My #OneWord2019: Focus

I can't believe 2018 is over.

I always say that at the end of one year and beginning of another, but truly, I feel as though I blinked and New Year's Day had arrived.

My 2018 was FULL. Full of life, learning, love... it was a year that I promised myself would be about finding "enough." I wanted to focus on myself, not in a selfish way, but in a self-care way. I wanted to explore what was physically enough for me and test my relationship with food. I wanted to continue to seek work/life balance and harmony, and actually take vacation days. I promised myself I would continue going to see my counselor, I would travel to see friends, and above all else, that I would be kinder to myself - to speak lovingly and to accept grace from and for myself.

I accomplished most of these goals. My 2018 was full of experiences, small and large. I lost (and gained) weight. I spoke to myself more kindly and encouragingly. I traveled to new places and tried new things. I met an incredible man (and his dog) who have turned my life upside-down in the best way. I accepted a job back home in Texas (and can no longer call myself an ex-pat; I'm HOME). I gained a fantastic sister-in-law (I can take no credit for her, but I adore her, so she gets to go in this list). Yes, 2018 was one for the books.

At my end-of-year reckoning, I celebrated all of these wins, and I also considered the things I still have yet to accomplish. Like a typical Enneagram Type 2 (something I've been learning about recently), I found my other-centric goals easy to accomplish, but I found the goals around self-care and self-love hardest of all. So as I looked at 2019, I knew that focusing on myself still needed to be on the agenda.

As many know, I have been picking a word of the year since 2012.

[2012 - Believe; 2013 - Center; 2014 - Simplicity; 2015 - Gratitude; 2016 - Well; 2017 - Commitment; 2018 - Enough]

This year, my OneWord is focus.

My commitment to myself, my resolutions and goals for this year, revolve around the idea of concentrating, of directing my attention, of emphasizing, of finding clear perception, around and on the most important things in life. 

As I was researching potential words, I looked into their etymology (of course I did). And I discovered that focus is from the Latin for "hearth." A hearth is a focal point, a center, of a home. When it is warm and clean and tended to, it's fulfilling its purpose. It is bright and shining; it is providing warmth and comfort for others. When it is dirty and ashy and cold, no one is gathering around it; it is not sustaining anyone.

It's on me to keep my home fire burning, to keep my hearth clean and inviting, for myself and for others. I have to nourish my own spirit; I have to fill my own bucket; I have to tend to my own flame.

My goals for this year include:

• Finding a home church and regularly attending (and really, plugging back into my relationship with God)
• Picking running back up, and running at least one half-marathon
• Eating well enough: an "80/20" lifestyle, where most of my food is healthy but I'm allowed the things I love
• Ending the year with one month's salary in my "do not touch" savings account
• Find and regularly visit a counselor in my new city
• Keeping on growing in love & kindness with my awesome boyfriend

Here's to you, 2019! Let's make this year a good one.

30 During 30: The Officially Thirty Update

It's happened - I am officially 30 years old. (Thirty, flirty, and thriving to be precise.) I had the best birthday - my Mom took me on a surprise trip to Aspen, CO, where we:

• Ate delicious food
• Shopped 'til we dropped
• Hiked multiple local sites (including the Ute Trail and Maroon Bells)
• Went Whitewater Rafting (SO FUN Y'ALL)
• SUMMITED A 14ER!

Now that I'm actually 30, and now that I've accomplished some more on my #30Before30 #30During30 List, I figured I'd provide a quick update so y'all can see how I'm doing! 

Realistically speaking, I don't think I'll get to everything on this list, and honestly, some of my priorities have changed in the 2 years since I wrote this list. But it's such a nice tracker of all the wonderful blessings I have in my life - family, friends, travel, and amazing experiences.

Original List Here
First Update Here

Cassidy's 30 During 30 List: The Officially Thirty Update

ACCOMPLISHED: 15/30
1. Travel to London - Completed Summer '17. To date, the BEST FREAKING TRIP OF MY LIFE.
3. Visit a state I’ve never been to before - Completed June '18. I traveled to Boise, ID this summer to marry one of my best friends, my grad school roommate Ashlie, and her lovely husband Chris. SUCH a fun trip, and I may or may not have fallen in love with Boise!
4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - Completed Summer '17 (my Europe trip).
6. Hike a 14er - Completed July '18! This one wasn't planned, but was a wonderful happenstance - while on my 30th birthday trip to Aspen, my Mom met a random fellow traveler at our hotel who had summited several 14ers, and who let her know that one of the easiest ones, Mount Bierstadt, was on the way back to Denver from Aspen. So Mom and I dedicated a day (it took us 7 hours to hike the 7-mile round trip) to summiting this 14,065' peak. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done - I got heat exhaustion on the way down - but dang if it wasn't one of the COOLEST THINGS I'VE EVER DONE TOO!
8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - Completed Summer '17 (day-hiked 2 sections near Bland, VA with my mom!)
9. Plan an amazing 30th Birthday Celebration/Trip - Completed July '18. I ended up having less control over this one - as mentioned before, my Mom took me on a surprise trip to Aspen, CO! I knew we were going on a trip, but not the destination. Mom dropped a couple of (very obscure) hints in the month prior, but I didn't find out until the morning of that we were off to Aspen (where the beer flows like wine and where the beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano). We had such a good time!
10. Pay off half of total principal student loan balance - This is basically done (as of August '18), so I'm calling it a win. As of next month, I will be halfway done paying off my principal loan balance! AND, to make it even sweeter, I am currently DONE with payments to one of the three companies which hold my loans. The weight is slowly lifting!
12. Run a half-marathon - Completed x2! March '17 (Skidaway Island Half) & November '17 (Outer Banks Southern Fried Half)
16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - Completed December '17 - Doctor. Dentist. Optometrist. AND counselor. I adulted so hard, y'all.
17. Complete a Whole 30/28-day Paleo (or similar) Challenge - Completed with great success as of February '18. I'll be starting another one in mid-August, to get back on track for the school year (and to look cute before my brother's wedding!).
18. Learn how to water-ski - Completed July '18. Okay, this one is cheating, but it's my list, so I don't care. I am changing this one, because I don't realistically think I will have a chance to learn how to water-ski in the next year. But you know what I have done TWICE this year? Go whitewater rafting - once at the U.S. National Whitewater Center here in Charlotte, and once on my birthday in Colorado. So even though it's not exactly the same thing (ok fine, it's nowhere close to the same thing), I'm still gonna mark this one as completed. (My list, my rules.)
19. Try 30 new recipes - Completed during Whole 30 as of February '18.
20. Learn calligraphy - Completed August '17; I took a hand-lettering class locally. SO MUCH FUN.
28. Volunteer with Girls on the Run - Completed as of May '18. I finally got to sign up to be a 5K volunteer, and LOVED getting to cheer on all the girls as they completed their race. It was so thrilling to watch a giant group of girls feel empowered and have fun while being healthy. I'll definitely keep volunteering at the biannual races here in Charlotte!
29. Solidify & stay constant with volunteering role(s) with Gamma Phi Beta - Currently completed - I've finally taken my role down to just one: President of our Charlotte Alumnae Chapter. Although I still want to accomplish so much more in the role, we've had a few social events this year, and I have a wonderful group of local sisters who are engaged and excited to network with each other. It feels good to have nailed this one down.


IN PROGRESS/CONFIRMED TO HAPPEN: 1/30
25. See Beyonce in concert (if she tours) - As you may or may not know, The Carters are currently on their On the Run II Tour, and EMILY JOYNTON AND I ARE SEEING THE QUEEN ON JULY 30 IN PHILADELPHIA! Words CANNOT express how psyched I am for this show (and visiting dear Emily, of course - love you, girl).


TOTAL: 16/30 Over halfway there, y'all!

Enough, Part One: Whole30

As part of my 30 Before/During 30 List, I had promised myself that I would take on a Whole30 or 28-Day Paleo challenge.

