - begins to ask participants to tie everything together. LeaderShape's mission includes the plan that "all lead with integrity," and on Day Five, participants and facilitators explore what that means.

Per the dictionary, integrity means "adherence to moral principles; soundness of character; honesty." To LeaderShape, integrity means values congruence - is what I believe in reflected in how I act? Or, am I "walking my talk"? Who do I want to be, and how do I "show up" to the world around me?

What a heavy, yet critically important concept to explore with college student participants. It's so hard to name your values, your TRUE values, at any age, but especially as a college student. Then, the challenge goes even further - are you acting out those values? Does your life reflect the things you believe in?

I've had many an occasion throughout my life so far when I've dealt with values congruence. Some of those situations have come out with a "win," and some of them, I'm sad to say, led to me making the choice that was best at the time rather than one that fit my values.

As a "win," one only needs to look to three short years ago, when I was finishing my first year as a graduate student in Florida State's Higher Education & Student Affairs program. My graduate assistantship was with the FSU Alumni Association, advising the Student Alumni Association group. As much as I was thankful for my job, and as much as I learned about alumni affairs and development, the values of the office - namely, a focus on relationships and development post-graduation (as opposed to during students' time in college) - did not mesh with my personal and professional values. As hard as it was, I decided (along with my supervisor, who was incredibly supportive) to look for other graduate assistantships that would better fit what I needed out of my time in graduate school. Thankfully, I ended up with an offer from the Student Activities Center, an office MUCH better suited to both my interests and to my values. This experience has proved incredibly important in my professional development - in order to be successful, I needed to know my values, and then I needed to realize when I was not "walking my talk"... and THEN I needed to be brave enough to take steps to live in more values congruence.

Of course, I don't always lead with integrity; I can be vulnerable enough to say so. Right now, for instance, in the first few years of my professional career, I am struggling with my value of self-care and with making that congruent with my lifestyle. You see, working as a new professional in higher education, the temptation (and expectation) exists to work hard and often, and to branch out into as many different pieces of the profession as you can. The culture of student affairs for grads and new professionals is often to make work your life, as opposed to just having it be a part of your life. (I have blogged about this expectation here.) And so, as much as I am aware of and AGAINST the idea of over-commitment... I am honestly over-committed right now. I work too much; I am bad at separating work from my personal life; I am not good at saying "no." And while I love the opportunities that are on my plate right now, I am exhausted, which is making me less effective at carrying out the duties that are expected of me. I am walking the path to burnout, something that many new professionals in higher education experience (leading to a 50% "dropout" rate within five years). I have identified my values, I have identified that I am not living in congruence... but this time, taking the steps to live with integrity is more challenging than I could have imagined. I keep saying I'll address it, but then... I don't. How, though, does this show up to my students and colleagues? What does it mean for me to tell my students to go home and not spend the night in the office, when I'm working 60-hour weeks? What does it mean for me to tell my friends that I miss them, but then have to cancel on plans because I'm "too busy"? I am not showing up as the person I want to be, and that's a problem I need to face, head-on. It won't be easy, nor will it be much fun, but for my own integrity - and sanity - it's something that I need to step up and address, before it's too late.

I'm sure you can think of areas in your own life where you've lived and lead with integrity, and where you may have fallen short. I think it's time that we celebrate where we are showing up as the person we want to be, and that, when we fall down and make mistakes, we say "How fascinating!" and try again. Learning to live with integrity, to "walk my talk," is a challenge that won't be easy, but it is one that is vital to make me be the person (and leader) that I want to be. It is a challenge that will test my mettle, that may break me down more than once, but one that is worth it, and one that I want to undertake - and meet - each day for the rest of my life.

Day Five of LeaderShape served as a wake-up call for me to live with more integrity. Where are places in your life where you can better practice "walking your talk"? Where is it time for you to step up, say "This isn't me," and take steps to show up as the person who you want to be?

LeaderShape, Day Four: Bringing Vision to Reality

Note: This Spring Break, I served as a small group facilitator on LeaderShape, a six-day immersive leadership experience for college students. This was my first time working with a LeaderShape experience, so I wanted to record and process my reflections and learning here on my blog.
Previous LeaderShape Posts: Day Zero, Day One, Day Two, Day Three

Halfway through the week of LeaderShape, it's easy to feel exhausted. Not only are the days long - breakfast begins at 7:45 a.m. and the last piece of the day usually ends between 10 and 11 p.m., with faculty meetings after - but the experience is emotionally exhausting (in the best way possible). Participants are delving deeply into who they are, how they operate, and what drives them. LeaderShape is most definitely what many people call a "mountaintop experience" - the week feels like a bubble in which all participants grow and are encouraged, and then going back to the real world after can feel like a drag and a half.

