My #OneWord2018: Enough

The beginning of 2017 (hell, a lot of it, to be honest) was especially difficult for me. For that, and for many other reasons, I never got a chance to write a blog post about my OneWord Resolution for 2017: it was, "commitment."

I have a tradition of choosing OneWord Resolutions: see 2012 (Believe), 2013 (Center), 2014 (Simplicity), 2015 (Gratitude), and 2016 (Well). My hope with my 2017 word was to make a commitment to myself, to the important people in my life, and to the important things in life. Even with the trials 2017 brought, I ended the year feeling as though I had done almost all of that... except the commitment to self part.

Sure, I continued practicing gratitude; sure, I made time for some amazing adventures; sure, I even ran two half-marathons. But mentally? Emotionally? It was a struggle. Honestly, the best commitment I made to myself in 2017 was getting a counselor here in Charlotte. (PAUSING HERE: I cannot more highly recommend that everyone have someone to talk to, be it a counselor or a therapist or pastor or WHATEVER YOU NEED to get your stuff off your chest. And be honest - you have stuff. We all do. And your spouse/partner/best friend/parent, although certainly capable of unconditional love for you, IS NOT your therapist.)

So when I thought about what I needed in 2018, what I felt was lacking in my life AND what I thought I needed to shed... I kept coming back to the idea of sufficiency, of enough-ness.

All my live, I've striven for success; I am ambitious by nature (and proud to be so). I have accomplished many things that I can be proud of. And yet, I am my harshest critic. I speak to myself like I would speak to NO ONE ELSE in my life; I am the WORST at giving myself grace.

And yet, I've realized - if I'm not kind to myself, who else will be? I must first and foremost accept and love myself for who and what I am. If I want to be a role model for others who I love so much, I MUST practice loving myself first.

In the words of my (pretend-but-wish-she-was-actually-my) best friend, Amy Poehler,

"When the demon starts to slither my way and say bad sh*t about me I turn around and say, 'Hey. Cool it. Amy is my friend. Don't talk about her like that.' Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do. Sometimes it works."

I wanted to be honest and real - this is the real reasoning behind my #OneWord2018: enough. This year, I want to teach myself how to know that I am already enough.

enough - adj.

• occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations
• as much or as many as required

What does enough look like for me?

• Practicing my faith to remember that God is enough; His grace is enough; His provisions are just the right amount for each day
• "But when [the Israelites] measured [the manna] out, everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Each family had just what it needed." - Exodus 16:18
• "Each time [Christ] said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.'" - 2 Corinthians 12:9
• Being kinder to myself - speaking lovingly, accepting grace, and learning from my mistakes
• Resetting my approach to food and eating - coming at nourishing my body from a healthy, self-loving standpoint 
• Actually USING my vacation and sick time
• Finding an exercise routine that works for my schedule AND my brain
• Continuing counseling to talk out my stuff
• Resetting my approach to spending money and budgeting, to come from a place of plenty as opposed to a place of lack
• Spending time with family, friends, and loved ones

Even if your new year's resolutions differ, I invite you to join me in this journey toward enough.

30 Before 30: Update Number Two (and BACK from hiatus!)

Happy 2018, y'all, and happy 30th birthday year!

2017 kind of sucked, a lot, and for a lot of people, in small and VERY BIG ways. I was not without my share of sucky parts of 2017. But it was also a BIG learning year for me - the limits of my faith and my resilience were tested and stretched, and here I am, still standing as a new year has dawned.

I'm thankful for the pain of the past year, as much as it hurt, because I can feel that my spirit and my strength have just expanded and grown to include the pain as well as the joy. And whoa, what a rich depth of feeling that is. My heart feels more and more deeply as I grow older, and that's a gift I couldn't have anticipated.

With that being said, it's time for a 30 Before 30 update - we are t-minus 6 months(ish) 'til the big birthday!