Why?

Well, to be honest, I haven't been feeling great about myself. I'm in okay shape - I did run two half-marathons last year - but I don't eat well. And, as I'm learning (more on this later), food matters, not only for nourishing my body, but also for improving my mood and my energy.

Ultimately, on my 2018 journey toward defining myself as "enough," I want to reset my approach to food. Part of this, I'll be honest, is for the potential effects it has on my body - who doesn't want to shed a few pounds? (HINT: I DO, IDEALLY IN THE EASIEST WAY POSSIBLE.) But as I started doing research into the possible benefits of taking on a Whole30, I saw that improved mood, increased energy, better sleep, and a decreased dependency on sugar/carbs/empty foods are often outcomes of such a commitment.

And so, the second week of January, I dove in.

For those who aren't familiar, Whole30 is a month-long detox/reset which cuts out often-inflammatory and over-processed foods, and requires its adherents to stick as much as possible to whole, unprocessed ingredients. It cuts out grains, dairy, alcohol, legumes, and added sugar, with the goal of resetting your body and your gut to rely on the simplest and most whole nutrients. At the end of the 30 days, of course, you can slowly add back in the "no-no" ingredients. But taking on a Whole30 is a commitment to replacing easy and over-processed food with whole and nutritious food that's ultimately better for you.

Even more, Whole30 asks you to change your mindset. The creator, Melissa Hartwig, encourages adherents to cut out comfort/copycat foods, even if they are compliant, because if you indulge in "healthy" binge foods, you're still letting your body give in to the cravings. You're allowed to eat fruit on Whole30 (one of the few naturally sugar-filled foods you're allowed to consume), but you're encouraged to do so mindfully - are you eating it to balance a meal, or to fulfill a sugar craving?

So, as 2018 dawned, I saw my chance to commit to this diet. Thanks to my friend Cassy Garcia's Fed + Fit cookbook, Pinterest, and tons of friends who have been down this road before (Emili, Kristin, Concetta, SaDonna, and tons of others I can't think of right now), I got rolling with my Whole30.

As part of the process, I:

• threw out almost all of my non-compliant foods so I wouldn't be tempted during the 30 days (thanks to my work wife Morgan for taking that Kraft mac-n-cheese off my hands)
• took measurements (even though the benefits of Whole30 are psychological as well as physical, I certainly wanted to know if the program would have any effect on my body)
• took "before" photos (ditto above - I wanted to see if my bloating decreased at the end of the 30 days)
• tried out different workout classes at the gym on campus (I pay for a membership; I need to be using it!)
• started a habit of sitting down every weekend, planning meals (and leftovers) for the rest of the week in a handy Google spreadsheet, and going shopping 

Now, at the end of February, I'm all finished with the reset, and... well, whoa is all I can say.

I knew that my dependence on food (to make me feel better, to keep me from being bored, etc) had gotten bad. I knew I ate OKAY, but that I had no problem with indulging in sugary or empty calorie foods. I knew that I had gained some weight, and I knew that my mood had been VERY up and down.

But until I made a point of breaking myself of these food habits, I had no idea how much the food I was eating was affecting me, mentally and physically. Until I went cold-turkey, I had no idea how much I was depending on high sugar and sodium contents to briefly boost me (before I came crashing down again). I was numb to how I felt after eating, and I had no real sense of portion control, eating until I got TOO full (instead of to repletion).

Whole30 did all that for me. I'll be honest, I doubted its effects... until now, when I'm:

• consistently happier, or at least not wildly swinging from mood to mood
• sleeping like a CHAMP
• craving less sugar
• not snacking at all
• down 8 1/4" (yes, that's right - I lost more than 8" total in ~30 days. WITHOUT EXERCISE.)

Shockingly, I'm actually loving the habit of cooking for myself and meal planning for the week. It lessens my stress and ensures that I'm taking care of myself in a consistent way; it also means I'm eating out at restaurants FAR less.

As I've reintroduced foods, I'm discovering what doesn't seem to affect me at all (rice; butter; gluten in small doses), what slows me down or makes me feel sluggish (half and half in my coffee; too much sugar, like in a dessert), and what I really can't handle (it broke my heart, but I had a slice of pizza 2 days ago and within 10 minutes my stomach was hurting - I think the combination of it all was just TOO much). 

It must be said, Whole30 is NOT a perfect system. It's definitely for more privileged folks, and it is NOT for everyone:

1) It's EXPENSIVE to only eat fresh, whole, "compliant" ingredients (avocado-based mayonnaise is $10 per jar at Whole Foods, compared to $3 for the basic stuff. gross, right?)

2) It takes SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT - to find recipes, to plan grocery trips, to read ingredient labels, and to prepare and cook food

3) The reintroduction process is HARD - they tell you to only try to reintroduce 1 ingredient at a time, but that's not easy to do! (For example, when I ate pizza, I have no idea what made it unpleasant - the gluten, the dairy, the processed ingredients, the high fat content, or all of the above?)

All that being said, I am amazed at the results of this experiment. So much so, that I plan to keep eating as clean as I can - cutting out added sugar, an excess of dairy and gluten, and processed ingredients as much as possible.

That's the real, truly amazing part of all of this - I had no idea that I was capable of this kind of self-control, or this kind of commitment. But I had it within me all along. 

My #OneWord2018: Enough

The beginning of 2017 (hell, a lot of it, to be honest) was especially difficult for me. For that, and for many other reasons, I never got a chance to write a blog post about my OneWord Resolution for 2017: it was, "commitment."

I have a tradition of choosing OneWord Resolutions: see 2012 (Believe), 2013 (Center), 2014 (Simplicity), 2015 (Gratitude), and 2016 (Well). My hope with my 2017 word was to make a commitment to myself, to the important people in my life, and to the important things in life. Even with the trials 2017 brought, I ended the year feeling as though I had done almost all of that... except the commitment to self part.

Sure, I continued practicing gratitude; sure, I made time for some amazing adventures; sure, I even ran two half-marathons. But mentally? Emotionally? It was a struggle. Honestly, the best commitment I made to myself in 2017 was getting a counselor here in Charlotte. (PAUSING HERE: I cannot more highly recommend that everyone have someone to talk to, be it a counselor or a therapist or pastor or WHATEVER YOU NEED to get your stuff off your chest. And be honest - you have stuff. We all do. And your spouse/partner/best friend/parent, although certainly capable of unconditional love for you, IS NOT your therapist.)

So when I thought about what I needed in 2018, what I felt was lacking in my life AND what I thought I needed to shed... I kept coming back to the idea of sufficiency, of enough-ness.

All my live, I've striven for success; I am ambitious by nature (and proud to be so). I have accomplished many things that I can be proud of. And yet, I am my harshest critic. I speak to myself like I would speak to NO ONE ELSE in my life; I am the WORST at giving myself grace.

And yet, I've realized - if I'm not kind to myself, who else will be? I must first and foremost accept and love myself for who and what I am. If I want to be a role model for others who I love so much, I MUST practice loving myself first.

In the words of my (pretend-but-wish-she-was-actually-my) best friend, Amy Poehler,

"When the demon starts to slither my way and say bad sh*t about me I turn around and say, 'Hey. Cool it. Amy is my friend. Don't talk about her like that.' Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do. Sometimes it works."

I wanted to be honest and real - this is the real reasoning behind my #OneWord2018: enough. This year, I want to teach myself how to know that I am already enough.

enough - adj.

• occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations
• as much or as many as required

What does enough look like for me?