That's why Day Four, "Bringing Vision to Reality," exists. On this day, not only do participants set some tangible goals and action plans to literally bring their LeaderShape vision to life, but they also get a few "reality-checks" throughout the day (the most meaningful of these is the activity Star Power, which happens at the end of the day... I won't go into detail about this activity, but if you've been through it, you know how wrenching and gut-checking it can be). You see, life is not as flowery and passionate and happy-go-lucky as LeaderShape can make it seem at times, and it's important that participants get a real and visceral reminder that their job is to be leaders in a world that is often unjust, harsh, and is imperfect. 

Totally a downer, right? Well, not entirely. Part of this message about reality is couched in a wonderful video called Radiating Possibility, which is about the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, Ben Zander. Zander is also a motivational speaker, and his messages about the world are both positive and powerful. (Here's a TED Talk from Zander if you want to get a picture of both the man and the message!)

Zander makes five points in his video, but the one I most remember and want to enact in my life is point #2: your life will be infinitely better if you see mistakes as "fascinating."

Isn't that a wonderful adage?

The world is NOT perfect, nor are we as human beings (and ESPECIALLY not as leaders). We're not going to make the right choices all the time; mistakes are inevitable. However, what if we viewed mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than life- (or career-) ending moments? What if, instead of blaming ourselves (or others) when mistakes happen, we instead say, "How fascinating!"

I am often a self-bully when it comes to making mistakes (see a blog post about my 2013 wake-up call here). I hold myself to a crazy-high standard of perfection, don't ask for help, and then panic when things go wrong. It's not a healthy way to live, nor is it productive. However, I am MILES better at handling mistakes than I used to be. My mom can attest to this - there would be moments when I would send her a LONG, self-defeatist email talking about how my life was over when I made a mistake. Thankfully, I am not quite at the same self-flagellant level as when I was a sophomore in college, but I still have a long way to go when it comes to handling my own imperfections.

Then, Mr. Zander comes along, with his suggestion to say, "How fascinating!" when something goes wrong instead of to blame or shame. What a beautiful message. Just think - how much more of an empathetic, understanding place would the world be if we were all able to view our mistakes (and others') as fascinating, rather than terrible?

Brene Brown, who I've talked about before, is a wonderful academic, author, and I recently had the INCREDIBLE opportunity to see her as the closing keynote speaker at a convention (and I plan to do a blogging series after I'm done with LeaderShape about her messages!). One of her main messages to her audience is to live a life of vulnerability, to "show up, be seen, [and] be loved." I think this ties deeply into seeing our mistakes as fascinating - rather than giving in to shame, let's own up to who we are and what we do; rather than dwelling in negativity, let's learn what we can from each day and move forward knowing that, not only will we try again next time, but that we are not the only ones making mistakes.

I leave you with a wonderful quote from Theodore Roosevelt, which inspired Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly (shared in a tweet by my good friend Valerie):

Love love the Theodore Roosevelt quote @BreneBrown #ACPA14 pic.twitter.com/3fyYxD4veM
— Valerie Heruska (@ValerieHeruska) April 2, 2014

Today, I challenge you: 

Will you see your mistakes as fascinating opportunities for you to grow?

Will you dare greatly, regardless of failure (or success)? 

"It Might Be a Quarter-Life Crisis...

...or just a stirring in my soul." - John Mayer

Happy July, everybody! It's a gorgeous 70-degree day here in Indiana, and I would apologize to those of you who are dealing with hotter heat on this July day, but I feel like living through 23 summers of 100+ degree weather entitles me to a little smugness on a gorgeous day like this. :)

I find myself in a reflective mood today, and for a multitude of reasons. It's now July, and summer, for all intents and purposes, is winding down. The new fiscal year has started (holla back, all my fellow budget managers!), our office is wrapping up a search for a new colleague (I can't believe it's been almost a year since I was experiencing such a search myself!), and our students return from their holidays and travels in about a month and a half.

This, my first summer on the job, has proved to be a wonderfully restorative one. My supervisor, student leaders, and I have taken time to take stock, discuss goals for the coming year, and really enjoy the 9-5 grind of this office (as opposed to our late-night grind during the school year). In addition, I have travels up ahead to take time off from work: in about 27 hours I'll be flying out to Portland, Oregon, to see some of my best friends and to celebrate my birthday (see below for more on that), and then in a few weeks I'm making an extended trip down to my homeland - the great state of Texas - to celebrate some dear friends getting married. Summer travels are my favorite, and I can't wait to put this summer's trips on the books.