First and foremost, I've had to face reality that there is NO WAY (for budgetary reasons) that I will accomplish everything on my original list before July. But with that being said, a friend suggested a brilliant transmutation of this list - it can continue to become a 30 During 30 list! So that's my plan - whatever I haven't accomplished before July, I will attempt to accomplish during my 30th year.

Without further ado, here are some updates on my list - what I've accomplished, what I'm in the midst of, and what I'll be accomplishing this year...

Cassidy's Thirty Before/During 30 (Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving) List, Update Number Two

(See update number one here)

ACCOMPLISHED: 6/30
1. Travel to London  - Completed Summer '17. To date, the BEST FREAKING TRIP OF MY LIFE.

4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - Completed Summer '17 (my Europe trip). 

8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - Completed Summer '17 (day-hiked 2 sections near Bland, VA with my mom!)

12. Run a half-marathon  - Completed x2! March '17 (Skidaway Island Half) & November '17 (Outer Banks Southern Fried Half)

16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - Completed December '17 - Doctor. Dentist. Optometrist. AND counselor. I adulted so hard, y'all.

20. Learn calligraphy - Completed August '17; I took a hand-lettering class locally. SO MUCH FUN.

IN PROGRESS/CONFIRMED TO HAPPEN: 4/30

3. Visit a state I’ve never been to before - my dear grad school roommate Ashlie is getting married this summer in Boise. Idaho, here I come!

10. Pay off half of total principal student loan balance - Not quite by July, but by August, I will be halfway done with paying off my principal balance, AND I'll make my last payment to one of the three companies which hold my loans. The weight is slowly lifting!

17. Complete a Whole 30/28-day Paleo (or similar) Challenge - I'm on Day 8 of my first Whole30 as I type this, and although I haven't seen any physical changes yet, I am enjoying cooking for myself, and it's been nice to eat food that actually fills me up.  Honestly, my favorite part of this one is being part of the community - there are so many people to commiserate with!

19. Try 30 new recipes - In progress, thanks to Whole30. If you're looking for some easy, yummy, and healthy recipes, definitely check out my friend Cassy's wonderful Fed + Fit blog - I've been doing my Whole30 mostly based on her recipes and I've LOVED them so far.

TOTAL: 10/30

I'm a third of the way through my list, y'all! 2018 has already been infinitely better than 2017, and with such excitement ahead of me, I can't wait to tackle the rest of this year as I embrace Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving. 

30 Before 30: Update Number One

Last year, right after my 28th birthday, I published a 30 Before 30 List, in preparation of celebrating my 30th birthday in 2018. We're 19 days shy of my 29th birthday, and I've already crossed a few items off my list (or will soon), so I wanted to share a status update!

Cassidy's Thirty Before 30 (Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving) List:

TRAVEL
1. Travel to London - In 17 days, I'll be getting on a plane for Europe! After a year of saving money, I'm taking a 9-day trip to Dublin AND London... all by myself. (Well, mostly by myself - in Dublin I'll be traveling alone; in London I'm staying with my cousin and her family, which will be a FABULOUS and long-needed visit.) I'll spend 3 nights in Dublin, and 5 in London, and I cannot WAIT for this trip. Look for a more detailed recap of my trip when I return... it'll be chock-full of awesomeness and history and sightseeing and FOOD, glorious food.

4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - Knowing how expensive data is in Europe, and how much I don't want to rely on wifi, I'm planning to take my no-email vacation simultaneously with my Europe trip. I'm out for a long time - 9 days - but I truly want to enjoy this time abroad, and I trust my co-workers and students implicitly to handle things while I'm gone :)

EXPERIENCES
8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - Although it won't be backpacking in the strictest sense - I am NOT a camping person (bugs.) - next weekend, my mom and I are taking a girls' trip to Bland, Virginia to spend the WHOLE weekend hiking the AT! We'll do day hikes throughout the weekend, seeing as much of the trail as we can. I can't wait for bonding time AND outdoors time.