• Practicing my faith to remember that God is enough; His grace is enough; His provisions are just the right amount for each day
• "But when [the Israelites] measured [the manna] out, everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Each family had just what it needed." - Exodus 16:18
• "Each time [Christ] said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.'" - 2 Corinthians 12:9
• Being kinder to myself - speaking lovingly, accepting grace, and learning from my mistakes
• Resetting my approach to food and eating - coming at nourishing my body from a healthy, self-loving standpoint 
• Actually USING my vacation and sick time
• Finding an exercise routine that works for my schedule AND my brain
• Continuing counseling to talk out my stuff
• Resetting my approach to spending money and budgeting, to come from a place of plenty as opposed to a place of lack
• Spending time with family, friends, and loved ones

Even if your new year's resolutions differ, I invite you to join me in this journey toward enough.

30 Before 30: Update Number Two (and BACK from hiatus!)

Happy 2018, y'all, and happy 30th birthday year!

2017 kind of sucked, a lot, and for a lot of people, in small and VERY BIG ways. I was not without my share of sucky parts of 2017. But it was also a BIG learning year for me - the limits of my faith and my resilience were tested and stretched, and here I am, still standing as a new year has dawned.

I'm thankful for the pain of the past year, as much as it hurt, because I can feel that my spirit and my strength have just expanded and grown to include the pain as well as the joy. And whoa, what a rich depth of feeling that is. My heart feels more and more deeply as I grow older, and that's a gift I couldn't have anticipated.

With that being said, it's time for a 30 Before 30 update - we are t-minus 6 months(ish) 'til the big birthday!

First and foremost, I've had to face reality that there is NO WAY (for budgetary reasons) that I will accomplish everything on my original list before July. But with that being said, a friend suggested a brilliant transmutation of this list - it can continue to become a 30 During 30 list! So that's my plan - whatever I haven't accomplished before July, I will attempt to accomplish during my 30th year.

Without further ado, here are some updates on my list - what I've accomplished, what I'm in the midst of, and what I'll be accomplishing this year...

Cassidy's Thirty Before/During 30 (Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving) List, Update Number Two

(See update number one here)

ACCOMPLISHED: 6/30
1. Travel to London  - Completed Summer '17. To date, the BEST FREAKING TRIP OF MY LIFE.

4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - Completed Summer '17 (my Europe trip). 

8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - Completed Summer '17 (day-hiked 2 sections near Bland, VA with my mom!)

12. Run a half-marathon  - Completed x2! March '17 (Skidaway Island Half) & November '17 (Outer Banks Southern Fried Half)

16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - Completed December '17 - Doctor. Dentist. Optometrist. AND counselor. I adulted so hard, y'all.

20. Learn calligraphy - Completed August '17; I took a hand-lettering class locally. SO MUCH FUN.

IN PROGRESS/CONFIRMED TO HAPPEN: 4/30

3. Visit a state I’ve never been to before - my dear grad school roommate Ashlie is getting married this summer in Boise. Idaho, here I come!

10. Pay off half of total principal student loan balance - Not quite by July, but by August, I will be halfway done with paying off my principal balance, AND I'll make my last payment to one of the three companies which hold my loans. The weight is slowly lifting!

17. Complete a Whole 30/28-day Paleo (or similar) Challenge - I'm on Day 8 of my first Whole30 as I type this, and although I haven't seen any physical changes yet, I am enjoying cooking for myself, and it's been nice to eat food that actually fills me up.  Honestly, my favorite part of this one is being part of the community - there are so many people to commiserate with!

19. Try 30 new recipes - In progress, thanks to Whole30. If you're looking for some easy, yummy, and healthy recipes, definitely check out my friend Cassy's wonderful Fed + Fit blog - I've been doing my Whole30 mostly based on her recipes and I've LOVED them so far.

TOTAL: 10/30

I'm a third of the way through my list, y'all! 2018 has already been infinitely better than 2017, and with such excitement ahead of me, I can't wait to tackle the rest of this year as I embrace Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving. 

30 Before 30: Update Number One

Last year, right after my 28th birthday, I published a 30 Before 30 List, in preparation of celebrating my 30th birthday in 2018. We're 19 days shy of my 29th birthday, and I've already crossed a few items off my list (or will soon), so I wanted to share a status update!

Cassidy's Thirty Before 30 (Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving) List:

TRAVEL
1. Travel to London - In 17 days, I'll be getting on a plane for Europe! After a year of saving money, I'm taking a 9-day trip to Dublin AND London... all by myself. (Well, mostly by myself - in Dublin I'll be traveling alone; in London I'm staying with my cousin and her family, which will be a FABULOUS and long-needed visit.) I'll spend 3 nights in Dublin, and 5 in London, and I cannot WAIT for this trip. Look for a more detailed recap of my trip when I return... it'll be chock-full of awesomeness and history and sightseeing and FOOD, glorious food.

4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - Knowing how expensive data is in Europe, and how much I don't want to rely on wifi, I'm planning to take my no-email vacation simultaneously with my Europe trip. I'm out for a long time - 9 days - but I truly want to enjoy this time abroad, and I trust my co-workers and students implicitly to handle things while I'm gone :)

EXPERIENCES
8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - Although it won't be backpacking in the strictest sense - I am NOT a camping person (bugs.) - next weekend, my mom and I are taking a girls' trip to Bland, Virginia to spend the WHOLE weekend hiking the AT! We'll do day hikes throughout the weekend, seeing as much of the trail as we can. I can't wait for bonding time AND outdoors time.

WELLNESS
12. Run a half-marathon - Done. And. Done. As of March 25, I completed my first half marathon. It was both fun and grueling, and just addicting enough for me to have signed up for a second half in November. That's right - I'll be doing a SECOND half before my 30th birthday, that I'll begin training for in just a couple weeks. Apparently I'm crazy. It's fine.

16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - Doctor's appointment - check. Dentist... still needs to happen. (I KNOW. I KNOW.) I'm also planning on adding counseling to this list - I need to take care of my mental and emotional wellness just as much as my physical, and this summer would be a good time to do some check-ins with a counselor. Look for further updates on this one later!



I still have quite a few items to accomplish on this list, but thankfully, I have more than a year to check some things off. Look for further updates later on this fall. :)

Why Things are On Your Mind

It's been a bit since I've posted, hasn't it? 2017 has been a roller coaster of a year so far, with lots of personal ups and downs. But as we move toward mid-year, I've been feeling stronger and better, with lots to look forward to. I hope to write more on the blog this summer - with a 30 Before 30 update, as well as some travel recaps and some reflection and plans for the future.

Currently, it's summer, which means that the nature of my work on a college campus shifts and changes. I'm much more project-focused in the summer; the day-to-day event and advising grind is minimal, and we can take a step back to focus on some big-picture thinking.

One of my projects for the summer is to read Getting Things Done, a productivity-focused book that came to me highly recommended by some friends and colleagues. Although I'm an active Bullet Journal user and lover of all things organization, I'm also a recovering procrastinator (Hi, my name is Cassidy, and I'm a Procrastinator), and I'm always on the lookout for systems, tips, and tricks to help me focus and get things done. Thus, reading this book!

I'm reading a little bit at a time, and in the introduction to the GTD system, the author, David Allen, talks about the importance of getting things OFF your mind in order to clear it, so you can then focus on getting things done.

His theory about WHY things are on your mind really resonated with me. I've quoted it here:

Most often, the reason something is on your mind is that you want it to be different than it currently is, and yet:

• you haven't clarified exactly what the intended outcome is; 

•  you haven't decided what the very next physical action step is; and/or

• you haven't put reminders of the outcome and the action required in a system you trust. 

 First, let's talk about that deep why: "the reason something is on your mind is that you want it to be different than it currently is."

Whoa.

From feeling guilty about not writing in this blog more, to wanting to work out and get in shape, to stressing over my to-do list at work, I constantly live in a world where I want things to be different than they are (and by different, I usually mean better). My intentions are so pure; I want to make a difference; I want to be a person of integrity; I want to be joyful; and yet...

• I haven't clarified exactly what the intended outcome is

Feeling guilt about neglecting this blog is NOT doing anything to move me toward my intended outcome - publishing regularly on this blog. And yet, by naming that outcome, I relieve some stress - I have identified the specific thing that I would like to be different. That idea can feel big sometimes, though, which leads to...