Another reason I find myself reflective at this point in the summer, as I alluded to above, is that it's almost my birthday! (In lieu of presents, dear friends, just come visit me in Bloomington. ;) ) I will be 25 years old this year (if you couldn't guess from my brilliant lyrical title), and the whole idea of a "quarter-life crisis" really has me thinking about where I am right now. This Buzzfeed article has been making the rounds among my peers on Facebook, and according to its purpose, it got me thinking about if I'm in the middle of my "quarter-life crisis."

And I can honestly say...I'm not. (yet, anyway. I'm still kickin' it at 24! :) )

But seriously, all the anxiety and questions that psychologists say come along at this point in my life - who am I, why am I here, what am I doing, and so on - happened at this exact point LAST YEAR. Ya know, that whole job search thing really got me pondering the deep questions of life. Was it a good idea to go to grad school? Is higher education the right field for me? Was it smart to pick up and move halfway across the country?  Will I EVER be able to manage my own budget? (The jury's still out on that one, folks...) Will I be FOREVER ALONE?

A year later, I still don't know all the answers, but I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I've got faith that God is using me to His (and my) best purpose where I am right now. I've got some of the best friends and family that a girl could ever ask for, and those numbers are growing day by day and week by week. I really, really do like my job a whole, whole lot; even on the days when it seems like things are going to hell in a handbasket (and they happen MUCH more often than I'd like), I know that my students and I are learning invaluable things that are going to help us later on in life. I'm constantly learning, growing, and developing, and more than anything, I'm THANKFUL.

I'm thankful for almost 25 pretty solid years on this earth, and I can't wait for 75 more. (Ya know, one has to assume that "quarter-life" refers to the fact that I'm going to live to be 100... I'll take it.)

So I wish everyone a HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, and a FABULOUS mid-summer week. May all of you find joy in your days!

Summer Projects (Sunshine Included)

Long time, no blog! But now it's summer, and the excuses have hit the rearview just like the academic year has. I can't believe that I've already been working at IU for almost 10 months (it'll be a year in August), and that I've made it through one academic year... time has absolutely flown by. Look for a post forthcoming about the things I learned in Year One; for now, I want to talk about summer.

What a beautiful word summer is, especially when you think about all the things it encompasses... sunshine, beaches, rest, play, green grass, blue swimming pools, star-filled nights. I could go on forever - summer is a special time. Of course, now that I'm a full-time professional, I've had to grasp a brand new reality: summer is for work, too.

If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said that I'd be disappointed about not having the summer "off," like my twenty years of schooling prior, but that I realized that it's part of the reality of being a full-time professional. Now that I'm in that reality, though, I have to say - a summer of work can be just as beautiful a thing as a summer off. Because, here's the truth that I've learned: it's hard, VERY hard, to get long-term projects done during the school year. One of my profession's truisms that I've faced as a newbie, and come to realize is accurate, is that my job really is ALL about my students. I mean that in the best way possible; I wouldn't have a job without them! But with that truth, all of my priorities when my students are around focus on those students. I love having an open-door policy; I love that my students trust me enough to come talk to me about work and about their personal issues. The truth of the matter is, though, that it's hard for me to focus on long-term projects during the school year because of the day-to-day, crisis-managing, firefighting role of advising college students.

But now, my friends, it's summer. Granted, some of my students are still around, working on programming for the summer. For the most part, however, it's SILENT in our office. And while I love my students, I am so very, very appreciative of the time to focus. Even though I'm a millennial, I've never really identified or felt comfortable with one of the generational qualities ascribed to us - multitasking. I hate multitasking; I feel like I'm not able to do justice to the work that's assigned to me when I'm forced to juggle it with other tasks. Of course, another reality of the professional world that I faced this year is that my day-to-day is ALL ABOUT MULTITASKING! So now that it's summer, and I'm able to focus on one thing at a time, my brain is a LOT happier.