WELLNESS
12. Run a half-marathon - Done. And. Done. As of March 25, I completed my first half marathon. It was both fun and grueling, and just addicting enough for me to have signed up for a second half in November. That's right - I'll be doing a SECOND half before my 30th birthday, that I'll begin training for in just a couple weeks. Apparently I'm crazy. It's fine.

16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - Doctor's appointment - check. Dentist... still needs to happen. (I KNOW. I KNOW.) I'm also planning on adding counseling to this list - I need to take care of my mental and emotional wellness just as much as my physical, and this summer would be a good time to do some check-ins with a counselor. Look for further updates on this one later!



I still have quite a few items to accomplish on this list, but thankfully, I have more than a year to check some things off. Look for further updates later on this fall. :)

Why Things are On Your Mind

It's been a bit since I've posted, hasn't it? 2017 has been a roller coaster of a year so far, with lots of personal ups and downs. But as we move toward mid-year, I've been feeling stronger and better, with lots to look forward to. I hope to write more on the blog this summer - with a 30 Before 30 update, as well as some travel recaps and some reflection and plans for the future.

Currently, it's summer, which means that the nature of my work on a college campus shifts and changes. I'm much more project-focused in the summer; the day-to-day event and advising grind is minimal, and we can take a step back to focus on some big-picture thinking.

One of my projects for the summer is to read Getting Things Done, a productivity-focused book that came to me highly recommended by some friends and colleagues. Although I'm an active Bullet Journal user and lover of all things organization, I'm also a recovering procrastinator (Hi, my name is Cassidy, and I'm a Procrastinator), and I'm always on the lookout for systems, tips, and tricks to help me focus and get things done. Thus, reading this book!

I'm reading a little bit at a time, and in the introduction to the GTD system, the author, David Allen, talks about the importance of getting things OFF your mind in order to clear it, so you can then focus on getting things done.

His theory about WHY things are on your mind really resonated with me. I've quoted it here:

Most often, the reason something is on your mind is that you want it to be different than it currently is, and yet:

• you haven't clarified exactly what the intended outcome is; 

•  you haven't decided what the very next physical action step is; and/or

• you haven't put reminders of the outcome and the action required in a system you trust. 

 First, let's talk about that deep why: "the reason something is on your mind is that you want it to be different than it currently is."

Whoa.

From feeling guilty about not writing in this blog more, to wanting to work out and get in shape, to stressing over my to-do list at work, I constantly live in a world where I want things to be different than they are (and by different, I usually mean better). My intentions are so pure; I want to make a difference; I want to be a person of integrity; I want to be joyful; and yet...

• I haven't clarified exactly what the intended outcome is

Feeling guilt about neglecting this blog is NOT doing anything to move me toward my intended outcome - publishing regularly on this blog. And yet, by naming that outcome, I relieve some stress - I have identified the specific thing that I would like to be different. That idea can feel big sometimes, though, which leads to...

• I haven't decided what the next physical action step is

If all I do is bug myself about "writing more," but haven't given myself the specific task of "write a blog post NOW," or "tomorrow" - if I haven't given myself a small, manageable, action-step-chunk to work on - then my intended outcome won't be reached, and the Thing will still be On My Mind. Then, of course, there's...

• I haven't put reminders of the outcome and the action required to meet it in a system I trust

The jury's still out on this one - I look forward to continuing to read this book and see what system that Allen recommends to Get Things Done.

But actually writing this blog post and this post's content were both inspired by an exercise that Allen runs through, and I'll leave you with this method, and encourage you to think on what's On Your Mind:

I suggest that you write down the project or situation that is most on your mind at this moment. What most bugs you, distracts you, or interests you, or in some other way consumes a large part of your conscious attention? It may be a project or problem that is really "in your face,' something you are being pressed to handle, or a situation you feel you must deal with sooner rather than later.

...Got it? Good. Now, describe, in a single written sentence, your intended successful outcome for this problem or situation. In other words, what would need to happen for you to check this project off as "done"?

...Now write down the very next physical action required to move the situation forward. If you had nothing else to do in your life but get closure on this, what visible action would you take right now? Would you call or text someone? Write an email?