• I haven't decided what the next physical action step is

If all I do is bug myself about "writing more," but haven't given myself the specific task of "write a blog post NOW," or "tomorrow" - if I haven't given myself a small, manageable, action-step-chunk to work on - then my intended outcome won't be reached, and the Thing will still be On My Mind. Then, of course, there's...

• I haven't put reminders of the outcome and the action required to meet it in a system I trust

The jury's still out on this one - I look forward to continuing to read this book and see what system that Allen recommends to Get Things Done.

But actually writing this blog post and this post's content were both inspired by an exercise that Allen runs through, and I'll leave you with this method, and encourage you to think on what's On Your Mind:

I suggest that you write down the project or situation that is most on your mind at this moment. What most bugs you, distracts you, or interests you, or in some other way consumes a large part of your conscious attention? It may be a project or problem that is really "in your face,' something you are being pressed to handle, or a situation you feel you must deal with sooner rather than later.

...Got it? Good. Now, describe, in a single written sentence, your intended successful outcome for this problem or situation. In other words, what would need to happen for you to check this project off as "done"?

...Now write down the very next physical action required to move the situation forward. If you had nothing else to do in your life but get closure on this, what visible action would you take right now? Would you call or text someone? Write an email?

...Got an answer to that? Good.

Was there any value for you in those two minutes of thinking? If you're like the vast majority of people who complete that drill in our seminars, you'll be experiencing at least a tiny bit of enhanced control, relaxation, and focus. You'll also be feeling more motivated to actually do something about that situation you've merely been thinking about till now. 

So, what's been on your mind? Why?

And We'll All Float On Okay

As I move toward the end of the calendar year, and the middle of my second year in my current job, and the end of my twenties, I find myself not really working toward anything... big.

Well. I shouldn't knock my 30 Before 30 List - I have a lot of goals, even more than what the list mentions. And I'm well on my way to tackling quite a few of them - I'm working hard to be ready for my half marathon in March; I'm well on my way to my savings goal for my summer 2017 London trip; I'm trying to get up the courage to finally get my tattoo. A lot of the items on the list are big goals, and I shouldn't downplay them.

But I don't really have a plan right now.

I had a really great phone conversation with a friend yesterday, who was pondering their current lack of a life plan. "I always have to have a plan," they said.

Me? I've never been much of a "life plan" type of person. Sure, I set goals for myself. But I've found that, whenever I try to make big "life plans," God likes to laugh at me, and then the plan gets totally upended. And then I end up somewhere unexpected, like graduate school in Florida. Or working in higher education in Bloomington, Indiana.

So, I stopped trying to make big plans. They just don't work for me.

But I find myself reflecting - does a lack of a plan make me purposeless? (It sure feels like it sometimes!)

I don't really know what my Purpose is here on earth (and I don't really expect to ever find it out in this life), so I usually find myself trusting God and doing the best I can.

And I guess, that's my question. Is figuring it out day by day enough of a purpose? Is it acceptable to enjoy life as it comes, and do my best to do my best? To work toward living a life of contentment and joy? To surround myself with the people I love, and do the things I like?

For now, I feel like it is enough.

They say when you're caught in an undertow, you shouldn't fight the current, but rather swim along with it. Wherever this current is ultimately going to take me, I find myself enjoying just... floating along.

Adulting.

Yesterday, I adulted. And I mean HARD CORE adulted. I was awake at 7:00am (on a SATURDAY, y'all). I went to the DMV to renew my car registration. I went to Sam's Club to buy new tires. (Ouch.) I dropped off some dry cleaning. I ran 3.5 miles, as part of my half marathon training. And I deep-cleaned my guest bedroom and bathroom (any visitors?).

The best part: I did all of this before noon. ON A SATURDAY.

I don't even know who I am anymore, y'all.

Well, that's not true, to an extent. I know exactly who I am - I'm Cassidy, and I'm finally practicing adulting.

When the college students with whom I work start complaining about how hard life is (as we all tend to do, let's be honest), I remind them that they're adults now, and that being an adult consists of two key truths that I've learned over the past few years, since I was a college student myself.

Here are these truths, which are actually corollaries of each other:
1) Being an adult means that you have to make yourself do things you don't want to do. All the time.

When you were younger, the people who raised you probably did a lot of things for you - they would make your doctor's appointments, or pay your living costs/bills, or make your lunch for you to take to school.

When you're an adult, there's no one to do this for you. (Probably.) You have to schedule that dentist appointment you've been putting off for 3 years. You have to re-register your car at the DMV (and pay property taxes... ouch). You have to wash those dishes that have been sitting in your sink since Tuesday. You're the only person that's responsible for your life now... so do the thing. It sucks, but you're the person who can and should do it.

2) Being an adult means that you're allowed to make whatever choices you want... but you have to live with the consequences of those choices.

As you got older, you probably had to start doing a lot of the aforementioned chores for yourself, but there would be consequences if you didn't. Clean your room, or no TV. Mow the lawn, or you're grounded.  When you're an adult, a lot of times, these consequences aren't as apparent, because a lot of times, no one external is setting them for you.

Listen, the first time I realized that I could let my dishes sit in the sink for a week, I was ecstatic. Washing dishes is mundane, tedious, and sometimes icky. I didn't have a parent or roommate shooting me dirty looks for leaving them sitting; I didn't face no TV or no cell phone for not getting them done. It was magic. But after a few days, those dishes start smelling. Fruit flies may show up. And eventually, you run out of dishes.

I made a choice not to wash my dishes, but then I had to live with the consequences of not washing them - no clean dishes. An even dirtier kitchen. And those consequences, honestly, were worse than if I had just bit the bullet and cleaned them.

This is such a metaphor for adulthood it's not even funny - oftentimes, the immediate action of doing something may be distasteful, or hard, or you may be unsure of how to do it. But the reality is, the consequence of not doing the thing is 99.9% percent of the time WAY worse than doing the thing in the moment.

Sure, I can choose not to go to the doctor or dentist. But what problems are going to be worse because I'm not discovering them early? Sure, I can procrastinate on getting my car's registration renewed. But when I get a ticket for an out-of-date registration, whose fault is that? Adulthood is about facing choices, and making decisions, and then dealing with the consequences.

~

I'm still learning these lessons; I'm by no means perfect. I may have renewed my car registration yesterday; I haven't gone to the dentist in years (I'll spare you the details on how long it's been). I may have deep-cleaned my guest bedroom and bathroom; I still need to vacuum the rest of my apartment and clean my kitchen.

In the end, what I'm really working on is not feeling guilt for the things left undone; rather, I'm attempting to be proud of the progress I've made. Sure, I may slip and make a mistake, but I'm still growing and learning from those mistakes. Every small victory is still a victory - as my friend Ashlie says, "A baby shark is still a shark." Any bit of progress, however small, is still a step forward. And that's something to be proud of.

Thirty Before 30: Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

We're post-birthday and post-August, which in higher ed world is one of the busiest times of year, so I figured I should rev up the ol' blog once again. I turned 28 in July, so I'm one step closer to the big 3-0 (22 months and 6 days, to be exact).

With that being said, I decided to sit down and make my Thirty Before 30 List (two months AFTER my birthday). I've set some pretty big goals, as you'll see below, and I wanted to give myself a reasonable amount of time - July 2018 - to accomplish them. (After all, my goals must be SMART, right? #educatorjokes)

Without further ado, here's the list; expect blog posts as I accomplish these goals!