In short, so far, summer has been treating me beautifully. I have time to truly focus on short- and long-term projects that escaped my notice (or had to be swept under the rug) during the school year. Here's a list, not even close to all-encompassing, but broken down of the things that I'll be working on this summer (work-related and otherwise):

1. Annual Reports - how has our office done with engaging the students? How has the Union Board done with reaching out to its constituents? Are we on target with our mission statement? Can we be proud of the things we've accomplished over the past academic year?
2. Staff and Grad Assistant Training - We just hired a new GA, and will be hiring a new professional in our office. Now is the perfect time to focus on training; what can and should our new professionals and paraprofessionals be getting out of time in our office? How can I as a professional support my colleagues' journeys? How can I make sure that I work to explain and help my colleagues understand the culture of my institution and office even better than I do?
3. Planning for the Year Ahead - Summer is the perfect time to take a look around and see where we are and how we can improve. I want to try to be intentional about thinking about the year ahead; now that I know what the school year looks like, what can I do now to ease my path later on?
4. Reflection Time - Now that I've been in my role for a year (almost), I really want to take stock of where I've been and where I'm going. I want to set goals for the coming year, and to really think about my professional development. This project includes blogging more - I've missed the catharsis and the engagement that this medium brings, and I really want to make an effort to be processing this way more (and engaging with my fellow professionals via their blogs). Which leads to...
5. Professional Development - How can I seek out new opportunities to grow and learn? I've already been blessed with one opportunity coming up this summer, ACUI's IPDS New Professionals Orientation. I'm so excited to get to spend a week with fellow new professionals! (nerd alert.) I also want to tackle some reading this summer; I FINALLY got a library card and want to put it to good use, for both leisure and developmental reading. Which leads to my final point...
6. Leisure Time - I have some beautiful vacations coming up in July; I'm playing on a co-rec softball team; I recently bought my very own bicycle. I want to be very purposeful about relaxing into this less stressful summer schedule, and really enjoying my "time off" (as close to time off as I'll get :))

Here's to you, summer 2013 - let's make it a good one!

It's Not About [So]Me

Lately, there's been a particular topic on my mind; one that, as a practicing Christian and specifically as a Catholic, is very close to my heart: the church season of Lent.

For those of you who might be unfamiliar or a little rusty, Lent is the season immediately preceding Easter, when Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. Lent starts on Ash Wednesday (the day after Mardi Gras for you Louisiana natives), and spans 40 days. The Catholic church especially intends Lent to be a time of solemn reflection, leading up to a holiday full of rejoicing. Christians are familiar with stories from the Gospels, describing Jesus' temptation in the desert, and how he stayed strong in the midst of the world's temptations through prayer and fasting. Keeping in mind the constant goal of being followers of Christ (that is what "Christian" means, after all!), the church (again, the Catholic church especially) encourages all its members to spend the season of Lent like Jesus did--engaging in prayer, penance, and fasting; working on our spiritual discipline; and constantly strengthening our faith through any and all means.

So as you can imagine, there's a spirit of sacrifice and self-denial surrounding the season of Lent. Lent, for Christians, is all about remembering that life is hard, but in the end, the reward is incomparable. Lent is all about denying the self, and focusing more on "things above" than things here below.

I bet at this point you've figured out where this is leading--I'm going to share with you what I decided to give up for Lent. Some of you who read this blog may already know, but here it is: I decided, for the 40 days of Lent, I will not take part in my usual/daily social media outlets (specifically Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr).
**Note: Yes, I realize the irony of sharing these reflections via blogging, a medium that many consider to be social media, but please humor the method to my madness :)**

Those of you who read this blog regularly, most of whom know me pretty well, will know that this is quite a sacrifice (which, of course, is the point--giving up something for Lent is not supposed to be easy). I use Facebook to keep in touch with my high school, college, and grad school friends who live across the country from me. I use Twitter for multitudinous reasons, chief among them a) engaging in professional development with other student affairs professionals across the country, b) live-Tweeting movies, and c) talking about Beyonce. I use Tumblr to keep on top of my pop culture consumption; without it I would not have known so early that Disney is putting a Boy Meets World sequel sitcom, featuring much of the original cast, into production (if you didn't already know this, REJOICE WITH ME). And I use Instagram... well, I'm not really sure how I use Instagram yet. There's not really a streamlined purpose for it for me. I do enjoy looking at pictures of my friends' meals, though, so that's something.

TL; DR: I am almost CONSTANTLY engaging on social media. I have apps on my phone; as soon as I wake up in the morning I'm checking Instagram photos and seeing funny tweets that popped up the night before. When I have a moment at work, I'm scanning Tumblr for the latest updates or taking a few moments out of my day to tweet encouraging messages to friends and students. I check Facebook daily to make sure that I haven't missed any friends' birthdays and to post funny Buzzfeed articles on buddies' walls. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the moment I close them at night, I am plugged in and connected to my many networks.