...Got an answer to that? Good.

Was there any value for you in those two minutes of thinking? If you're like the vast majority of people who complete that drill in our seminars, you'll be experiencing at least a tiny bit of enhanced control, relaxation, and focus. You'll also be feeling more motivated to actually do something about that situation you've merely been thinking about till now. 

So, what's been on your mind? Why?

And We'll All Float On Okay

As I move toward the end of the calendar year, and the middle of my second year in my current job, and the end of my twenties, I find myself not really working toward anything... big.

Well. I shouldn't knock my 30 Before 30 List - I have a lot of goals, even more than what the list mentions. And I'm well on my way to tackling quite a few of them - I'm working hard to be ready for my half marathon in March; I'm well on my way to my savings goal for my summer 2017 London trip; I'm trying to get up the courage to finally get my tattoo. A lot of the items on the list are big goals, and I shouldn't downplay them.

But I don't really have a plan right now.

I had a really great phone conversation with a friend yesterday, who was pondering their current lack of a life plan. "I always have to have a plan," they said.

Me? I've never been much of a "life plan" type of person. Sure, I set goals for myself. But I've found that, whenever I try to make big "life plans," God likes to laugh at me, and then the plan gets totally upended. And then I end up somewhere unexpected, like graduate school in Florida. Or working in higher education in Bloomington, Indiana.

So, I stopped trying to make big plans. They just don't work for me.

But I find myself reflecting - does a lack of a plan make me purposeless? (It sure feels like it sometimes!)

I don't really know what my Purpose is here on earth (and I don't really expect to ever find it out in this life), so I usually find myself trusting God and doing the best I can.

And I guess, that's my question. Is figuring it out day by day enough of a purpose? Is it acceptable to enjoy life as it comes, and do my best to do my best? To work toward living a life of contentment and joy? To surround myself with the people I love, and do the things I like?

For now, I feel like it is enough.

They say when you're caught in an undertow, you shouldn't fight the current, but rather swim along with it. Wherever this current is ultimately going to take me, I find myself enjoying just... floating along.

Adulting.

Yesterday, I adulted. And I mean HARD CORE adulted. I was awake at 7:00am (on a SATURDAY, y'all). I went to the DMV to renew my car registration. I went to Sam's Club to buy new tires. (Ouch.) I dropped off some dry cleaning. I ran 3.5 miles, as part of my half marathon training. And I deep-cleaned my guest bedroom and bathroom (any visitors?).

The best part: I did all of this before noon. ON A SATURDAY.

I don't even know who I am anymore, y'all.

Well, that's not true, to an extent. I know exactly who I am - I'm Cassidy, and I'm finally practicing adulting.

When the college students with whom I work start complaining about how hard life is (as we all tend to do, let's be honest), I remind them that they're adults now, and that being an adult consists of two key truths that I've learned over the past few years, since I was a college student myself.

Here are these truths, which are actually corollaries of each other:
1) Being an adult means that you have to make yourself do things you don't want to do. All the time.

When you were younger, the people who raised you probably did a lot of things for you - they would make your doctor's appointments, or pay your living costs/bills, or make your lunch for you to take to school.

When you're an adult, there's no one to do this for you. (Probably.) You have to schedule that dentist appointment you've been putting off for 3 years. You have to re-register your car at the DMV (and pay property taxes... ouch). You have to wash those dishes that have been sitting in your sink since Tuesday. You're the only person that's responsible for your life now... so do the thing. It sucks, but you're the person who can and should do it.

2) Being an adult means that you're allowed to make whatever choices you want... but you have to live with the consequences of those choices.

As you got older, you probably had to start doing a lot of the aforementioned chores for yourself, but there would be consequences if you didn't. Clean your room, or no TV. Mow the lawn, or you're grounded.  When you're an adult, a lot of times, these consequences aren't as apparent, because a lot of times, no one external is setting them for you.