Cassidy's Thirty Before 30 (Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving) List:

TRAVEL

1. Travel to London - I'm such an Anglophile, and I have family living in London Town - there's no reason I shouldn't do this. In fact, I'm planning to check this off the list next summer! :)
2. Travel to Rome - Between my Italian heritage, my somewhat limited knowledge of the Italian language (I took it in college and am a little rusty), and my love of history, I crave a visit to La Citta Eterna. I may make this my 30th Birthday Gift to myself... TBD.
3. Visit a state I’ve never been to before - I love traveling domestically in the U.S.; I'd like to expand my list of states visited. On the docket: Massachusetts (Boston), Idaho (Boise), and/or Utah (Zion National Park). Open to suggestions :)
4. Take an off-the-grid (NO EMAIL) vacation - I am incredibly guilty of not fully being on vacation when I go on vacation. I want to challenge myself to turn off email for the duration of a WHOLE vacation, and to truly live in and enjoy the moment.

EXPERIENCES

5. Ride in a hot air balloon - I am terrified of heights but also love the view from up top. I want to ride in a hot air balloon SO bad, and to try not to have a panic attack the whole time.
6. Hike a 14-er - Again, love being up high but I am terrified of heights. But I also love climbing mountains, and the West has a plethora of great destination hikes. I'd like to bag at least one 14-er (a mountain over 14,000 feet above sea level) before I hit the big 3-0.
7. Get a tattoo - I've wanted the same tattoo for about 5 years. It's time to pull the trigger.
8. Backpack on the Appalachian Trail - The Appalachians are my mountain range; I feel at home when I'm there. I want to channel my best Cheryl Strayed and get on the AT for several days/a week. Travel buddies welcome!
9. Plan an amazing 30th Birthday Celebration/Trip - I want to go BIG for 30. See above note about Rome. I'm open to suggestions/travel buddies on this one, too :)

MONEY

10. Pay off half of total principal student loan balance - I took out a lot of student loans, and I want to be out of debt SOON. By the time I turn 30 I'll be 6 years into repayment, so I'd like to be halfway done paying back my principal by my 30th birthday. It'll take some finagling & some real dedication with my budgeting, but debt is terrible, so it'll be worth it.
11. Go on a month-long spending cleanse - I want to accomplish this one sooner rather than later. I need to refocus my budgeting (especially if I'm wanting to travel AND take down my debt). I want to think really critically about how I spend my money - and not spend for a month, so I know what I need vs. what I want.

WELLNESS

12. Run a half-marathon - I've toyed with running since college, but never committed to a long distance. Now's the time. My parents and I are, as of today, signed up for a half marathon in March of 2017. Wish me luck!
13. Figure out and stick to regular workout regimen - I am TERRIBLE at staying in shape, because I hate most forms of working out. I want to figure out what works for me AND make it a habit by the time I turn 30.
14. Complete a 30-day yoga challenge - I love yoga but haven't made a habit of it. Many studios offer a "30-day challenge" of practicing every day for a month; I can always do with more centering.
15. Find & attend a home church regularly - I've lived in Charlotte for over a year and still haven't made the commitment to a home church... yet!
16. Schedule regular doctor/dentist check-ups - I haven't gone to the doctor (any doctor) or dentist in... a while. I will spare you the details. But I need to be a grown-up and schedule appointments for myself. (It's getting embarrassing.)
17. Complete a Whole 30/28-day Paleo (or similar) Challenge - I believe in moderation and portion control with food, but I also want to learn how to be more conscious of what I eat and how it makes me feel. I think a 28-day or 30-day challenge would be just the thing for me to thoughtfully eat better.

LEARNING

18. Learn how to water-ski - I've now snow-skied, and skiing on flat(ish) water is WAYYYY less terrifying than falling down a mountain.
19. Try 30 new recipes - I am able to cook; I'm often too lazy to do so. I have tons of Pinterest recipes ready to go. This one should be a breeze.
20. Learn calligraphy - I love the act of writing and can fake calligraphy script really well. I'd love to take a class on how to do it properly!
21. Learn how to rock climb - See above for sentiments about being terrified of heights but loving the view, and workin' on my fitness. (There's a metaphor for another blog post in there somewhere.)
22. Decide on a Ph.D. program (even if I’m not ready to apply for it yet) - I know I want a Ph.D.; I just need to figure out what it'll be and where I'd like to apply.
23. Learn how to apply lipstick - I have my daily makeup routine down, and yet, I CANNOT make lipstick stick. Ever. This is #lifegoals before 30.

ART/CULTURE

24. Attend a professional ballet performance (other than “The Nutcracker”) - I danced for 15 years and adore ballet, and yet have never seen a professional performance other than The Nutcracker. No more.
25. See Beyonce in concert (if she tours) - For as much as I love Queen Bey, I've yet to commit to a concert of hers. If she tours again in the next two years, I'm going, no questions asked.
26. Watch all of the AFI Top 100 Films - I love movies; I need to see more of the classics.
27. Join a choir - I miss choir, more than I ever thought I would. I'd love to find one as a hobby.

SERVICE

28. Volunteer with Girls on the Run - Girls on the Run is a nonprofit organization that I'm a huge fan of for a number of reasons (including that it's my sorority's philanthropy organization). I would love to get more involved as a volunteer, whether that's as a coach, running buddy, or simply a regular 5K volunteer.
29. Solidify & stay constant with volunteering role(s) with Gamma Phi Beta - Gamma Phi is my sorority and is a life-long commitment; I need to figure out what that commitment looks like and make it stick!
30. Complete 30 Random Acts of Kindness - Giving back to others means the world to me; I want to make the world a little happier in the next couple of years. It's the least I can do.

The Only Constant

Summer makes me reflective, probably because of the summer birthday thing (11 days), and probably because a predominance of my life has revolved around the academic year (24 of 27 birthdays celebrated going into a school year, so far).

Summer always feels like this weird transition period - a reset, a pause, but also a time during which major changes are happening, usually under the surface, but there.

When I think about summers past, I think of travel. Best friends. Family. Break-ups and getting together. Flirtations and heartbreaks. Working harder than I've ever worked before, and resting and relaxing. Beaches, rivers, deserts, and mountains. Reflection on the past, and plans for the future.

I have a lot more figured out at almost-28 than I did last year, or any year before that; and yet, it often feels like I have less figured out than I ever have before. The way I make plans has inherently changed - I think of the future more like pinpoints on a globe, rather than a road on a map. My travel may not be straightforward, but it will be moving forward.

The mistakes I will make are inevitable, but so is the learning that will happen. The friendships that come and go, the relationships that grow and then dissipate will break me up, but they will also make me stronger. The knowledge I have and confidence I am building may be shaken, but each tremor only strengthens the woman that I am and am becoming. The love in my life will only exponentially grow.

I'm thankful for the almost-28 years I've lived. I'm thankful for the change, the difficulty, the world-shaking and heart-breaking experiences. I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy, but I know they are integral pages in my story.

A good story mirrors life, and as I've learned, the only constant in life is change.

Change may hurt. It may break us before it makes us. But change = growth. Stasis = death.

In my 28th year of life, I want to embrace change, even when it hurts. I want to grow through the pain, learn through the hard times. I want to come out on the other side a better human. I want my story to be one of a woman who, through all the change, constantly loved.

All the Single Ladies

I have a confession to make - I love weddings.

This isn't that shocking of a confession, I suppose; a lot of people love weddings. Two people standing up in front of God and their closest family and friends, making a life-long commitment to one another? That's a beautiful thing.

Totes me.

But when I say I love weddings, I mean even more than just the wedding itself. I mean that I am one of those people who has a wedding Pinterest board, even though I'm not dating anyone. I've been known to follow various wedding blogs (Style Me Pretty is my favorite) to see what the trends are for weddings this year. When I ask my friends about their planning process, I want to know everything, from who they asked to be in their wedding party to what gifts they're getting their wedding party; from the overall colors of the wedding to what cake or food vendor they're using (and whether or not the venue is letting them bring in their own alcohol). I can't help it; the event planner in me loves hearing about all the small details, knowing that they add up to one big, special day (and recognizing that, if done right, all the small details reflect EXACTLY who the couple is, and make the day even more special).