So I did some reflecting right before Ash Wednesday this year, about what to give up for Lent. And I realized something very important: while the amazing networks are, after all, the POINT of social media, all of my social media outlets are doing something for me that I did not intend: they are distracting me. I am constantly drawn to pull up Facebook (assuming, in a very silly way, that I will have some notification that wasn't there 30 seconds ago); I am constantly drawn to send a new tweet or to see what new celebrity-based topic might be trending. Instead of focusing on the task at hand, I allow myself through social media to be distracted. And it's not only at work (although work is primarily where distraction is a BIG problem)--in the mornings, when I wake up, my time could be better spent getting ready for the day, rather than spending 15 minutes checking all my social media apps. Instead of reading Twitter as I eat breakfast, I could be spending some quiet time reading my Bible and doing a devotional, mentally fortifying myself for the day ahead. Instead of spending hours perusing Tumblr after I get home from work, I could be reading a book or cozying up on my couch to watch a movie. Instead of trying to capture the perfect moment to share with friends on Instagram, I could be experiencing the moment.

Lent, ultimately, is about removing the distractions of this world and the temptation to gratify the self. To use church phraseology, it's about "dying to the self" (denying the temptation of constant self-centeredness and selfishness) and being reborn in the faith, with daily motivation found from and intended focus on "things above": God, and what He is doing daily in this world and in my life. So this Lent, that's what I want to do--focus more on things above, rather than things here below.

And hopefully, this focus on higher things--on what God is doing daily in my life, about how I can serve Him better--will lead to a better life here on earth, one that is less centered on me and more centered on others. Serving and loving others is one of the highest pursuits in this life, and I want to give my all to that end.

So, adios, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. We'll talk again in about 40 days... or maybe not. This no-distractions thing is pretty awesome, once you get used to it. 

Just call me Goodyear.

Well, it's summer once again. The days are hot (literally), the nights are hot (literally), the humidity is humid (Florida. I shouldn't expect anything else).

So far, my good ol' summertime has consisted of getting my Master's degree from THE Florida State University (MASTER SANSONE!) and continuing to work part-time with the Student Activities Center here at FSU. I've been saying goodbye to my cohort buddies as they go off to start their new jobs, wishing them the BEST (because I know they'll be amazing!). I've been taking my weekends easy, catching up on some good books and great TV shows. I've also gotten to go back to the great state of Texas to celebrate a cousin's wedding, which was a perfect vacation.

But what my summer has not yet consisted of is getting a job. I promise this post won't be a whiny paean to how sad I am about not being gainfully (a.k.a. full-time) employed, so bear with me! :)

You remember rightly, I've been on this job search since January, steadily and faithfully writing more cover letters than I would have ever imagined, filling out applications, talking on phone interviews, and going to visit prospective schools. More than anything else in this process, I have LOVED meeting people--all of these interviews, whether they work out or not, have given me a great introduction to some of the amazing people who work in my field with me. And I'm reassured that, even when I don't get a "yes" from a school, I'm still building some great connections with my colleagues, doing that whole "networking" thing.

I've also been afforded some awesome introspection time during my job search. As I talk with each of these schools, and discuss with them how I might fit with their students, office, department, and institution, I must know myself as best I can, represent myself genuinely, and be open and ready for ANYTHING. I've been doing a LOT of reflection, and I can tell you that I have a lot better idea now than I did a few months ago about who I am, what I need and want out of a first job, and where I might want to be (literally and figuratively) in the coming year and in the future.

I won't lie to you, the job search is taking its toll on me. Getting a "no" is never easy, as anyone who has ever tried out for, applied for, or attempted to do anything can tell you. Multiple "no"s? Even rougher. But, for my fellow student affairs graduates out there who are still job searching, you're not alone. Don't be discouraged. We're in this together, friends! For ANYONE job searching or applying for different opportunities right now--I feel your pain. This process has good days and bad days; highs and lows; excitement AND disappointment.

Even with the lows, the disappointments, the "nos" I've received, though. I'm still keeping the faith. I'm still believing that everything is going to work out according to the big Master Plan; that I'm going to end up exactly where I need to be. Because, even with the "no"s, all I need is that one "YES."

I'll promise you again that you'll get to read an excited "YAY I GOT A JOB!" post when that moment happens, but until then, know that it's all going to be okay. If I've heard it said once during this past semester, I've heard it said a million times--I've gotta trust the process. And cliche as it might be, I think it's true--this job search is a proving ground for me (like those awesome Goodyear commercials where the cars fly over hills and take really sharp turns between cones in the desert). I've gotta take myself on some test runs, go over some sharp obstacles and check my endurance, to show off what I'm really made of.

Time to kick the tires and light the fires.