Listen, the first time I realized that I could let my dishes sit in the sink for a week, I was ecstatic. Washing dishes is mundane, tedious, and sometimes icky. I didn't have a parent or roommate shooting me dirty looks for leaving them sitting; I didn't face no TV or no cell phone for not getting them done. It was magic. But after a few days, those dishes start smelling. Fruit flies may show up. And eventually, you run out of dishes.

I made a choice not to wash my dishes, but then I had to live with the consequences of not washing them - no clean dishes. An even dirtier kitchen. And those consequences, honestly, were worse than if I had just bit the bullet and cleaned them.

This is such a metaphor for adulthood it's not even funny - oftentimes, the immediate action of doing something may be distasteful, or hard, or you may be unsure of how to do it. But the reality is, the consequence of not doing the thing is 99.9% percent of the time WAY worse than doing the thing in the moment.

Sure, I can choose not to go to the doctor or dentist. But what problems are going to be worse because I'm not discovering them early? Sure, I can procrastinate on getting my car's registration renewed. But when I get a ticket for an out-of-date registration, whose fault is that? Adulthood is about facing choices, and making decisions, and then dealing with the consequences.

~

I'm still learning these lessons; I'm by no means perfect. I may have renewed my car registration yesterday; I haven't gone to the dentist in years (I'll spare you the details on how long it's been). I may have deep-cleaned my guest bedroom and bathroom; I still need to vacuum the rest of my apartment and clean my kitchen.

In the end, what I'm really working on is not feeling guilt for the things left undone; rather, I'm attempting to be proud of the progress I've made. Sure, I may slip and make a mistake, but I'm still growing and learning from those mistakes. Every small victory is still a victory - as my friend Ashlie says, "A baby shark is still a shark." Any bit of progress, however small, is still a step forward. And that's something to be proud of.

Thirty Before 30: Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

We're post-birthday and post-August, which in higher ed world is one of the busiest times of year, so I figured I should rev up the ol' blog once again. I turned 28 in July, so I'm one step closer to the big 3-0 (22 months and 6 days, to be exact).

With that being said, I decided to sit down and make my Thirty Before 30 List (two months AFTER my birthday). I've set some pretty big goals, as you'll see below, and I wanted to give myself a reasonable amount of time - July 2018 - to accomplish them. (After all, my goals must be SMART, right? #educatorjokes)

Without further ado, here's the list; expect blog posts as I accomplish these goals!

Cassidy's Thirty Before 30 (Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving) List:

TRAVEL

1. Travel to London - I'm such an Anglophile, and I have family living in London Town - there's no reason I shouldn't do this. In fact, I'm planning to check this off the list next summer! :)
2. Travel to Rome - Between my Italian heritage, my somewhat limited knowledge of the Italian language (I took it in college and am a little rusty), and my love of history, I crave a visit to La Citta Eterna. I may make this my 30th Birthday Gift to myself... TBD.
3. Visit a state I’ve never been to before - I love traveling domestically in the U.S.; I'd like to expand my list of states visited. On the docket: Massachusetts (Boston), Idaho (Boise), and/or Utah (Zion National Park). Open to suggestions :)
4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - I am incredibly guilty of not fully being on vacation when I go on vacation. I want to challenge myself to turn off email for the duration of a WHOLE vacation, and to truly live in and enjoy the moment.

EXPERIENCES

5. Ride in a hot air balloon - I am terrified of heights but also love the view from up top. I want to ride in a hot air balloon SO bad, and to try not to have a panic attack the whole time.
6. Hike a 14-er - Again, love being up high but I am terrified of heights. But I also love climbing mountains, and the West has a plethora of great destination hikes. I'd like to bag at least one 14-er (a mountain over 14,000 feet above sea level) before I hit the big 3-0.
7. Get a tattoo - I've wanted the same tattoo for about 5 years. It's time to pull the trigger.
8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - The Appalachians are my mountain range; I feel at home when I'm there. I want to channel my best Cheryl Strayed and get on the AT for several days/a week. Travel buddies welcome!
9. Plan an amazing 30th Birthday Celebration/Trip - I want to go BIG for 30. See above note about Rome. I'm open to suggestions/travel buddies on this one, too :)