I have another confession to make - I am currently dabbling in the online dating world (where my Tinder & Bumble peeps at???). This honestly shouldn't be that shocking of a confession, either. More and more, it's getting harder and harder for young people to meet other singles without the help of some swiping or "liking." And especially since I just made a big move to a big city a few months ago, I figure, "It doesn't hurt to put myself out there a bit! Who knows who I'll meet?"

Of course, these two confessions aren't that world-shaking, and of course, dating leads to marriage, so it makes sense that I'm making these confessions together, right?

Well, herein lies my point.

I'm 27 years young. I am single, and for the most part, loving it. Seriously, I have an amazing new group of friends here in Charlotte, as well as my friends from Indiana, grad school, college, and my hometown. I enjoy an active social life. I am career-minded and -focused, and am passionate about the work I do in higher education. I have a loving and supportive family (who all live close to each other for the first time in 4 years).

And yet, like many people, I do get lonely sometimes. I do want to put myself out there, and meet a great guy, and settle down someday to have children and a family of my own. I see my friends meeting great partners and building a life together, and I get a little jealous, hoping someday to write a love story of my own.

Per the suggestion of my dear friend Gillian, I've been listening to the Dear Sugar Radio podcast, specifically, the three-part episode about the search for "The One." And holy heck, is this resonating with me. (I highly recommend you give it a listen, no matter your demographics, but ESPECIALLY if you're a single straight woman - the content herein applies specifically to us.)

Essentially, these podcast episodes detail a national trend: the Dear Sugar folks get untold amounts of letters from single women in their twenties-to-fifties asking the same questions: when will I meet The One? Is he even out there? Is there something wrong with me if I haven't met him yet? Are there even any available men out there anymore?

The letters they read on these episodes reflect my same internal struggles every day: I love my life, and yet I can't help but feel unfulfilled without a partner with whom to share it. My feminism tells me I don't need a man to feel fulfilled, but also tells me that I can choose and build the life that I want with whoever I want (and if that's a husband, that's perfectly ok.) My faith tells me that God works in His time and His purposes are good and perfect, but that that purpose may be for me to be married someday... or it may not.

Half of my days, I REVEL in singleness - this, my twenties, is one of the few times in my life when I'm allowed to be somewhat selfish, focusing on my self-esteem, my career, and my well-being. There are times when I can definitely imagine myself leading a whole & fulfilled life without a partner, focusing my time and energies on the other people in my life that I love.

Yet, there is this pervasive cultural narrative - and my own deeply rooted desires - that tell me that I all I want, all I need, is that "happy ending." That a life without a wedding, without a husband, without children, is no life at all. That my biological clock is a-ticking away, and time. is. running. out.

Some of this is true (at least according to the economist featured on the Dear Sugar podcast - scarcity in the dating pool is REAL!).

BUT - and here's the BIG but (ha!) - the end goal of marriage & a partner cannot consume my life. Every time I go on a date with a new guy, I can't expect to hear wedding bells ring. Dating is a crazy journey that, if you let it, can teach you as much about yourself as it does about the people that you date. In relationships, in love, the journey itself is just as important as the destination.

Reflecting on all of this, I've ended up making some healthy choices for me:

1. I've committed to "try, try again" with dating. If I don't put myself out there, I may NEVER meet someone, so the least I can do is try! And in the meantime, I can enjoy each date for the experience it is - the chance to meet and connect with someone new.
2. I have scaled back my consumption of all things wedding. This doesn't mean that I'm boycotting weddings altogether; quite the opposite, actually. In order to remind myself of the true importance of a wedding - the marriage itself, and the life two people build after the event is over - I have committed to caring less about all of the trappings of "the day."
3. I want to be open about my journey. Blogging, for me - reflecting on the meaning of romance, of dating, of singleness - is key to moving forward as a healthy woman. I want to reflect on my experiences, to be open about them, to invite conversation & dialogue with those who read my blog, and to hopefully tell others that you're not alone out there in your singleness.

So, single ladies, let us come together in solidarity! Let us drown our sorrows about the seeming lack of single, available men in wine and ice cream and chocolate! Let us ALSO build one another up in our journeys toward fulfilled, love-filled lives! And, in the words of our Queen Bee, let us "put our hands up." Let us OWN our singleness, to delight in who we are as individual women as as women together - friends and confidantes, platonic soulmates. For I don't believe in "The One," but rather in MANY "Ones" - people (romantic & platonic) who come into your life for a reason, to make it better and more whole.

When in doubt, channel Beyonce.

The Dating Game: Handling Love, Like, and Fit on the Job Search

It's January now, and as the higher education administration job search season rolls around again, I always start to get really interested in people's stories about their job search processes. My own job search just after I graduated from my master's program was rather unique and VERY long, and I love trading "war stories" with friends and colleagues to compare and contrast experiences on the search.

As I reflect, though, "war stories" isn't necessarily the best description of the job search (although I'm sure some of my colleagues can attest to some interviews that felt like battles!). Rather, the most appropriate metaphor I have ever heard, and the one I usually share with people, is that the higher ed job search is like dating. 

So, how did you two meet?

The job search begins with precisely that - a search. Some of us sign up for an "online dating website," i.e. HigherEdJobs.com or Chronicle.com. We carefully craft our profile (resume, cover letter), and start to search for certain criteria for that "special one" - location, job duties, salary. Another route some of us take is to use friends and colleagues to see if that "special one" is on the market without resorting to online methods. We ask mentors, supervisors, friends to pass along that one opportunity that may seem like a good fit ("Oh my goodness, you two would be perfect for each other!").

Sometimes this blind date method can yield amazing results because of the networking connection; sometimes the online dating method is best because you can pick and choose the criteria you're looking for in a position before you meet or talk for the first time. Whatever your methods, much like dating, the key is to get yourself out there, and to know what you're looking for.

Speed-Dating / Going Out on the Town

For many in the dating game, an ideal situation is to go where the "fish" are plentiful, such as out in the community, going to a bar or restaurant, or attending a speed-dating or networking event. This way, you can get to meet potential dates or mates in person first to WOW them with your rugged good looks and sparkling social skills. (Don't we all have those qualities?) In higher education, these social events are placement exchanges, such as NASPA's TPE or ACPA's C3. While not necessarily critical to your job search, these job placement conferences can be an amazing place to meet new people, practice your interviewing skills, and get feedback on your resume and cover letter.

Although my job didn't come from my attending TPE, several of my on-campus interviews did, and I was incredibly thankful for the chance to get to meet employers in person and practice my interviewing skills. The other benefit of these placement exchanges is much the same as your benefit from going out or attending a speed-dating event - you get to see what's out there, and you get to see what qualities or traits a potential job match has that make your heart beat a little faster. Is it the job itself that drew your eye? Is it the conveyed personality of the office or institution? Placement exchanges are a great place to figure out what YOU'RE on the market for, as well as being on the market yourself. Beyond the placement exchange, conferences too can be perfect opportunities to meet with potential employers to feel out open positions.

First Date - the Jitters, being Grilled, and Sparks Flying

Ahhh, the phone interview, or in our job search dating terms, the first date. A time to get to know your potential partner - the institution, the co-workers - but also to impress. You feel the obligation to be your authentic self but ALSO be on your best behavior; you try to strike the right balance of humor and sincerity; of asking questions and answering them. You do your best to read who you're interacting with to gauge their level of interest, all while doing your best to honestly express your interest. Your stomach often shakes with butterflies; you can't tell if there will be another call after or whether just this first interaction is all you'll have... sound nerve-wracking?

I don't mean to make it seem intimidating; in fact, once you get the hang of phone interviews, they can be quite enjoyable, a chance to get a read on the institution for which you're interested in working. But there are always questions. Will they grill you, or make it more like a conversation? How long do you talk in order to express yourself best without droning on and on? How do you honestly talk about yourself without exposing your flaws too quickly? What are the best questions to ask to find out about the culture of the institution and office? Phone interviews, much like first dates, are crap-shoots: they can be duds, or sparks can fly. The best advice I can give is to be prepared - reflect on your stories and your values, and do your due diligence to research the office and the position - and to be yourself.