MONEY

10. Pay off half of total principal student loan balance - I took out a lot of student loans, and I want to be out of debt SOON. By the time I turn 30 I'll be 6 years into repayment, so I'd like to be halfway done paying back my principal by my 30th birthday. It'll take some finagling & some real dedication with my budgeting, but debt is terrible, so it'll be worth it.
11. Go on a month-long spending cleanse - I want to accomplish this one sooner rather than later. I need to refocus my budgeting (especially if I'm wanting to travel AND take down my debt). I want to think really critically about how I spend my money - and not spend for a month, so I know what I need vs. what I want.

WELLNESS

12. Run a half-marathon - I've toyed with running since college, but never committed to a long distance. Now's the time. My parents and I are, as of today, signed up for a half marathon in March of 2017. Wish me luck!
13. Figure out and stick to regular workout regimen - I am TERRIBLE at staying in shape, because I hate most forms of working out. I want to figure out what works for me AND make it a habit by the time I turn 30.
14. Complete a 30-day yoga challenge - I love yoga but haven't made a habit of it. Many studios offer a "30-day challenge" of practicing every day for a month; I can always do with more centering.
15. Find & attend a home church regularly - I've lived in Charlotte for over a year and still haven't made the commitment to a home church... yet!
16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - I haven't gone to the doctor (any doctor) or dentist in... a while. I will spare you the details. But I need to be a grown-up and schedule appointments for myself. (It's getting embarrassing.)
17. Complete a Whole 30/28-day Paleo (or similar) Challenge - I believe in moderation and portion control with food, but I also want to learn how to be more conscious of what I eat and how it makes me feel. I think a 28-day or 30-day challenge would be just the thing for me to thoughtfully eat better.

LEARNING

18. Learn how to water-ski - I've now snow-skied, and skiing on flat(ish) water is WAYYYY less terrifying than falling down a mountain.
19. Try 30 new recipes - I am able to cook; I'm often too lazy to do so. I have tons of Pinterest recipes ready to go. This one should be a breeze.
20. Learn calligraphy - I love the act of writing and can fake calligraphy script really well. I'd love to take a class on how to do it properly!
21. Learn how to rock climb - See above for sentiments about being terrified of heights but loving the view, and workin' on my fitness. (There's a metaphor for another blog post in there somewhere.)
22. Decide on a Ph.D. program (even if I’m not ready to apply for it yet) - I know I want a Ph.D.; I just need to figure out what it'll be and where I'd like to apply.
23. Learn how to apply lipstick - I have my daily makeup routine down, and yet, I CANNOT make lipstick stick. Ever. This is #lifegoals before 30.

ART/CULTURE

24. Attend a professional ballet performance (other than “The Nutcracker”) - I danced for 15 years and adore ballet, and yet have never seen a professional performance other than The Nutcracker. No more.
25. See Beyonce in concert (if she tours) - For as much as I love Queen Bey, I've yet to commit to a concert of hers. If she tours again in the next two years, I'm going, no questions asked.
26. Watch all of the AFI Top 100 Films - I love movies; I need to see more of the classics.
27. Join a choir - I miss choir, more than I ever thought I would. I'd love to find one as a hobby.

SERVICE

28. Volunteer with Girls on the Run - Girls on the Run is a nonprofit organization that I'm a huge fan of for a number of reasons (including that it's my sorority's philanthropy organization). I would love to get more involved as a volunteer, whether that's as a coach, running buddy, or simply a regular 5K volunteer.
29. Solidify & stay constant with volunteering role(s) with Gamma Phi Beta - Gamma Phi is my sorority and is a life-long commitment; I need to figure out what that commitment looks like and make it stick!
30. Complete 30 Random Acts of Kindness - Giving back to others means the world to me; I want to make the world a little happier in the next couple of years. It's the least I can do.