Meeting the Parents (and Friends, and Exes, and the Whole Darn Family), or the On-Campus Interview
So things went well on your first date - er, interview. So well, in fact, that your date - er, institution - is thinking about making this a permanent arrangement. It's time for that moment, the one that every singleton/job searcher dreads - it's time to meet the parents. In terms of our job searching process, this means the on-campus interview. This is the big one - your opportunity to impress, to sell yourself and what you're about so that the institution can decide if you'll be a fit for them. You want to look your best, feel your best, and interview your best, so prepare, prepare, prepare. Much like dating though, and similarly to the rest of the job-search process, the on-campus interview isn't just a question of whether the employer likes you: it's ALSO a question of whether you can see yourself making that long-term commitment to your potential employer. The "big question" must be answered in a resounding YES by BOTH parties, and the on-campus interview is your prime time to make sure that you're going to find room to grow, to learn, and to become your best self in this "relationship."

While you're preparing to answer questions, prepare to ask lots of them too - what is the office culture like? How does your office interact with its students? What kind of support will you get from supervisors? Where does your office fit in the grand cultural & political scheme of campus? What is it like to live in the city or town? Will your transition be an easy one or a hard one? These are all questions that should be answered before you decide to make a serious step toward that "long-term commitment" of taking a job. And remember, institutions are made up of people, and people are inevitably messy. No one is perfect; even your "perfect" institution probably has its share of skeletons in their closet. So the question to ask is - much like in a long-term relationship - does their baggage match yours?

Will you say YES to the Big Question?
The final step in any job search process is the big one, THE question, the one we all hope for and dream of: the job offer. When your phone lights up with your potential employer's number, your heart starts beating faster, the butterflies in your stomach get to flying... and it's happening! They've picked YOU! This institution wants to make a commitment to YOU!!!

Of course, much like big steps in any relationship - moving in together, getting married, having/adopting children, etc - MUCH thought and preparation should be put into the answer to this question. Did you truly feel a fit with this institution - e.g., are the job duties what you're looking for? Is the office culture supportive of what you need? Do the salary and benefits work for you? Geographically, is this institution in the right place? Mission-wise, does this institution value what you value? If you're able to answer all of these questions in the affirmative, then lucky you - it's time to say YES to your "one." (Or at least, your next "one.")

But once you give that answer, the work is not over. Much like any relationship, expectations must be clarified and set. For anyone who's committed to a long term partner, you know what these questions include - who is handling the finances? Are we combining bank accounts, or keeping them separate? Do we want to have kids, and if so, how many? Is our family going to be spiritual, and if so, what does that look like? (and so on.)

In the same way, you must ask questions of your soon-to-be employer (and negotiate, negotiate, negotiate). Although I'm no expert on negotiation, I can give you a starting list, based on my own experience, of what conversation topics should include with your new employer (and colleagues):

• Start date
• Salary (is there room to negotiate, and does it make sense to do so? When is payday each month, and how often? What benefits get taken out automatically?)
• Benefits (what is covered by the university, and how much? If you're switching institutions, can the retirement fund you've already started be carried over? Can health benefits be carried over? If you have a partner and/or other dependents, how much are they covered under your benefits?)
• Moving assistance (Is there any extra money in the budget to get moving expenses covered?)
• The town/city/area (Where is a good place to live, if you get to live off-campus? How far away should you live, based on your work hours? What are fun things to do near the institution, and far away from it? How far are you from a major airport?)
• University amenities, especially parking & recreational centers (How much is parking per month, and what does faculty/staff parking look like near your building? Do faculty/staff get free membership to campus rec centers, or do you have to pay? If you have to pay, can it be deducted from your paycheck?)
• Time off (How much vacation/sick time is included in your initial benefits package? What is your supervisor's/the institution's approach to flex time vs. vacation time?)
• Professional development (Are you provided any funds by your office, department, or the institution? Is participation in regional, state, and/or national associations encouraged? Are there any conferences that you are expected to attend, based on your functional area? Are there any additional campus grants or funds for which you can apply if you want to attend more than one conference?)
• General day-to-day expectations (What are your hours? What is the office "dress code"? Do your colleagues stop in each other's offices and chat for a short time each day, or does everyone keep to themselves? How full should your calendar be? What are your regular weekly, bi-weekly, and monthly meetings? How does your supervisor expect you to keep him/her informed about your progress?)

Although not an exhaustive list, hopefully these questions spark good and healthy conversation with your new institution and supervisor. Again, healthy communication is the key - it's important to talk about important issues as soon as possible so you can make sure that you and your new employers are on the same page before you begin work.

Happily Ever After?

No job is permanent in this world, especially in an ever-evolving field like student affairs. So while I wish for all of my readers healthy, LONG-lasting long-term relationships (if that's what you're looking for), what I wish for you in the job search is fit. 

I hope that you are taking time, being patient, and making sure to prioritize your values. I hope that you are looking into the future, and applying for jobs that will help you learn and grow and continually become better. I hope that you are applying at institutions whose missions and actions show them to be principled employers who care about student well-being. 

Most of all, even though it might not be an "ever-after," I do wish you a HAPPY job searching, and a GOOD job that will enable you to do your BEST work.

And I Must Go

When I was younger, I would have told you I was a beach person. My birthday is in the summer, and I reveled in the extremes of the hot sun and the cool water. I also grew up 8 hours from the beach, so getting to visit the ocean was always a special trip. I loved the grittiness of the sand, the saltiness of the water, the push and pull of the waves. I loved the exhausted feeling at the end of the day, when you're a bit sunburnt and thirsty and the rasp of salt and sand is still on your skin, but you know you've had a day well-spent in the water.

I still love the ocean today; there's something so tranquil about hearing the waves crash and feeling your body float in the tide, about searching for (and not finding) where the water ends and the sky begins.

But, as I've gotten older, the mountains have grown on me more and more.

When I was in my early teens, I used to travel each summer to Ruidoso, New Mexico, with family friends. There was something so exciting about the trip into the mountains - seeing the rugged shapes rise from the flat landscape in front of you, feeling the temperature shift and drop, smelling the pine trees as they tower over the roadside. We'd hike near our cabin, play in the freezing stream, go bear-watching at night... and would come down feeling so rested and refreshed.

In my life so far, I've had the chance to visit the Appalachians and the Rockies, the Davis Mountains of Texas, the Green Mountains of Vermont, the Uwharrie Mountains of the Carolinas, among others. All of them speak to me on an elemental, soul-stirring level. The mountains soothe my spirit when I'm troubled. They make me feel brave.

I can't help but believe some of this is genetic. My mother's people come from the Smokies, generations of folks making their way in the wilderness of East Tennessee, and before that, in the highlands of Scotland. My father's people hail from the cragged, rocky wilds of Sicily and the rolling green hills of Ireland.

Maybe a little piece of my soul remembers that the mountains are a haven. The towering heights aren't a danger, but a home.

Sitting on a ledge or a hillside, awestruck at the panorama in front of me.

Snow and ice everywhere, trying not to slip as I walk the trails, but not caring when I fall.

The rocks retaining their sun-baked warmth, as the desert spreads out in front of me all the way to Mexico.

The way the clouds roll in and change around the summits of the Smokies, sunny one minute; foggy and mysterious the next.

Walking through a patch of wildflowers, hearing the bees buzz and the birds sing.

Climbing a ladder that's bolted into the rock, fearing the heights but knowing the climb is worth it.

As I focus in 2016 on being well,  I am trying to spend time figuring out what makes me feel whole and complete, and doing more of those things. So I'll tell you - I've spent almost every weekend of 2016 so far climbing one kind of mountain or another, and I plan to keep on climbing whenever I can.

"I couldn't help myself. -The hills were beckoning and... the sky was so blue today... and everything was so green and fragrant, I had to be a part of it." - Fraulein Maria, The Sound of Music

"The mountains are calling, and I must go." - John Muir

Focus Downhill, or, Lessons I Learned from Skiing

This Christmas, for the first time EVER, my immediate family decided to play rebel and do our own individual family vacation. We talked throughout 2015 about how nice it would be to spend some quality time together, just the four of us, and so my awesome parents planned us a trip to Killington, Vermont.

For those of you who aren't familiar, Killington is a beautiful resort nestled in the picturesque Green Mountains of Vermont. It has long been known in skiing circles as one of the premiere ski destinations, and they pride themselves on having the longest season of any ski resort. (Irony of all ironies, it had not snowed yet this season while we were there, so sadly, many of their runs were closed. But we still had an AWESOME time.)

I myself have never skied before in my LIFE, so I knew this was going to be an interesting trip. I was reflecting this morning on some of the things that I managed to pick up while on the mountains, and so I thought I'd share these insights with a broader audience.

The not-so-snowy-or-Green Mountains

Focus Downhill, OR, Lessons I Learned From Skiing

1. Set yourself up with the right equipment.
Almost as soon as we checked into Killington, we sought out the equipment rental shop. (Unfortunately it was closed for the evening when we arrived, but we went FIRST THING the next morning, before we skied.) Before you ever set foot on a mountain, you need to make sure that you're set up with the right equipment. If your boots are ill-fitting, or your poles are too long or too short, or your skis are too long, you will find the journey ahead VERY difficult.

In skiing, as in life, preparation is everything. You have to have the right tools to help you out before you can start the work ahead.

2. Read the slope before you slide down it.
Like I said, I had never skied before we went on this trip. I've skated before - inline roller blades and ice skating - and knew that the basics would apply, but only marginally. So, wisely, my parents signed me (and themselves) up for ski lessons on our first day. It's not impossible to ski without lessons, but it is very difficult.

Keith was our intrepid instructor, and one of his very first lessons to us was how to put on skis. Apparently, you have to read the slope that you're on when you are laying your skis down, and place them perpendicular to the slope. Otherwise, your skis will quickly slide away from you, and you'll look like an idiot chasing your skis downhill. (Plus, it's VERY difficult to run in ski boots.)

This makes sense if you think about it - you need to read your surroundings before you jump in. You need to learn which way is downhill (and which way is up) before you endeavor to ski on your merry way. In skiing, as in life, awareness of your surroundings is critical.

3. Focus downhill.
This is probably my favorite lesson I picked up on our ski trip. As Keith was teaching us the basics on our first day, he made sure to emphasize the goal of keeping your torso and head pointed down the hill at all times. If you look at your feet too much, or focus too short-sightedly at the slope just ahead of you, you can lose direction and momentum. You could also run over someone - the corollary to this lesson, as my brother sagely stated, is, "Pay attention to the skiers in front of you. Ignore the skiers behind you."

In skiing, as in life, it can be unhealthy for you to focus too much on the short-term, or the past. In order to be truly successful, you've GOT to think about the future. Even though it's tempting to focus on the here-and-now, ultimately, thinking about what's ahead will better guide your current steps. You don't have to think ALL the way to the end, but focusing on something further in front of you will make your path more smooth.

4. Don't be afraid to take risks.
On the first day, my parents and I stuck to the bunny slope in order to work on our basic skiing skills. The next day, though, it was important to me to branch out, to challenge myself. My dad and I spent half the morning skiing on the one green run that was open, and then the rest of the morning my dad, brother, and I took on a blue run. In retrospect, I was NOT READY FOR A BLUE (see the next lesson learned), but I'm glad that I tried it.

In skiing, as in life, it's important to take risks. I'm glad I tested my boundaries, and I'm glad I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone. It was terrifying, but I survived it, and feel more accomplished for having done it (even if I failed miserably). Which brings me to...

5. Everybody has to start (and fail) somewhere.
I was not. ready. for. a. blue. run.
I fell on ice, and slid away from my skis, and my brother had to drag me back to the snow.
I fell in the middle of the run, and had to drag myself over to the side of the slope so I didn't get run over by the MUCH more experienced skiers and boarders.
I fell on flat parts of the run.
I fell on steep parts of the run.
I  fell at least a dozen times, and because I have very little upper body strength, I had to take off my skis EVERY TIME I FELL, and put them back on again. I was exhausted.
At times, I gave up, and walked down part of the slope. I was absolutely terrified. I had an emotional breakdown at one point, and my poor, sainted father had to quite literally talk me down.

In skiing, as in life, failure is inevitable. But you have to start somewhere. You have to learn your limits, and accept them, and then pick yourself up and try again. You have to acknowledge the fear when it comes, and then let it go to move on. You have to know when to try something, and when to ask for help.  And, you have to be thankful for the people who are helping you on the journey (bless my dad and brother. A run that would have taken them 30 minutes took the three of us an hour and a half, and they stuck with me the whole way).

~

Ultimately, we had a great time skiing. Even though it wasn't easy, it was such a fun and adventurous experience to wrap up 2015 and begin 2016. I'm so thankful that my family went on this journey together, and spent a happy Christmas in Vermont (even without snow!).

My #OneWord2016: Well

Since 2012, I have chosen to mark each year with the choosing of One Word. The idea behind this movement is that, instead of setting resolutions for the new year that you may (or may not) keep, you choose one word that signifies what you want to focus on for the year, what you need more of in your life, and what needs to change for you. In 2012, my word was "Believe;" in 2013, it was "Center;" in 2014, it was "Simplicity;" and in 2015, I chose "Gratitude." All of those words turned out incredibly meaningful for me, especially considering the many events and changes of the past four years. 

And now, the page has turned into a new year. The earth has taken off on her course of another revolution around the sun, and I sat myself down and thought about what I want, what I need, what I hope for in 2016. 

Let's look at the facts: 2016 will mark my 28th year on the planet. It will see the completion of my first year in my new job, and my fourth professional year post-masters. This year will mark 10 years since I graduated from high school, and 6 since I graduated from college. It will see me celebrating a year as a North Carolinian. 

When I think beyond these facts, though, and envision where I want to be in 366 days (because, of course, let's not forget that 2016 is a leap year!), I picture myself happy. I picture myself more confident. I picture my faith having grown, as well as my care for others. I picture stronger relationships. I picture a grown woman who may not know where she'll be at the end of the following year, but one who knows from where her strength comes, and one who finds joy in each day.

Really, considering this goal, there was only one word that can guide my 2016: well. 

To be "well" means to be in good health, to be of sound body and mind. It means that something is satisfactory and pleasing and good. "Well" means gratifying. "Well" to me is almost a synonym for "whole" - not a thing is missing, and if it is, it doesn't matter (or, one is strong enough to seek out the missing thing).

Doesn't that sound good, to be well? I would love to end this year feeling that I grew in wellness, that I became more holistically sound and satisfactory and gratified and whole.

So, I'll be focusing at different times this year on the six different dimensions of wellness: occupational, physical, social, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. I haven't decided yet if each month will be a focus on a different dimension, or whether I'll set small goals for each dimension each month; stay tuned for that plan. But I thought that this approach would touch every part of my life - my body, my soul, and my mind, as well as my external world and my relationships.

Well in 2016 means I want to worry less, and procrastinate less. It means I want to eat better and get moving more. It means I want to spend less money in the short-term to save up for the long-term. It means I want to invest more in my relationships and strengthen them. It means I want to re-focus on my relationship with God, to return fully to Him and to rely fully on Him. 

This January 1, I'm making a commitment to be well in 2016. I invite you to keep up with my journey, as well as to ask me about my progress throughout the year. 

I have a good feeling about 2016. How can I not? This morning began with coffee, with prayer time, with writing, and with sharing my hopes and dreams for the coming year. 

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.